


The Happy Ending

by LolaBleu



Series: Patterns & Fairytales [3]
Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Allegiant Alternate Ending, F/M, alternative universe, fourtris!babies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:34:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 76,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LolaBleu/pseuds/LolaBleu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benjamin knows his parents are different, that most Dauntless kids aren't hugged and kissed and told they're loved in public like he is. When he asked his dad about it once, he said that him and Mom just want Ben and Matty to always know how much they love them, how important they are to their parents.</p><p>**Patterns & Fairytales sequel**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Day (T) - Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, the summary kind of sucks. Sorry. If you haven't read Patterns & Fairytales and 40 Weeks this is probably going to be super confusing to you. So go read them. It's okay, this fic will still be here when you get back.
> 
> ANYWAY - Yes, the long awaited, much anticipated sequel. Basically this is going to be a collection of one/two shots in the Patterns universe. For example, this one is set when Benjamin is starting second grade, the next will be a few months later, and the next several months after that. If you've read A Fairytale Christmas, and some of the sneak peeks I've posted on my Tumblr (BleuWrites, btw, if you're feeling chatty) then you've already read some upcoming chapters.
> 
> The rating will probably fluctuate from one chapter to the next, so some of them will be "M" and others "T". I'll put the rating in the chapter title so you can avoid certain ones if you choose to.
> 
> Because I am a horrible, mean person I'm going to kill a character or two in this chapter. And I'm going to ask you to trust me and read it anyway.

 

 

The first day of school is always exciting, and when Tris gently shakes Benjamin awake he doesn't lodge his usual protest for  _just 5 more minutes Mooooom_. No, he rolls out of bed eagerly, even debates for a minute what shirt he wants to wear to his first day of 2nd. grade before barreling into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face.

Tris is there getting ready since this is a big day for her too. After she drops Benjamin off at school she has to go to the Hub to give her annual report on the Dauntless to the Council, and Bureau representatives just like all the other ambassadors do today. It makes Ben a little sad that he can't go with her like he used to before he was old enough to go to school, but then he thinks about how he'll get to see his friends again after a long summer break and he forgets to be sad altogether.

Matthew stumbles in just as Benjamin swishes and spits the rest of the toothpaste out of his mouth. He makes a beeline for Tris, the one hand that isn't rubbing sleep out of his eyes reaching up imploringly. Tris swings him up onto her hip, peppering his face with kisses and laughing when he avoids them by burying his face in her neck.

Benjamin tugs on his brothers foot teasingly, and gets a sloppy kick aimed at him in return. While Tris gets Matthew changed and ready for the day Ben goes into the kitchen, drags his stool over to the counter and fixes himself a bowl of cereal before settling at the table to eat. He likes the days that his mom and dad make a big breakfast for their family, but he likes it too that they let him do little things like this on his own too.

He's half finished when Tris comes out - followed by a grumpy Matthew -, and leans over his chair to plant a kiss on his forehead. "Excited?" she asks as she makes bowls of cereal for herself and Matthew (and passes Benjamin a paper towel to wipe up the milk that's been steadily dripping off his spoon on it's trip from his bowl to his mouth).

"Mmhmm. I hope Connor and Carter are in my class this year. Do you think they will be?" he chatters.

"Not if Susan's lucky," Tris mutters. Benjamin barely hears her, instead thinking of all his friends he's been missing since the last school year ended.

"I hope Ms. Black is nice, and doesn't give us a lot of homework. Is she nice?" he looks up at his mother, inquisitive, and vaguely aware that her and Ms. Black grew up together.

"She is," Tris answers neutrally, collecting the now empty bowls and depositing them in the sink. "But she wasn't my teacher, she was my neighbor."

There's a bit of a rush to get out the door, but there always is. Zoey and Shauna are already in the elevator when they step inside. "No legs today?" Tris asks, looking down at where Shauna is sitting in her wheelchair.

"It's going to be a madhouse. If I'm in this the crowds part like the Red Sea," she answers, a smirk twisting up her lips as she jabs at the button that will take them downstairs.

"Hey, Benji," Zoey says, bumping into his side affectionately.

"Shut up," Ben mutters, though he smiles and bumps her back. He really doesn't like when people call him that, but Zoey's different and he lets her get away with it most of the time.

"This year's gonna suck," she groans. "I won't be able to eat lunch with you."

"I know," Ben scowls. It's just stupid that the fourth grade and up kids have a different lunch hour than first through third grades do. "You'll still have Lyla and Henry and Ellie though," he points out.

Zoey shrugs indifferently as the chime dings and the doors slide open. Her Uncle Uriah is waiting for them, both to walk with them to school and because he's going to the Hub with Tris afterwards.

Tris has to stop at the Daycare room though, to drop off Matthew before they can leave. Benjamin watches through the glass door as his brother starts having a tantrum. "Ugh… he's such a momma's boy," Zoey sneers, digging the toe of her boot impatiently into the carpet at they all wait.

Ben can't hear what Matty is crying about on the other side of the door, but he doesn't really need to either. It's probably some combination of 'mommy', 'no', and 'I won't!'. And today, like always, Tris tries to reason with him until the point at which Matthew takes a big breath, screws his face up, and shrieks.

The daycare workers give the pair a nervous look, but Tris isn't paying them any attention. No, she's kneeling in front of her son with a stern look on her face, and Benjamin can tell the second the sharp, reprimanding, "Matthew!" leaves her lips because his brother's entire demeanor changes from red-faced fear and fury at being left behind to something like contrition, or as close as a two year old can get to it.

It takes Tris another few minutes to get him completely settled since he cries and clings, but eventually she's able to leave him. "Sorry," she says once she's joins them again.

"It's fine," Shauna dismisses as she starts rolling across the glass floor towards the doors that lead outside. "They all go through that phase."

"Ben didn't," Tris says, smiling down at Benjamin who returns her grin with one of his own.

"Ben didn't because you took him with you everywhere you went," Shauna scoffs.

"I could with him though. Matty isn't nearly as well behaved in public as Benjamin was," Tris praises, her hand reaching out to smooth across his shoulders affectionately.

It's a bright, sunny day outside, and even though it doesn't feel too hot right now the sun beats down on them with an intensity that makes it clear that by mid-day it will be sweltering. But as they walk the three block from the Pire to the school, it's leisurely. The grown up's talk about boring grown up stuff, and Zoey and Ben try to catch sight of their friends and speculate about what the cafeteria might serve for lunch. They are both sure to wave wildly at the tiny camera affixed to one of the streetlights as they pass it though; both their dad's are in the Control Room this morning.

As predicted the school is crawling with parents and students flooding through the gated front of the school and towards the glass enclosed quad, and just like Shauna said, when people catch sight of her wheeling her way through they make room; the rest of their group follows in her wake. Benjamin suspects if they didn't move they'd probably get a sharp poke in the back the legs and even sharper words.

The teachers, like every year, are arrayed around the quad, holding up signs with their names and room numbers for their class to congregate around. "I have Mr. Greene this year," Zoey groans, pushing up on her tip-toes. "Can you see him?"

"He's over there," Uriah says, pointing him out since he's the tallest in their little group. "Jeez," he adds, taking in the hulking blond man, "I'm glad he wasn't Dauntless. He could have crushed us during initiation."

Zoey looks pensive, waves goodbye to them and starts threading her way through people to her new classmates.

"There's Ms. Black," Tris says quietly, nodding to where his teacher is on the opposite side of the quad.

"Okay," Benjamin says, feeling the first flutters of nervousness.  _What if he doesn't have any friends in his class? Who's he going to sit next to then? Or talk to? What if none of the other kids like him? What if-_

"It'll be fine, Ben," Tris reassures him, crouching down in front of him and needlessly fussing with his clothes. "And isn't that Noah over there waving at you?" she points out, and sure enough she's right. His friend Noah  _is_  waving to him. Benjamin isn't sure how he missed him before, even though the scrum of bodies; he's wearing a black and yellow striped shirt that makes him look like a giant bumble-bee.

Tris and Benjamin are still looking at him when another boy appears at his side and smiles in recognition as well. "See? You'll be fine," Tris says. "You've got Noah and Zack, at least."

Benjamin feels the nervous knot in his chest release. They're not his best friends, not like Zoey, or Connor and Carter, but they'll do in a pinch.

"Your dad is going to be here at the end of the day, okay? Just like last year. Do you remember where you're supposed to meet him?" Benjamin nods solemnly. "Good. Do you want me to stay, or…?"

"I'm okay," Ben assures her.

"Alright. I'll see you later then," she says, pulling him in for a hug. Over her shoulder he catches sight of Zack laughing at the display and scowls at him, at least until Tris tells him she loves him and tries to plant a kiss on his forehead like she usually does when she drops him off at school.

" _Mom_ ," he whines, pulling away from her embrace even though it feels wrong to do it. "I'm not a baby anymore."

He doesn't miss the look of hurt on her face though, or the way her voice quavers uncertainly when she tells him to "have a good day," before he starts working his way through the bodies between him and his friends, as much to escape the guilt he feels as anything else.

"Did your Mommy tell you she loves you," Zack mocks, making kissy faces as him when he walks up.

"Shut up," Benjamin snaps, punctuating it with a punch to his friends chest.

He knows his parents are different, that most Dauntless kids aren't hugged and kissed and told they're loved in public like he is. When he asked his dad about it once, he said that him and Mom just want Ben and Matty to always know how much they love them, how important they are to their parents. It doesn't make Benjamin feel any better about what he just did.

Ms. Black calls them to attention then, and starts leading them down the hall that will take them to their classroom. As they walk away Ben looks over his shoulder just long enough to see Uriah sling his arm around Tris' shoulders comfortingly.

~~xxxx~~

By the time lunch rolls around Benjamin has a stack of papers on his desk that need to go home to his parents; everything from the lunch menu to permission forms for field trips to a list of supplies needed for the projects this year. He thinks Ms. Black likes him, or at least knows who he is since she seemed to smile a little more at him than the other kids; he actually caught her teeth peeking out of her upturned lips.

He finally meets up with Connor and Carter over lunch - the Factionless twins who, besides Zoey, he's closest to -, and they almost ignore their food in favor of trading stories about what they did over the summer. Almost. By the time they get to the play field they only have twenty minutes left before they go back to their classrooms, so they decide to play a quick game of soccer; whoever has the most goals by the time the bell rings, wins.

Since they're oddly matched Noah finds another Amity boy, Levi, to play with them. "You're gonna lose," Benjamin taunts, still nettled from this morning, as he faces off with Zack.

The is ball between them, and Carter and Connor are behind him and Zack is so busy trying to think of a comeback that Benjamin kicks the ball right out from under his nose, and then it's game on. They run back and forth across the field, shouting, grabbing, kicking - anything it takes to keep possession of the ball and score goals. The field monitor blows her whistle at them a few times when they get too rough, but that's mostly because Benjamin and Zack play Dauntlessly.

Carter is just celebrating a spectacular goal that no goalie could have saved even if they'd had one when it happens. There's a big  _boom!_  like thunder and Benjamin actually feels the ground quake under his feet, just a little. Everyone - students, teachers, field monitors,  _everyone_  - stops what they're doing and looks up, but the sky is a clear, cloudless blue.

It takes another minute for someone to spot the column of smoke rising above the tall buildings downtown, shrouding the Hub in a cloak of grey ash. "What's that?" Connor demands, his voice sounding exactly the way the fear slithering up Benjamin's spine feels at the same moment the adults to start blasting their whistles shrilly and yelling "get inside! Now!"

* * *

 

Tobias doesn't believe in 'gut instincts'. He doesn't believe that some magical vibrations in the ether can thrum through his body and alert him to a danger that is not yet formed. It's bullshit. That's what he believes.

It's just harder to believe that on a day when he woke up with his nerves strung taut and hours later a bomb goes off at the Hub. It's hard to believe it's all bullshit when the cameras around the hub suddenly blink out, fill the screens with static or smoke and debris and dead bodies.

It's hard to believe it's bullshit when Tris is there, right in the center of chaos and tragedy like she always seems to be.

When the phone rings and the person on the other end shouts to implement Attack Plan R and shut down the city Tobias can barely hold the phone to his ear he's shaking so bad, can barely remember how to breathe. But he does remember how to act. His fingers fly across the keyboard, punching in the codes that shut down the trains, close the gate, set off every alarm in the city. Zeke is right next to him, barking orders into the phone that lockdown Dauntless, that send people outside to drag barricades across the roads leading to the Pire or else take up sniper positions in the buildings surrounding it.

He watches via his computer as the security forces made up of Dauntless and Bureau members clears the streets surrounding the Pire and then slowly lead the children from the elementary school to the Pire just like they're supposed to do in case of emergency. They don't know if there's more bombs out there, where they are, if there are.

Tobias watches with his heart in his throat as the children walk up the street, sure there's going to be another explosion and wondering just how much of his family he can lose in one day.

But there isn't. The children file into the Pire, down to the gymnasium just like they've practiced time and again. Tobias wants to hold his sons. Wants to wrap them up in his arms and protect them from harm, whatever it might be. It's what he swore he'd do the day they were born, and in the years since he and Tris have been so lucky.

He wants to love them, to tell them they're safe, that he's there. But he wants to be able to tell them their mother is safe too. And he can't. Because he doesn't know himself.

His fingers dial frantically. First the Hub, but there's no answer at any of the offices he tries, and when he calls the main switchboard all he gets is a busy signal. It's the same when he calls the city's hospital. He finally,  _finally_ , gets someone on the phone when he calls the security forces central office, not that they can tell him anything he doesn't already know. Tobias slams the phone down in frustration. Zeke isn't coping much better than he is. Uriah was at the Hub today, too.

When Tobias sees Michael rushing out of his apartment and towards the elevator he shoots out of his chair, ready to intercept him. "I'm on my way to the hospital," Michael says breathlessly. "It's what I'm supposed to do."

"I know," Tobias says, his voice clipped. "We don't know how many dead," his voice breaks over the word, "or injured. We don't know anything, Michael. We had faction leaders there today. And - and Tris," he says unwillingly. "Uriah too. We need to know what's going on."

Michael reaches out, clapping him on the shoulder comfortingly. "I'll call as soon as I know anything. As soon as I can," he amends. "They'll be flooded with patients."

"Okay," Tobias says weakly. It's all he can do, all he can ask.

He feels about a thousand years old as he trudges back to the Control Room. "God damn it, Tris," he mutters to himself, fighting off tears. "God damn it. Why is it always you?"

When he walks back in Zeke is on the phone. When he catches sight of Tobias he holds up his finger in the universal 'wait a minute' sign. He scrambles for a pad of paper and pen, hastily scribbling on it. Tobias eyes are inexorably drawn to it.

"3 dead - 'dozens' injured," it reads.

"Who?"

Zeke shakes his head, pressing the phone receiver to his ear more insistently before he hangs up a moment later. When he does he leans heavily on the table, his hands bracing his weight, and his head hanging between his shoulders. It scares the hell out of Tobias.

"Who?" Tobias demands again, his voice shaking.

"They didn't know. One was a Dauntless woman though. They couldn't see her face; someone had thrown a jacket over it before they recovered the body," he admits.

Tobias' knees buckle. He falls into his chair, but that's only because it's right there. His hands fist in his hair trying to ground himself. "How many times am I going to lose her, Zeke?" he asks, desperate, right on the knife edge of breaking apart completely.

"Hey," Zeke says, bracing. "You can't think like that. We don't know who it is. It might not even be someone from Dauntless; maybe some factionless chick likes to wear all black too."

It's not a happy thought because either way someone's dead, but Zeke is right, and right now Tobias is going to cling to it because the alternative… he can't even fathom.

"What about Uri?" he asks, suddenly remembering he's not the only one in the room with missing loved ones.

Zeke just shakes his head. "I don't know," he says, sounding haunted. It's too much like the last time he almost lost his brother.

It's masochistic, but they call up the stored footage from the cameras that were destroyed in the explosion. Amar or George will want to see it too, but unlike them Tobias and Zeke aren't looking for the culprits, just the people they love. They don't find them, but the video is grainy and it's hard to see anyone's features, so it means nothing.

Tobias is just finishing burning it to disk when the door to the Control Room opens, and Benjamin runs in, tugging his hand away from Amar who's still in his tactical blacks, having escorted the children from the school with a squad of armed men.

"Dad!" he exclaims, practically throwing himself into Tobias' arms.

"Figured you didn't want these two making themselves sick with worry in the gymnasium," he offers by way of explanation.

And it's true, Tobias didn't, but he didn't want Benjamin here right now either. Still, he wraps his son up in his arms, pulls him close, and breathes in the scent of soap and little boy, and trying hard not to think about all the things that make him so like Tris because he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to look at their children again if she…

"Tobias?" Amar asks, hesitating. "Where's Matthew?"

Tobias' brow furrows momentarily, perplexed by Amar's nervousness until he puzzles it out. "Daycare. Here. Tris doesn't take him to the Hub with her like she did Ben," he answers as he strokes his son's hair, momentarily overwhelmed with gratefulness that Matty is the fussy baby he is.

"Thank God," Amar mumbles.

As if in answer Zeke hands Amar the pad of paper he'd written the message about the dead and injured on, adding, "one of them was a Dauntless woman. Maybe," quietly.

Any hint of relief is promptly wiped off his face. "You're sure?" he asks, his voice wavering.

"No," Zeke answers. "That's just what we were told, but I can't get any of our people on the phone, so…"

"I need to get down there," he says suddenly, handing the paper back to Zeke, and then he's gone.

"What happened?" Benjamin asks tremulously, pulling away a little so he can look his father in the face.

 _This_  is why - exactly why - Tobias didn't want Benjamin here right now. He didn't want to have to look his son in the face and tell him that there was a bombing; that his mother is missing, that he can't find her. That he doesn't know if Tris is alive or dead.

Tobias wishes he could lie.

He wishes he could tell the truth as he wants it to be, and make it so, too.

But he can't do either of those things, and as he looks into his sons wide, scared eyes, trying desperately to think of a way to protect him this pain the same way he's kissed away cuts and bruises and tears before, he knows he can't.

So he tells him the truth.

"There was a bomb. At the Hub," he says slowly.

And he watches as the wheels turn in Ben's mind, as he puts two and two together and fear - real, bone-deep, life changing fear - takes hold.

"But… but…  _Mom's there_ ," he chokes out just as the tears spill across his cheeks.

The only thing Tobias can think to do is pull him close, so he does.

"Is she okay?" he demands, his voice edging into tones of hysteria and only slightly muffled by the cotton of Tobias' shirt where his face is buried.

"I don't know, Ben," Tobias whispers, strained, but honest.

Big, body wracking sobs rock Benjamin's body, and he clutches Tobias desperately. It's all Tobias can do not to break down too as he holds him.

~~xxxx~~

When Tobias and Zeke decide there isn't anything more they can do from the Control Room they move upstairs. They slap a note on the door, route any incoming phone calls to Tris and Tobias' apartment, and set up computers all across the kitchen table. Shauna's there, Christina too. It makes the waiting easier, somehow, having people around, and that's all there's left to do: wait.

Zoey, Benjamin, and Matthew keep themselves occupied at the coffee table, and soon enough there are reams of paper and crayons of every color strewn across it as they draw. Zoey and Ben draw half-heartedly, but Matthew sidles up to the table, his little belly pushed out and up against the edge since the hem of his shirt is in his mouth, scribbling furiously. Every now and then he toddles over to Tobias where he's sitting at the table and shows him his work, waiting patiently for the praise he knows is coming from his father.

As the sun begins to sink towards the western horizon even Matthew gets restive, though. People from around the compound keep popping in to give them updates, although it's usually just to report that nothing's happening, because apparently Dauntless wasn't a target at all. But every time Matthew hears someone walking down the hall he runs to the door, expecting Tris to walk through it.

And every time she doesn't Matthew becomes more sullen and cross. More than once he cries indignantly when it's not her.

On a normal day it doesn't bother Tobias too much that his youngest son seems to crave his mother's affection and attention more than his own because he was that boy once. Everyone always comments on how alike Tobias and Benjamin are, and it's true - Tobias likes to think that Benjamin is who he would have been if he had two real parents -, but his deeper nature, his insecurities, his weaknesses, those all got passed along to Matthew.

And you'd think that would give Tobias some idea of how to relate to his youngest, but it doesn't because today is not a normal day, and he can feel his life unraveling one thread at a time. Matthew pointing out the one thing that holds them altogether is just some awful bonus. And it only gets worse in-between visitors because as he stands at the table and colors he start sing-songing, "Momma, momma, momma!"

The room is already tense, fraught with the fears no one wants to talk about that Matthew, little and oblivious, is unaffected by, at least for the time being. But all he's doing is dragging glass across everyone's nerves and it's only a matter of time before one of them snaps; Shauna, who's got a hand clutched to her forehead like she's got a splitting headache; Christina who's been pacing a hole in the floor since she arrived; Zeke who's terse and quiet and totally unlike himself.

In the end, it's Tobias who finally snaps, and bellows, "Matthew. Shut. Up!"

It shocks everyone, but most of all his son who takes one look at him, bursts into tears, and then runs and hides in his bedroom.

"God damn it!" Tobias yells, pissed off and frustrated at himself for losing it like that. He wants to punch a hole in the wall. He wants to break things. He wants to scream and yell, and more than anything he just wants Tris there to yell back.

"I just… I need a minute," he says shakily, stalking out the door, to the hallway outside their apartment.

It takes him a while to compose himself, and when he comes back inside no one will meet his eye. He slips into the kids room feeling guiltier than he ever has in his life, because he's spent it all not wanting to be Marcus, and now he was. He scared his children. And in a day when all his worst fears seem to be becoming reality, it's just one more.

Matthew is face down on his bed, crying softly, and when Tobias reaches out for him, he shys away. It's like a knife through his heart. He put that fear in his  _child_ , and what kind of parent does that? Sadly, he knows exactly which kind.

"Come on, Matty," he says gently, imploringly, and this time Matthew doesn't avoid his touch. He lets his father pick him up, cradle him, murmur how sorry he is that he yelled at him as he presses soft kisses to the crown of his head.

"Do you want to tell me what that was about?" Zeke asks, coming inside and closing the door behind him.

He doesn't, not really, but he does anyway. "I don't know how to do this," he says with a mirthless chuckle. "Any of it. Not without her."

"Well not like that," Zeke says, but it's a weak joke and neither of them laugh.

"What the hell am I going to do, Zeke? What am I going to do with two kids-" he chokes, the words refusing to leave his throat.

"You'll get through it," Zeke says, resolute. "For her, you will. If you have to. And you do. Because they're pieces of her, and we both know that… if the worst should happen," he says, trying to be delicate, "that's what she'd want."

"It should have been me," he whispers, despondent. "If it had to be one of us, it should have been me. She's the one they need. Not me. She's the one who loves them, who's always loved them. Who's always wanted them."

Zeke looks at him appraisingly for a minute before he speaks again. "You know, during the war, when Tris was captive in Erudite, there wasn't a thing in this world that could have stopped you from joining her. It didn't matter what I said, what Tori said, what  _anybody_  said. You were going, end of discussion."

"Do you have a point?"

"Yeah, and it's this: I haven't seen you make a break for the door once today. You stayed here, with your boys. And, whether you're willing to admit it or not, somewhere along the line your priorities changed. Tris will fight hard to come back to you, to your family. But if she can't, she knows you love them, will do whatever you need to do for them, so maybe it's time you stopped believing that you don't deserve them."

Tobias doesn't have anything to say to that, but that's mostly because he refuses to let himself believe that it's true.

"Let me take the little monster," he offers, standing up and extending his hands. "Shauna's making grilled cheese."

"Unless your name is Tris good luck getting him to eat," he says, but still hands Matthew over.

"He doesn't scare me," Zeke teases, and then blows as raspberry against Matthew's neck that makes him shriek with laughter. It makes Tobias a little jealous that he's not the one causing that.

Tobias flops down on the bed, totally wrung out. He doesn't even let himself consider a future without Tris. That is a very dark and dangerous road he won't let himself go down right now. Instead, he thinks about what their future will be when she comes home. And he's still musing on those ideas when Christina starts yelling for him.

Tobias is pretty sure his heart stops, but his legs keep working and in his haste to get to her where she in the other bedroom stationed by the phone he nearly rips the door off its hinges.

"It's for you," she says shakily, extending the phone to him.

He can hardly find his voice when he puts the receiver to his ear, unsure what he's going to hear on the other end. But then he hears Tris' voice saying his name, and this time he can't stop the tears from coming.

"Tris?" he says, shaking so bad he collapses onto their bed.

"It's me," she confirms.

"Thank God," he mutters. "Where are you?"

"The hospital."

"Why didn't you call?" he accuses, and then thinks better of it. "I mean, are you okay?" he asks, stumbling all over himself.

"I'm okay," she rushes to reassure him. "I've got a concussion, and I'm covered in cuts and bruises, but I'm okay. I would have called sooner, but I couldn't get out of bed without falling from the dizziness, and I tried to get them to call you, but I couldn't - I couldn't remember our number," she admits, ashamed.

"It's fine. We were just worried," he says, his voice thick. "Please, just… just come home, Tris. We need you." 

"I am. Soon. I promise," she says, though it's clear from her voice that she's crying now to. "Amar's here now, and he's going to bring me home."

"Have you seen Uri? Zeke and Shauna are here and we can't find him either."

"He's here. Amar says he's in surgery. It's his knee. Or leg. Or both," she says uncertainly. "I don't - I don't really remember what happened. But Amar says they have to replace some of the bone."

"It's better than it could have been," Tobias says grimly.

"Tobias, we lost Tori." Tris says it so evenly that for a minute he doesn't think she means what he thinks she means, but then he hears her making some inhuman sound on the other end of the line; sounds of grief, and pain, and confusion and he knows Tori's dead. 

 

 


	2. The First Day (T) - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... I'm back, ready to wrap up this little snippet of the story. I feel like I should warn you (and those of you who have been reading my work for a while probably already know this), but not every chapter is not going to be wrapped up with a pretty little bow; this is one of those chapters. Anyway, I'll post chapter 3 next Sunday, and it will jump ahead in time a few months. 
> 
> In the meantime, I've written a few FourTris drabbles from user submitted prompts on my Tumblr. You can check those out @ bleuwrites.tumblr.com/tagged/drabbles . I've still got a few prompts in my queue, so there will be more this week, and if you've got a prompt for me don't be shy! drop it in my Ask or Submit box.

Closests are good, Benjamin thinks. Quiet and dark and solitary even if there is a shoe digging into his butt. He squirms further inside, letting the detritus on the floor of his closet cocoon him. At least here he doesn't have to look at the haggard lines on his father's face and know that he put them there. Because this is his fault. All his fault. He jinxed his mother's existence and now he's paying the price.

If he had just let him hug and kiss and love him no matter what anyone else thinks there wouldn't have been a bomb, he's sure of it. And now he's being punished for it because of course the one day he pushes her away and hurts her feelings is the day he maybe never gets to tell her that he loves her again, too.

And he really doesn't say it enough, he decides. He'll do it every day from now on. Twice a day, even. If she comes back. And he'll never get in trouble again. He won't complain about eating his brussel sprouts no matter how disgusting they are, and he'll always put the toilet seat back down so she doesn't fall in when she has to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. He'll brush his teeth and say his prayers and whatever else,  _if she just comes back_ , he bargains with whoever is willing to listen to him.

"Ben?" his father's voice floats into his sanctuary.

Benjamin doesn't want to, tries really, really hard not to, but still gives a big wet sniffle and then the jig is up.

The closet door opens, bathing him in weak light. It's still enough for Benjamin to see his father staring down at him, strangely stricken, and before he knows it Tobias scoops him up like he weighs nothing; one hand under his knees and the other around his back, just like when he was baby.

"What are you doing in there?" Tobias asks as he kicks the door closed and sits them down on the bed, Benjamin still on his lap as his fingers search out any signs of injury.

"Hiding," Benjamin chokes out, burying his face in his father's neck while his chest heaves with the effort to suppress his sobs.

"I'm sorry I scared you," Tobias says quietly, pulling him closer.

"It's m-my fa-fault," Benjamin stutters through his tears.

" _No, Ben_ ," Tobias says emphatically. "It's not your fault. It's  _never_ your fault."

"Yes it is!" he says shrilly. "I did something bad this morning, and now mom…" He can't even finish the sentence as he starts crying again. It's not until he hiccups the last of his tears away that he's able to tell his dad about  _stupid Zack Hinke making fun of him_ , and hurting his mom's feelings and how because of that there was a bomb.

And okay, when he actually says it out loud it sounds silly, but he still should have known better.

"That wasn't a very nice thing you did," his father says.

"I know," Ben says, his voice meek.

"But it wasn't the reason someone set off a bomb today."

"Then why did it happen?" Benjamin challenges.

He smiles at Ben and all it does is make him angry, like his father's calling him stupid, though he's doing nothing of the sort. "I'll tell you later, but right now your mom's on the phone and she wants to talk to you," he says, smiling broadly.

"Really?" Benjamin exclaims, his heart stuttering to a stop and then racing in his chest at the news.

"Really," Tobias confirms, helping Ben scramble off his lap.

He's still furiously wiping the tears from his cheeks when Tobias ushers him into the other bedroom, a strong hand spanning the space between his shoulders. And he wants to talk to his mom right then, but he has to wait a bit because Christina's in there with Matthew on her lap and his little brother is clutching the phone like a lifeline, babbling into it in a way that only his mother ever seems to understand.

 _Finally_  he finishes and holds the phone out to Christina, but Ben snatches it away before she can grab it. "Mom?" he asks, his voice still a little watery.

"Hi, Ben," she says, her voice soft and strained.

Benjamin is vaguely aware of Christina handing Matthew off to his dad, his dad lingering over something on the dresser behind him before finally leaving, but all he can really focus on is his mother's voice. He can't even focus on the million questions buzzing in his brain, but they seem to tumble out of their own volition.

He's whiney and demanding, probably, as he asks them, but he doesn't care because his mom is on the other end of the line and she's not okay-okay, but she's okay and she's coming home and he's so grateful he almost starts crying again.

And it seems nonsensical to him after everything today, that when he finishes she has just as many questions for him. She wants to know how him and Matty and Dad are, worriedly fusses over  _them_  being okay when they didn't really even leave the Pire. He almost slips up and tells her about Tobias yelling when she asks about him, but he bites his tongue, keeping that to himself. He's not a tattle-tale, especially when it comes to his father.

"When are you gonna be home?" he asks, the whining tone from earlier edging into his voice again.

"Later. There's a lot of injured people still here, and they can't let us just leave. They have to keep track of everyone so they know who's safe and who's not," she explains. "So it will probably be a few hours, at least."

Benjamin makes an annoyed noise that makes his mom laugh. "I know, Ben. I wish I was at home too, but we can talk for a little longer. How was school? Did you like Ms. Black?"

He flops down on his side, on the bed, the phone pressed to his ear and tells her about school, and Ms. Black, and how sorry he is he was mean this morning, just like she would if she were next to him and not on the other side of the city. And despite all the chaos and fear and uncertainty of the day Benjamin, at least, feels like everything is going to be all right.

* * *

When Tobias comes back in the living room the only person there is Zeke. He's standing at the floor-to-ceiling windows looking a thousand miles away as the last flaring burst of sunset threads the western horizon.

"Where is everybody?" Tobias asks. He's got Matthew propped on his hip, held steady with one arm, but he's still dexterous enough to take down to glasses and fill them with enough liquor to numb the pain a little. He hands one to Zeke though he stares anywhere but out the window. It's been years and he's still afraid of heights.

"My mom's. They wanted to tell her about Uri, let her know he's okay. Hopefully they'll lift the lock down soon so we can actually go see him." As it stands right now the only people who can move about the city are medical staff and security forces; everyone else is supposed to go home and stay there.

"The sooner they find out who made the bomb, the sooner they'll lift it," Tobias says neutrally.

"After everything she's been through… after losing George and a revolution and finding him and getting shot - twice -, this is how Tori goes out?" Zeke mutters, disgusted. "It's so fucking pointless. And for what? To spark another war that was never ours to begin with?"

"If it was the GD rebels, yeah," Tobias hedges.

"And if it wasn't? How's that going to end for us, if it was faction loyalists?" Zeke scoffs.

Tobias blows out a heavy breath. The city has changed a lot since they discovered the Bureau was masterminding things. The factions have been partially dismantled - hell, he was a key player in that -, but there are still people who think the old ways were the best ways.

Being on the Council in the months immediately after the war they had to find a middle ground. Most people didn't want to get rid of the factions entirely; it was too ingrained, and the Hell you know seems so much safer than the unknown. But change had to happen too, to avoid another war, if nothing else. So he and Johanna and the other council members came up with a new framework, one in which the factions still existed, but were a shadow of their former selves.

The first thing they did was ban the aptitude tests. The second thing they did was to abolish the strictures against intermingling between factions. People can see their children and their grandchildren and keep their families even if they don't keep their factions; they can even intermarry now, if they want. And without 'Faction before blood', the factions were reduced to their essential function: institutions of higher learning.

Now the factions exist as groups of people who specialize in a particular field; Amity in food production and the science that will produce more and better of it; Dauntless in policing and protection, hand-in-hand with the Bureau; Erudite provides doctors and other medical staff, as well as medical research, though that is strictly monitored; Abnegation is in charge of city planning, projects, and staffing the countless government agencies; Candor provides the legal system, it's staff, and unbiased information for the public.

It was the changes for the Factionless that were the most radical - and most controversial -, though. Now they have jobs, food, and housing. They have representation on the Council. Their children go to school with all the other children in the city, and when they're 16 they can choose to join a faction. Or not. No one has to join a faction at 16 if they don't want to, and if they choose wrong they can try again each Choosing Day until they're 18. Or people can choose to be factionless. Granted the jobs they will have will be menial jobs, but being a bus driver or a trash collector is better than their circumstances would have been before the war.

But all those changes… not everyone was or  _is_  happy with them, even seven years later. There had petitions, protests, rallies; they ebbed and flowed, though the discrimination Divergents and Factionless and immigrants from the Fringe face is a constant undercurrent. It has never been violent, not like this anyway.

"I don't know. I've been trying not to think about it," Tobias admits because the last time the city was in chaos the Bureau wanted to wipe their memories. It was awful then, but he's got so much more to lose now, though if Tris had died it would have been a blessing. He holds Matthew just a little bit closer. "You should go be with your family," he adds. "I can handle the Control Room stuff for a while."

"You sure?"

" _Go_. If I hear anything else I know where to find you."

~~xxxx~~

It's full dark by the time Benjamin gets off the phone. His eyes are red and puffy and he's sniffling from the news about Tori, but he tells his dad Tris had to hang up because the nurse came by to give her all the things she'd need to take home when she leaves. Tobias knows it will be a while still; even in the best of times getting discharged from the hospital seems to take forever, and right now it's swamped with patients, to say nothing of the roadblocks her and Amar will have to navigate to get back to the Pire.

Even though Shauna made sandwiches earlier Tobias still cooks dinner. He doesn't eat much of it, is too preoccupied with the moment Tris will walk through the door, but he needs something to do. He makes mac n' cheese and serves it with big glasses of chocolate milk, and though it's not the healthiest meal in the world, it makes Ben and Matty happy and that's all he wants.

Matthew eats his dinner sitting on Tobias' lap. He still needs some help using the spoon and feeding himself, but he's stubborn, just like Tris, and keeps trying to do it on his own. It hits Tobias hard then, just how quickly his kids are growing up. Especially so, when Ben reminds him that he promised to tell him why someone blew up a bomb today. He's always been curious beyond his years.

Tobias tries to put it in terms a seven year old will understand, the fight between the Genetically Pure and Genetically Damaged.

"So which one am I?" Ben asks when Tobias finishes.

"I don't know, and it doesn't matter," Tobias says tightly. He spends the next ten minutes explaining why categorizing people like that is flawed and wrong, though he's not sure how much of an impression it makes on Benjamin.

Since Matthew still seems to get more food on him than in him, he ushers both boys into the bathroom and into the tub. Normally he'd give them each their own bath, but tonight he just doesn't have the time for patience for that. And it seems to thrill Matthew to no end, having his brother their to play with. As they splash and shout and slosh water over the edge and onto the bathroom floor Tobias sits on the closed toilet, computer on his lap, monitoring all the things he normally would in the Control Room.

When the water is tepid and the kids are done bathing he helps dry them off and get them dressed in their pajamas. The school will be closed for who-knows-how-long so there's no reason to send them to bed. But even if that wasn't the case he'd still keep them up; they need to see their mother, need to hug her and kiss her and know that she's home, that she's safe.

He pulls the blue quilt off it's shelf in the hall closet and lets them curl up on the couch. They're both trying hard to stay awake, and though Ben bears it well, Matthew is still little and fussy and Tobias ends up reading him  _The Snow Queen_  to soothe his temper. Matty's too young to really understand the story, just calms and settles at the sound of his father's voice, but it's a frighteningly appropriate fairy tale to read tonight.

It's the story of a boy and girl who grow up next door to each other, but one day the dust from a mirror made by the devil blows into the boys eye, works it's way into his heart, too. After that all he can see are the ugly, bad parts of the people he looks at. It makes him cruel and violent. He pushes everyone away, hurts the girl, and only sees beauty when he looks at snowflakes.

But the girl doesn't forget about him, despite the fact that he broke her heart, and the following winter when he disappears - taken away by the snow queen to her palace of ice -, she tries to find him even though everyone else thinks he's dead. The girl faces trials of her own, including a sorceress who tries to entrap her in a garden of eternal summer, a crow who tries to mislead her, and robbers who kidnap her.

None of that deters the girl though, and eventually she learns where the boy is from a reindeer that saw him taken by the snow queen. With its help she makes the long journey to him, only stopping once at the home of an old woman to rest. While she sleeps the woman tells the reindeer that the girl is the only one who can save the boy, that she has a secret and unique power.

" _Don't you see how strong she is?_ " Tobias reads, his voice strained and his mind filled with everything Tris. " _How men and animals are obliged to serve her, how well she has gotten through the world, barefooted as she is. She cannot receive any power from me greater than she now has, which consists in her own purity and innocence of heart._ "

It's that strength that takes her to the snow queen's palace, past even more dangers to find the boy trapped and enslaved. But the snow queens bargains with her: if she can make the boy form the word 'eternity' despite the enchantments, she will release him. The girl kisses the boy, and he is saved by the power of her love. The tears she weeps at their reunion set him free, melt away the splinters of the evil mirror inside him, allowing him to see the good in the world again.

Tobias closes the book slowly, unwilling to disturb Matthew who's now slumped against his shoulder, asleep.

"It's like me and Zoey," Benjamin decides. "Growing up next door to each other. She'd save me too."

"No, it's not," Tobias says quietly. It's like him and Tris. Benjamin will never know what it's like to look at people and only see the awful things they're capable of, not if Tobias can help it.

Tobias passes him the book, letting him practice his reading and hoping it's enough to keep him awake, disturbed and comforted in equal measure by a story that's centuries older than they are. He pours himself another drink and leans against the counter heavily. He's just thrown back the last of it when the door creaks open and Amar leads Tris inside.

He barely registers anything about her appearance just that she's  _there_. And then she's in his arms. He kisses her, hard, and one of them must be crying because their lips are slippery with tears. With one hand buried in her hair and an arm wrapped around her waist he plans on never letting go again. He thinks about eternities; the small ones confined in the space of a kiss and the longer ones bookended by raising a family. Tobias wants all of them with Tris, can't imagine them without her.

"I love you," he mumbles against her lips, repeats the words against her cheek and her ear as her body melts against his. She smells all wrong; smells like dust and blood and antiseptic, but she feels small and strong and warm like she always does.

As much as Tobias doesn't want to let go, as much as he needed Tris back, Benjamin and Matthew need her more. Matty is just rubbing sleep out of his eyes, looking thoroughly confused as he tries to figure out what's going on, but Benjamin looks like he's going to burst out of his skin if he's patient for a second longer. It's amazing either of them have let their parents have this moment together.

Benjamin's eyes are wide and glassy as he takes in the sight of his mother. She's in hospital issue scrubs that are overlarge on her, but they're clean, unlike her hair and skin. She's bruised, dirty, bloody. There's a long bandage down the underside of her left forearm, from her elbow almost to the  **IV**  tattooed on the inside of her wrist. She has another under her right cheek; the skin around each is stained with iodine.

Benjamin buries his face in her stomach, his little arms wrapped around her tightly. Matthew takes one look at her and bursts into tears. Tobias picks him up and then almost drops him as she lurches in his arms, struggling towards his mother, wailing that "Momma hurt!" over and over again.

It takes a while for her to calm him, for them all to calm down as they're pressed together awkwardly, no one willing to let go. "I want them with us tonight," Tris says, one arm around each of their children.

"Of course," Tobias murmurs soothingly, angling around the bodies between them to kiss her again.

Tobias actually startles when Amar clears his throat; he'd forgotten he was there. "Sorry to interrupt, but-"

"The silver laptop has everything you need," Tobias says, cutting him off. "You can stay here or take it with you, but right now I need to take care of my family." It comes out a little more harshly than Tobias intended, but he really has a hard time giving a shit at this point.

"Right," Amar says, chastened.

"Thank you for bringing me home," Tris says, sparing Tobias a glare that tells him just how rude he's being right now. "And if you see George… tell him… tell him I'm so sorry," she sutters, choking up again.

Amar gives them both a pained look, but nods, resolute, and seats himself in front of the computer Tobias indicated.

Benjamin disentangles himself and takes Tris' free hand; her other arm is wrapped around Tobias' waist for support. The concussion has made her unsteady on her feet, like she's on the deck of a rocking boat, though thankfully the drugs they gave her at the hospital have stopped the room spinning like a top. They make it to the bedroom though, Benjamin and Matthew scrambling up onto the bed eagerly.

Tris looks warily at the bathroom. She needs a shower, but she's not sure she can manage it. "Come on, I'll help you," Tobias says, reading her mind. "Ben, keep an eye on your brother, okay?"

They leave the bathroom door open just enough to know what's going on in the bedroom beyond, but still give them a little privacy. Tobias bypasses the bathtub, instead aiming for the shower stall built in the other end of the room. He twists the tap on and as the water heats up he helps Tris undress. The entire length of her right side is mottled with bruises, her hips and thigh so deeply purple the skin is almost black.

She clutches the counter for support as he undresses. "Let me know if I'm hurting you," he says, leading her into the shower.

"I can't really feel any pain right now; they gave me something for it at the hospital," she explains. "But I can't… I can't make my body move like it should, either."

"Just try to stay upright and I'll do all the work," he promises, reaching for her soap. The dressings on her wounds are waterproof, so that's one less thing to worry about, though she does pitch back and forth a few times making Tobias reach out and steady her. Still, she's easier to wash than either of their kids have been, so it's not much of a struggle for him, at least until he needs to wash her hair.

"I can't close my eyes," she frets. "It feels like I'm falling. Or spinning."

"Just hang on to me, okay?" he says, reaching out for her. "I won't let you fall."

"No, you'll catch me when I do," she mumbles and it makes him wonder if she's a little stoned from the drugs or if it's just the effects of the concussion.

She still keeps her eyes open as long as she can, looking at a spot on the wall over his shoulder as he scrubs her hair clean of dirt and dried blood. When he needs to rinse it, she closes the little distance between them, resting her head on his chest. They stay like that for a long time, just holding each other under the spray.

By the time they get out their both water-logged and wrinkly, and Tris looks even more exhausted than she did before she got in the shower, though at least she's clean now. Ben and Matty are just where they left them, both struggling to keep their eyes open as they watch their parents slip from the bathroom to the walk-in closet. Tobias scowls as he keeps Tris upright while she tugs on a pair of leggings; they seem more effort than they're worth right now. Of course when he helps her into the loose tunic-style she sleeps in he puts it on her backwards at first, so.

"Do we need to talk about leaving?" she whispers as he gets dressed.

"Not yet. Not until we know who's behind it. If it's the GD rebels it makes no sense to leave." They've talked about this before, what they'd do to protect their family; what they'd do if they had to leave.

"You still have the vaccines Cara gave us, right?"

He pushes the clothes hanging against one wall out of the way and taps on the false panel he installed right after Matthew was born.

"I'm surprised you didn't give them to the boys today."

"I didn't want to make the decision without you," Tobias says, though he doesn't meet her eyes when he does. "C'mon, you need to get in bed," he adds, trying to change the subject and divert her attention away from the fact that his delaying might have resulted in their sons losing their memories.

Ben and Matty make room for her between them, and Tobias crawls into the vacant space on the other side of Benjamin. They're a jumble of limbs, but for tonight, at least, they're together.

* * *

It feels like Tobias has barely closed his eyes before the sun is streaming in through the windows and someone is pounding on their door. He staggers out of bed, through the living room and flings it open. "What?" he growls, leaning heavily on the frame and rubbing his eyes.

"I need to talk to you and Tris," Harrison says wearily. When Tobias can finally focus his eyes he sees that he looks completely wrecked; Tobias can only imagine the kind of night Harrison must have had.

"Tris is in bed. Where she needs to be. What can I do for you?" he asks pointedly.

"I need both of you," he says, pushing his way into the apartment. He's followed by Amar and Zeke, the latter of which gives him an apologetic look.

"How's Uri?" Tobias asks quietly, staying him.

"Still pretty out of it. Gonna be laid in the hospital for a week or so. But, he's alive," he says, clearly relieved. It's one of the few pieces of good news they've had, other than Tris, who chooses that moment to appear in their bedroom door, looking just as bedraggled as the two little boys flanking her.

"How do you feel?" Harrison asks politely as he sits down.

"About as good as I look," Tris says sarcastically, settling on the couch across from him. It doesn't escape Tobias' notice how carefully she lowers herself onto it, how much pain she must be in. Ben and Matthew stick with her, and though he'd like to tell them to go play in their room he knows Benjamin at least will just end up listening at the door, making the request pointless.

"You need to be in bed," he says quietly, leaning over to whisper in her ear as Amar and Zeke drag chairs from the kitchen table so everyone can sit down.

"I'm fine," she dismisses. Tobias bites his tongue because he doesn't want to fight with her in front of everyone.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. I know you're not at your best right now, but it couldn't wait," Harrison says to Tris before turning to Tobias. "I need you on the Council."

"W-what?" Tobias stutters, shocked.

"I need you on the Council," Harrison repeats. "With Tori…  _gone_ ," he says significantly, "and Lauren leaving, I need to find two people to represent Dauntless. I know it's short notice, and it doesn't have to be permanent, but for right now, I need you on the Council."

"Lauren's leaving?" he asks disbelievingly.

"Packing her bags as we speak," Harrison says with a frustrated flick of his hands.

"Her and Tori were close," Amar explains. "She says can't do it, can't sit there every day and look at the seat next to her and not have Tori in it."

Tobias understands that, but at the same time, they've never needed their leaders more than they do now. And Lauren's turning her back on that, on them.

Tobias looks to Tris, but he can't read her expression.

"If you need me, then I'll do it," he says slowly. Joining the Council again isn't something he thought would happen since he fucked up while Tris was pregnant with Ben. He thought he'd never get a second chance when it came to that.

"The entire Council is meeting here at noon. I expect you there," he Harrison says crisply, now that that's settled.

"So now that that's out of the way, do we know who made the bomb yet?" Zeke asks.

"GD rebels," Amar answers. "Once we identified who left the bomb we were able to trace their movements. They came through the gate, from outside Amity. We don't have any cameras beyond them until the Bureau headquarters, but…," he trails off.

"Good," Tobias says. If it's rebels that puts the city in less danger, at least from the Bureau.

"No, it's not," Harrison says. "We haven't caught them yet, and until we have concrete evidence the Bureau is going to try and pin the blame on us. They'll either say it was faction loyalists or that it was an 'institutional failure' that we weren't able to apprehend them  _before_  they were able to detonate a bomb."

"Neither were they," Tobias snaps.

"I agree it's bullshit, but what about the Bureau isn't?"

No one says anything for a while because they can't disagree with that statement.

"Tris, I hate to do this, but we need you to go to the Bureau. Today. Right now," Harrison says, already bracing for the fit he knows Tobias is going to pitch. He remembers what he was like when Tris went to Erudite during the war.

"No," Tobias snaps.

" _Excuse me?_ " Tris snaps back, her eyes blazing. "It's my job," she seethes.

"I don't give a shit. You need to be here. Resting. With your sons," Tobias says, resolute. "And I out-rank you, as a faction leader. You're not going. We'll send someone else."

"Can you excuse us for a minute," Tris says, shifting Matthew off her lap and onto the couch. She pushes herself up slowly, walks stiffly to their bedroom and slams the door shut once her and Tobias are alone again.

"You're not going," he says again, standing in front of the door like he can stop her.

"Yes I am."

" _No you're not!_ " Tobias explodes. "God damn it Tris, why won't you let me keep you safe!?"

She doesn't try to interrupt his rant, just stands a few feet away from him with her arms crossed over her chest and a pissed off expression on her face.

"Look at yourself! You can barely get out of bed and you think you're up to going to the Bureau? You could have died yesterday."

"That wasn't my fault!" she protests, losing her patience with him a little.

"Do you have any idea -  _any idea_  - what that was like for Ben and Matty? And now you want to tromp off to the Bureau? No. It's not happening."

"Do. Not. Bring Benjamin and Matthew into this," she says through gritted teeth. "Not when you just took a job at the one place rebels  _have_  exploded a bomb in this city."

"Don't try to make it the same thing. It's not," Tobias shoots back. "Ben and Matty don't need me. Not like they need you."

Tobias doesn't see her slap coming, but he sure as hell feels it.

"Don't you  _ever_  say that, Tobias," she seethes, suddenly centimeters from him. "Never."

They glare at each other for a long minute before he huffs out a breath and slumps against the dresser. "I can't do this, any of it, without you. I lost it with Matthew yesterday, did Ben tell you that?"

"No," Tris says quietly, coming to stand next to him.

"I did. Screamed at him. Scared him. It was just like after Evelyn 'died'."

"You're not your father."

"I was, yesterday."

"No, you were human yesterday," she corrects. "And we make mistakes. What matters is what we do after. Did you lock him in a closet? Hit him with a belt?"

"No, of course not," he says, disgusted.

She's quiet for a long minute. "I don't want to go."

"Then don't," Tobias says quickly, hoping to stem the rest of the words he knows are coming.

"I have to."

"We can send someone else."

"They won't know these people, not like I do. And all politics is people," she says picking at the edge of the dresser. "David feels guilty… about what happened to Caleb."

"He doesn't remember what he did to Caleb," Tobias points out.

"I know. But he's seen the tapes. And he's seen me, seen how me having to revisit the place my brother died hurts me," Tris says haltingly. "He hates it. And it makes him feel guilty. No one else has the influence that gives me with him. Just imagine what seeing me like this will do," she jokes, weakly.

Tobias sighs heavily, and he might as well admit defeat right there. He decides to try one last means of persuasion before he runs up the white flag though. "What are you going to do about Ben and Matty? They're going to panic if you leave right now."

"Do you think it's going to be any easier for them knowing you're going to the Hub every day? I mean, Matthew is still young, he doesn't really know what's going on. But Ben? How do we do this?" she asks worriedly, chewing on her lip.

Tobias doesn't know. Not today. Not after what happened yesterday. Because part of the reason they do this is for them. Because they want their kids to grow up in a better world than the one they did. It's just never been this dangerous since the war. And he doesn't know how something can feel so selfish and selfless at the same time.

"Let's just get through today," he says heavily, pushing himself away from the dresser. "You should get ready."

"Hey," Tris says, reaching out for Tobias as he turns to leave, trying to reel him back in. She tries to kiss him, but he turns away.

"Not right now, Tris," he says, pain evident in his voice as he pulls away again. "When you get back, we can do this. I need to talk to Amar… And the kids."


	3. Autumn (M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is "M" rated. If you've got a problem reading about Tris and Tobias getting it on, skip it.

Tobias shifts, trying to find a position that will lull him back to sleep. It’s his day off damn it. He’s not getting up before sunrise. He’s not. But his body disagrees, and his mind isn’t far behind, reminding him of all the things he needs to do.  

He knows that overnight his inbox will have filled, despite leaving only a few messages unanswered last night. He knows that he has a stack of propositions to read; the same ones the ambassadors put in front of the Council the day of the bombing, that they’re just now getting to, a month later.

He knows there are things he should be doing for Tris and the boys too, things that have been put on the backburner with him working six and seven day weeks and getting home so late that they’re already in bed, asleep. He can’t even remember the last time he had a conversation with Tris that didn’t revolve around work, what with her being an ambassador and him being a leader again.

He turns over, gathering her against him, his chest pressed to her back, and tries to ground himself in the feel of her body against his. When she got back from her trip to the Bureau the day after the bombing he forced her to bed. She felt so wrecked she let him. It didn’t stop her working though; she’d fight through headaches and exhaustion and dizzy spells to confer with the other ambassadors over the phone. More than once Tobias had to pry the receiver out of her hands and end the calls himself.

He expected her to rail at that, and she did, but then Matthew or Benjamin would peek their heads in, wanting her attention too, and before she was anything else she was a mother. A mother whose children almost lost her. A mother whose children were still terrified of losing her. A mother whose children just wanted her to get better, and to do that she had to give herself time to recover.

It sapped whatever anger she had.

At first Tobias tried to keep their boys with him as much as possible - eschewing the office at the top of the Pire as much as he could -, but he couldn’t deny her or them the comfort they each took in the other’s presence. They napped with her, cuddled with her, read to her; all the while reminding her just how different things were now than they were during the war far better than Tobias ever could by raging at her.

It came at the expense of having the kids in the bed with them most nights, but Tobias considered that a small price to pay even though it wasn’t something he usually encouraged. Of course there were always rare nights when they relaxed that rule; nights when the kids were sick or scared or fussy and wouldn’t sleep in their own beds. But if Tobias is honest about it, he needed them in his and Tris’ bed as much as they needed it.

But that time had passed, and now the boys are asleep in their room, safe and content. It’s just him and Tris and for the first time in weeks this feels normal. Or it would, if he could get back to sleep, which he can’t.

And once he decides that going back to sleep is a fantasy he starts disentangling himself from Tris, trying hard not to roughly kick away the blankets in his frustration. He still wakes her up.

“Are you going to work?” she mumbles once he’s sitting on the edge of the bed.

“No. Just can’t sleep,” he says quietly, leaning over to kiss her between her brows. “You should though. I’ll go out in the living room so I don’t keep you up.”

She twines her arm around his neck, holding him to her as she nuzzles against the the rough stubble of his cheek. “Lay with me for a little while,” she entreats.

“You’re sure?,” he hedges, though he’s already making to lie down again because really; if it’s a choice between working and Tris, he’ll take Tris every time.

“It’s fine. I’m up,” she assures him though her voice is sluggish and heavy.

They settle back in bed, him on his back, her pressed against his side, one leg thrown over his and her arm slung around his waist to keep him there.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay,” she chuckles, rubbing her nose against his neck. “How about you?”

“Your leg’s not bothering you?” he asks, ignoring her question and carding his fingers through her hair in the way he know she likes. The bruises on her leg have only faded to a sickly yellow, the trauma to her muscles so deeply rooted it’s yet to heal completely. It pains her, he knows, though she doesn’t mention it to him.

“It’s fine.”

“You know, that’s not an answer.”

“And you know you’re just avoiding my question,” she quips.

He sighs deeply, trying to find the right words. “I’m… I don’t know. Just a lot going on in my head.”

“You just need to relax,” she says smugly. And suggestively. She tilts his lips towards her with a finger hooked under his chin and gives him a kiss that promises a lot more.

“And you need to heal,” he reminds her. He tries to pull away, but he’s already half hard and it’s a weak protect at best.

“I’m not as fragile as you think I am,” she says, running her fingers down his bare chest. He catches them just before they dip under the waistband of his sleep pants.

“I know you’re not,” he groans. “But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Mmm, you can do all the work then,” she mumbles against his lips before kissing him more insistently. He pulls away, ready to argument with her some more, but she cuts him off. “It’s been a month for me too, Tobias. I need you.”

His whole body gives in to her at that, and with another groan he swoops back down to fit their lips together. He doesn’t know how long he kisses her for, just that it feels like forever and not long enough and the bedroom lightens by slow degrees around them.

It’s soft and slow and succulent in a way it rarely is in the stolen moments they can find with two kids kicking around. He strips her of her shirt just for the pleasure of feeling her chest pressed against his, though his lips and tongue make a slow traverse of it too, following the path forged by his fingers.

He groans around her breast when her hand clumsily makes its way into his pants, thoroughly distracted by what he’s doing with his mouth. When she strokes him it feels decadent and so much better than his own hand does when he works himself to completion in the shower like he’s been doing most mornings.

“ _Fuck_. If you don’t… I’m gonna…,” he babbles against her skin, his hips thrusting despite his warning. She understands his unwillingness to finish this way though; slackens her grip until she’s palming him, but he’s still panting.

“I need to taste you,” he says when he’s somewhat lucid again, and already slinking down her body under the covers even as the words leave his lips.

“Later,” she promises. “I need you inside me,” she says, trying to kiss him and push his pants down at the same time.

He doesn’t protest, not even close, just fumbles at her panties. She’s so wet the scrap of cotton between her legs is drenched, peels away from her skin and leaves a sticky trail down her thighs before she kicks them off and Tobias kicks them to the foot of the bed with his pants.

She arches and moans lowly, enjoying the way he stretches her as he pushes inside.

“Do I need to pull out?” he asks because he has to.

Her own body kept her barren while she was breastfeeding Matthew, but they’ve spent the last year dancing around the question of having a third child, neither of them willing to say yes or no to the question outright. In the meantime they try to avoid pregnancy by him pulling out as her body reaches the time it’s most ready to conceive, and using condoms during the time she is. It’s a risk, but…

“No,” she says, knotting her fingers into his hair and pulling him down for a kiss. “We’re okay.”

He kisses her deeply; rewarding her, thanking her - he’s not sure which. He loves being without barriers - loves the feel of her tight and hot and slick and dripping all over him -, but he loves coming inside of her more; loves that she’ll feel his release dampening her panties all day, reminding her that he was inside her.

He starts moving, thrusting into her with the type of long, deep strokes she loves. He traces the flush that starts out of her cheeks and chases it down to the rosy tips of her breasts with his nose, before eventually sucking them into mouth. He flicks his tongue across them just like he does when he’s between legs and she has to muffle the sounds she’s making with her hand to avoid waking the kids. In their haste they forgot to close and lock the bathroom door and Tobias will be damned if he’s leaving the warm embrace of her body to do it now.

Tobias wants to make her come, again and again, to make up for all the times he hasn’t been able to lately; once isn’t going to be enough for either of them this morning. He nudges her hand aside with his lips, swallowing her moans as he continues the same steady pace, each snap of his hips pushing him into her so deeply he feels something solid brush against his tip. Her walls flutter around him irregularly, ready, right on the edge of an orgasm, just waiting for that one little thing that will tip her over the edge.

His fingers trip down her body, getting slick already on the sheen of sweat stippling her skin. He only has to scissor his fingers around where they’re joined a few times before she arches and shakes and contracts around him, hard.

She pulls away, gasping, desperately for air, her mouth working uselessly because when he makes her come that hard she doesn’t make noise, can’t. It’s too much for him though, seeing her body a slave to his - so beautiful and free and awake -, that his hips snap of their own volition and, pushing impossible deeper as a white-hot heat sizzles down his spine and into her.

Her hands are still shaking as she reaches out for him again, to kiss him weakly. “I love you,” she mumbles, pulling him closer, forcing him to rest his weight on her. He’s always worried he’s going to crush her, but he learned a long time ago that she relishes his weight on top of her, holding her down, surrounding her, making her feel safe and loved. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like it, for the same reasons.

It takes them a while to recover, for him to flop to the side and draw her into his side again and cocoon them in the blankets. They watch the sun rise in earnest outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, bathing the city around them in golden light. 

* * *

 

“I’m surprised the kids haven’t woken up yet,” he comments, fingers bumping down the rungs of her spine.

“They won’t be up for another hour,” Tris says, twisting around to look at the clock before propping herself up so she can rest her chin on his sternum and watch him watch her. “Do you have to go into the Hub today?”

“No. Why?”

“I thought I could make a big breakfast for us. We haven’t really eaten together as a family since you let me off bed-arrest.”

“I’m considering imposing it again,” he says, brushing her hair behind her ear. It should be teasing, but Tris can see the sadness behind his eyes. She’s been seeing it more and more, in fact.

“Mmm… I won’t complain if you do,” she hums. “But I think we need a shower first.” She doesn’t give him time to argue, just grabs his hand and leads him into the bathroom, careful to close the door to the boys room. Despite his earlier desire and her promise he doesn’t taste her, but halfway through washing each other he presses her up against the cool tile of the wall and they fall apart again under each others hands.

Miraculously, neither of the kids wake up until they’re out and wrapped in robes, wet haired and pink cheeked and lazy after this mornings activities. She lets them monopolize Tobias’ attention while she cooks breakfast. Benjamin is eager to show and tell him about all the things he did in school this week, and Matthew is content to crawl in his lap and snuggle against his chest as his brother chatters on.

It’s a scene that makes her sad and happy, both at the same time. Because whether Tobias would admit it or not - whether he even realizes it - he needs this, needs them; their children and her. And as much as he tries to hide it, she knows how much working like he has been is wearing him down without his family there to buoy him when he gets home every night.

He’s been holing up in the boys room every night this week, watching them sleep. It’s something he usually only does after a visit with Evelyn, at least now; he used to do it all the time when the kids were born, giving them their bottles and telling them all the things they’re old enough to remember now if he were to say them again.

Matthew is still clinging to him as they sit down to eat, plates heaped high with pumpkin pancakes and smelling like everything wonderful about autumn in each little cake. Their friends might tease Tris that Matty’s her baby, but he needs his father too, and seems intent on getting as much of him as he can this morning. Tobias lets Matthew eat off his plate, lets him feed him strips of crispy bacon just because it makes the toddler giggle madly as he bites playfully at his fingers.

Once they’re so full they feel like they’re about to burst Tobias helps her clean up. She doesn’t protest too much; it’s nice feeling him brush his fingers across his back as he works, nice to feel him hovering behind her and kissing her neck as she does dishes.

“What do you have to do today?”

“Just the usual exciting Mom stuff, why?”

“I thought… maybe we could take the kids and get out for a few hours,” he says uncertainly. “I know they’ve been cooped up since the bombing.”

In truth, they all have. For the first few weeks after the bombing the city felt like a military encampment, and it still has a little bit of that feel, the Bureau refusing to move any of the security officers they sent in just in case there’s another attack.

Regardless, Tris almost asks him if he doesn’t have work to do, but she bites her tongue and kisses him and smiles and says, “that sounds nice.”

Tobias gets the kids dressed while she finishes up the rest of the washing. By the time she goes to do the same Ben and Matty are bouncing off the walls. Tobias is more subdued as he pulls on his boots and jacket, tucking his gun unobtrusively in the waist of his pants at the small of his back. It would make Tris nervous if not for the fact that the city is still in a heightened state of alert.

“I’ve just got to go upstairs and grab the keys for one of the Faction cars,” he says as he kisses her. “Meet me downstairs?”

“Sure.”

She corrals the boys with her, making sure they have both hoodies and jackets, just in case the weather turns cold; it’s already crisp with Fall setting in. Halfway down she decides to swing by the cafeteria and grab some sandwiches, unsure of just how long they’ll be long; as happy as her boys are to be getting out that can quickly turn to crankiness if their stomachs start grumbling.

By the time she makes it back upstairs to the doors leading outside Tobias is waiting for her, looking furious. Not at her, but at the two black-clad security officers flanking him. “Wha-?” she starts only to cut off when he gives her a terse, “later” and scoops Matthew into his arms.

His steps are quick and angry as they make their way to the garage that houses the cars Dauntless confiscated from Erudite after the war. Tobias’ motorcycle is against the back wall with a tarp slung over it. She looks at it longingly; they haven’t used it much since Matty was born.

Once they’re all buckled in he doesn’t wait to see if the two officers are following them. They are, but that only seems to piss him off more.

“Do you want to tell me what that’s all about?” Tris asks quietly, prying his hand off the gearshift and wrapping it in hers as he drives.

“Apparently I can’t anywhere with a guard,” he spits out. “I get that all the leaders now have guards when they travel from their home to the Hub, but this is bullshit.”

“Tobias,” she chastises him quietly, giving him a significant look when he glares at her.

“I can protect my family,” he says tightly.

“They’re just doing their job,” she argues. “And right now isn’t the time for this,” she says, nodding towards the back seat where Ben and Matty are watching them with rapt attention.

“You asked,” he says petulantly.

She keeps his hand wrapped in her though, and the further they get from the Pire the more he calms, though he does scowl and glare at the rearview mirror every time he thinks to.

“Where are we going?” Tris eventually asks, once she thinks there’s little chance he’ll snap his answer at her.

“That hill we take the kids sledding,” he answers her, much more composed now.

Calling it a hill is being generous - it’s barely a knoll -, but Ben and Matty look forward to sledding down it every winter. And it’s far away from the center of the city. Tris isn’t sure if that’s a good thing or not, but it makes her suddenly grateful for their escort even if Tobias isn’t.

Tris has never seen the place when it’s not smothered in snow. At this time of year it’s covered in brown, dried grass, but the trees at the top are bursting with leaves colored burnished gold, and sweet apple red; even the tips that have browned look rich and earthy.

When they park and get out the guards keep their distance, unobtrusively standing sentry as Ben and Matty run up the hill, Tobias following after them. Tris spreads a blanket in the shade of the trees, anchoring it with the paper grocery bag full of food she brought with them.

The boys find a rabbit bounding among the brush and give chase, hopping through the grass after it in goofy imitation. They play Tag and Hide-and-Seek and Blind Man’s Bluff until they’re red-faced and exhausted, and then they flop down to eat and drink and play I Spy.

Tris tries to get Ben and Matty to lay down and rest, but that’s not going to happen with so many distractions, so it just ends up being her and Tobias sitting on the blanket watching as Ben takes his brother on a treasure hunt.

“I don’t remember it being this hard, when I was on the Council before,” Tobias says, ripping handfuls of dry grass out of the ground.

“You didn’t have a family when you were on the Council before,” she points out.

“We didn’t,” he corrects. “And I miss you guys. Like crazy. I feel like you’re the ones getting the shit end of the stick in all this.”

“We’re okay. The boys miss you like crazy too, but we’re adjusting.”

He’s quiet for a long time before he says, “You’re doing a good job with them. I know you’re basically a single parent right now,” he tries to joke.

“You took care of them for me when I had work stuff. I’m just returning the favor,” she dismisses.

“I feel like I did after Ben was born. I feel like you guys don’t need me,” he admits, his voice quiet.

“No,” she says, resting her chin on her knees. “We need you - we always need you -, but the Faction needs you too. And…,” she trails off.

“And, what?”

“I think you’re doing what you need to do, what you were meant to do,” she says, uncertain of his reaction. “Can you honestly say in the last seven years that there weren’t times you didn’t still wish you were on the Council? That there weren’t things you wanted to do that you couldn’t in the Control Room?”

“It shouldn’t come at the expense of my family though,” he counters.

“It won’t always be like this,” she reasons. “You know it won’t be. Things will settle again, and you’ll be home at a decent hour every night, and can help Ben with his homework and give Matty his bath. Until then, I’m okay picking up the slack.”

And she is. She’s cut back on her hours, worked from home… done everything she can to make sure that the kids always have at least one parent home and there to care for them. She’s still dead tired by the end of the day, but she’s willing to sacrifice for her family. And more to the point, it’s the deal her and Tobias made when Ben was just a baby; if one of them needed to work, the other would be there to take care of the kids.

Tobias flops down on his back, scrubbing at his face in irritation before pulling her down. Like she did this morning she props her chin up on his chest, this time keeping watch on their kids though.

“You’re really okay with this? You didn’t look like it the day Harrison demanded I take the job,” he points out. He caresses the **IV** inked into her wrist with his thumb. He has a matching tattoo on his wrist; her **VI** indelibly imprinted into his skin in lieu of a wedding ring. It wasn't a big deal; just them and a Justice of the Peace at the Hub when Ben was a toddler, but it was important to them, even if they didn't talk about it all that often. 

“I wasn’t. Not with… everything that happened the day before,” she says, tactfully avoiding mentioning Tori. “I didn’t know if there would be other attacks, if you’d be in danger. No matter what you think, our kids need you.”

She keeps saying it because she’s not sure he’ll ever believe her. Or maybe he does, but he won’t let himself believe it. It was the same way when Ben was born. Tobias was so convinced he couldn’t love him, wouldn’t love him, shouldn’t love him that he completely missed the fact that he did love his son. It took Tobias a long time to admit it to himself; even longer to admit it to Tris.

“They’re keeping you safe though,” she says, nodding to the well-armed babysitters still hovering around.

“I don’t care about them, I care about you.”

And, suddenly, she realizes what he’s really asking her, what he needs to hear.

“No matter what, we’ll support you. If you decide to step down once Harrison finds someone else, that’s okay. But if you want to do this we’ll still be here; still love you, still need you,” she vows.


	4. A Fairytale Christmas (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, I've posted this before, in part. You will recognize some it from the "A Fairytale Christmas" one-shot I posted last Christmas. At the time I removed some stuff that referenced the bombing and a few other plot points just for ease of reading; all that is back now and a little bit more, just because ;) Hopefully you enjoy this even though it's not quite September yet and this isn't entirely new material.

Benjamin is dreaming about planes. The really big planes that he's seen the few times his mom has taken him to the Bureau with her. She promised that one day that they could go for a ride in one of them, told him he wouldn't know just how big the world is until he's up there looking down on it.

In his dream they swoop over the Hub like fluttering birds, so close Benjamin thinks he can reach right out and touch them. They even look like birds, like Blue Birds, with their white and tan belly's and brilliant blue wings and body. And they fly soundlessly, or they should, he thinks as he dreams, but he hears voices, or, really, a voice.

It isn't happy or sad, but it is hard to tell at first because it is so indistinct; all around him and no where at the same time; just the same gentle coaxing tone beckoning him to wakefulness, coalescing into his father's voice.

Soon, it is joined by the feel of calloused hands gently shaking him. As his eyes fluttered open he sees the familiar silhouette of his father crouching next to his bed. And Benjamin is in his bed, just like he always is, safe and warm. There are no planes. He'd be almost sad the dream ended if not for his dad there. It feels like forever since he's really seen him.

"Hey," he says quietly. "I want you to come somewhere with me."

"Where?" Benjamin rasps still mostly asleep.

"It's a surprise," Tobias smiles and kisses his forehead. "Come on, I'll help you get dressed. Just try not to wake your brother," he cautions.

They tip-toe out of the apartment, careful not to wake Matthew or Tris (though his dad leaves a note for her, in case she wakes up). It's very early and there aren't many people moving around Dauntless, just the ones who got unlucky enough to be stuck with the nightshift. The streets outside are completely empty.

Benjamin and Tobias' footsteps  _crunch crunch crunch_  as they walk across the crusted snow covering the park. Even though he's knows it's supposed to be a surprise, Benjamin's curiosity gets the better of him and he just has to ask where they're going, what they're doing, why they had to sneak out of the apartment so early.

His father smiles benignly at the flood of questions. "You know how the Neighborhood Redevelopment Agency is fixing up houses in the city so people can move into them?" he asks.

"Yeah."

"Well, they're working on ones on the other side of the park right now. The first one is almost done, and they offered it to us. So we're going to go look at it."

"We're gonna move?"

"Maybe," Tobias shrugs but doesn't elaborate.

Once they break through the trees that border the other side of the park they catch sight of their destination. It's a small cul-de-sac, and despite the early hour it's a beehive of activity. The foreman is waiting for them, and as soon as they are close enough he reaches out to shake hands, a respectful, "Mr. Eaton," slipping past his lips.

Benjamin still isn't used to hearing people address his father to that way. He's always 'Four' to everyone except their mother (except when she's mad at him), or 'Dad' to him and Matty; 'Mr. Eaton' is new and weird, and it seems like it must still be that way to his father what with the way he grimaces as he shakes the man's hand.

The man - Daniel - leads them over to the house on the corner. Unlike the other's it only has another house on one side, so it has a larger yard and a turret. Benjamin likes that right away, even before they get through the front door. But once they're inside he's amazed by just how big the house is. It's so big there are two living room - one on the first floor and one on the second. And there's four bedrooms, too, spread out between the top two floors.

"What do you think, Ben?" his dad asks as they linger at the landing on the third floor, right by what would be his parents new bedroom.

"I don't know," Benjamin mutters, nervous because it's not just him and his dad.

"How about I give you gentlemen some time to talk it over?" Daniel asks. "Just give me the keys on your way out," he says, shaking their hands again.

Once his footsteps have faded down the stairs his father sinks down to sit at the top of them, patting the space next to him for Ben to sit down too.

"Do you like it?"

"I like it," Benjamin hedges.

"But…?"

Benjamin props his chin on his knees, picking at the seam of his pants. "Do we really have to move?," he asks, his voice whining a little by the end. "It's just… far." He is so used to him and Zoey running back and forth down the hall between both their parents apartments - so used to having his other friends only a floor or two up or down - that the distance between this house and Pire felt like a million miles even if it only is on the other side of the park.

"If you really think you'd hate it, we don't," Tobias says gently, laying a comforting arm across Ben's shoulders. "But we need more room. You and Matty are getting bigger, and here you'd each have your own bedroom, and a big yard besides. We could even turn that second living room into a playroom for you and your brother; you know, some place you can make a mess where your mom wouldn't be telling you to clean up all the time."

Benjamin wants to remain sullen and cross and against the idea of moving, but the longer his dad talks the more he finds himself warming to the idea. After all, they'd have a big yard here, and that was something his mother always said when she shot down his idea of a dog: that they need a yard, that they need space that they just didn't have in their apartment in the Pire.

When he mentions that to his father, he laughs good-naturedly, but only says "maybe."

"It might be fun, you know," Tobias continues, "fixing this place up."

"What do you mean?" Benjamin asks, confused because isn't that what Daniel and his workers have been doing?

"Well," his father says slowly, rubbing at the stubble on his face. "It's not really a home yet, is it? I mean it's got walls and roof and all that, but that doesn't make it a home."

"So what does?"

"Paint and wallpaper and furniture, for one thing. I thought… maybe that would be something we could do, just you and me," he says uncertainly. "Christmas will be in a month, and I think there's enough time on the weekends between now and then for us to make it nice, for Mom. It would be her Christmas present this year. And I know, normally, I help you make a present for her, but I thought this year  _you_  could help  _me_."

* * *

The next day Benjamin and his dad drive downtown. Their destination is a store - a big warehouse, really - where they can buy all kinds of things for their new house. Benjamin still isn't 100% sold on the idea of moving, but he likes spending time with his dad; something he hasn't really had a chance to do since the bombing and him taking over Tori's job on the council.

And okay, maybe he does like the idea of not tripping over his little brother all the time because Matthew's ability to annoy him seems to increase in direct proportion to his size and growing vocabulary, but it's still a big change and Ben isn't quite sure he likes that, yet.

He does like riding on the big, wheeled pallet-cart-thingy they get when they walk into the warehouse though. Since Tobias is pushing, Ben has their shopping list in his hand and he dutifully reads the signs hanging over each aisle, directing them where to go. Their first stop is the paint section because, as his dad says, "how hard can picking out colors be?"

Very hard, it turns out. There's about a million different colors and a whole bunch of finishes for each shade. And some need a primer, or special roller or brush to apply. And you need to know how many square feet a wall is so you know how much paint to get, too. When Ben looks at his dad, his eyes are just as wide and bewildered as his own.

"It's fine. We'll figure it out," Tobias says, determined.

It's easier, at first, to dismiss what they don't like. Yellow, orange, and pink are out immediately - no one likes them; red and green are okay as long as they're not too bright; blue is fine if it's very light or very dark, which is how they end up with a pale blue for Matty's bedroom, and a deep, slate-blue for the living and dining room.

Benjamin can't decide on a color for his room though and as he desperately tries to find something he stumbles upon a can of chalkboard paint. "Look," he says, thrusting the can in his father's face. "It's so cool!"

His dad must think so too because after carefully reading the instructions on the back of the can he adds it to the pile they already have, sure they'll find a use for it, eventually. They add a lot of things to their cart for that reason, like the nifty patterned paint rollers Tobias picks up instead of wallpaper.

By the time lunch rolls around they aren't even half done. Still, they stop and have hot dogs at the in-store concession stand. Tobias is just teasing Benjamin about the ridiculous amount of relish on his hot dog when a shy looking woman approaches their table, coughing quietly to get their attention.

"You're Tobias Eaton, aren't you?" she asks, her cheeks burning red.

"I am," he says evenly.

"I just - just wanted to thank you," she stutters, "for what you did. After the war, I mean. Helping the Factionless. My daughter, Amanda, is thinking about transferring to Candor next year; she wouldn't have had that opportunity without the work you did."

"It wasn't just me," Tobias demures. "A lot of people worked hard to make that possible."

"I know, but I still wanted to thank you," she says. "Dauntless wasn't always the greatest friends the Factionless had."

"It was the right thing to do," Tobias dismisses, but not unkindly.

The woman smiles at them both and then melts away into the crowd.

Benjamin stays silent during the exchange, and even after as he watches his dad, seeing a side of him he never really had before, because to him, he's just 'Dad'. He knows both his parents are important, that they've done things, but he's never really seen anyone acknowledge that before, not like this.

"That happens sometimes," Tobias murmurs, catching sight of Ben's puzzled expression. "I never know what to say when it does, though."

"You say 'thank you'," Benjamin shrugs, parroting what he's mother's taught him about accepting compliments. "Or, I guess, 'you're welcome', if that's better." It makes sense to him, but maybe his dad just needs to be reminded.

After the finish eating there's still a lot to do. Picking out blinds and drapes and linens is funner than Ben thought it would be, and picking out furniture is super easy because there aren't that many choices, and then only give you three choices of finish when you do. The furniture has to be delivered though, which is a good thing because will the stuff they already have to take back to the house, the truck is packed. On the way home Benjamin can't see his dad because there's a wall of bedding on the seat between them.

Zeke is waiting for them when get back, ready to help unload, though if the expression on his face is anything to go by, he wasn't expecting it be nearly as big of a job as it's turning out to be. "Did you buy one of everything just to be on the safe side?" he asks, looking at the bed of the truck like he's trying to figure out how to remove things from it without causing an avalanche.

"Feels like it," Tobias says.

"Guess it's a good thing you got that boost in pay from being on the Council again, huh?"

"Yeah, I don't think we'd be eating otherwise," Tobias scoffs.

It takes the three of them the better part of an hour to finish unloading and sorting everything, and by then the sun is inching closer and closer to the western horizon.

"I think we'll have to wait to start working until tomorrow, Ben."

"You know, they invented this thing called 'electricity', Four. It's magical. All you do is flip a switch and there's light," Zeke says very seriously.

"I forgot to get light bulbs," Tobias mutters, refusing to meet his friend's eyes.

Zeke laughs so hard he can't breathe.

* * *

As his father predicted, it takes him and Ben every weekend for a month to turn their new house into a home. It's not going to be quite the surprise for Tris that he anticipated because, as he dad said, Tris might think they'd gotten robbed if she came home one day and all their stuff was gone, so they told her they were getting a new house.

But just that. They didn't tell her that the first thing Benjamin painted was the inky blue that goes all the way from the floor to the chair rail moulding in the living room and dining room. He got more of it on the floor than the wall at first, but that was okay because his dad did too, trying to figure out the patterned paint roller to decorate the wall above it. Besides, they used a drop cloth, so it was no big deal.

And his dad was right about them needing more space. The more time he spends at the new house, the more aware he is of the size of their apartment. And he really doesn't want to share a bedroom with his brother forever. And if they have more room they might finally be able to get a dog (though his dad still hasn't said anything more than 'maybe' when it comes to that). And Benjamin still really, really wants a dog. He wouldn't mind sharing his room with one, even.

It's been a lot of fun helping his dad getting the place fixed up though, spilled paint aside. He even came up with a few ideas of his own, and it made him feel special when Tobias ruffled his hair and said, "that's a good idea, Ben. We should do that," and then did.

But last weekend, when he was doing the very important job of doling out the screws for the desk Tobias was assembling, he realized they were missing an essential part of any gift: the wrapping. As they sat on the dusty floor of what is going to be Tobias' office he made Ben laugh with all the ridiculous ways you could try to wrap a house up, which were impossible to do, but fun to think about.

They did decide to get a big bow to put on the front door though, and Benjamin was happy with that. He imagined a fancy bow made of red and white striped ribbon, like a giant candy cane, but then he walked into school this morning and the teachers had all kinds of crafts laid out for them to do instead of learning stuff, and his eyes glazed over with possibilities. By the end of the day he had something a lot better than a bow, and though it was a job for him to get it home without his mom seeing it, he did.

The hours between when he gets home from school and when his father gets home from work drag; Ben is certain that time must be moving slower than usual, the clock hands sticking stubbornly to the face. It's especially bad while he and Matthew hang out at his Aunt Christina's for a little while so his mom buy his dad a Christmas present. It won't be a house, but Benjamin expects it to be bigger that the small, wrapped package Tris shoves in her bag when she comes to collect him and Matty.

Christina ends up coming home with them for dinner. She's been doing that a lot lately, and Uriah too, now that he's walking again. It's nice having them around because even though Tobias is at least home on the weekends now, he still gets home late most nights, and dinner can be a little sad with his empty chair drawing all their eyes. Although tonight, despite Christina's presence, Tris seems a little sad, or at least unusually quiet.

"Are you okay?" he hears Christina ask his mom as they clean up the dinner dishes.

"Fine. Tired. Nervous about the move," she reels off.

"You're lying," Christina sighs.

"Not right now," Tris hisses, cutting her eyes to the table where Matthew might be obliviously digging into a bowl of ice cream, but Benjamin isn't quick enough to divert his eyes and gets caught staring.

Her mood persists until after Christina leaves and she gives Matthew his bath. Benjamin lays on his bed while she does, pretending to read a book, but mostly making sure she doesn't try to sneak a peek at where he's hiding his hand-made treasures in the closet. But whatever happens while she's in the bathroom must improve her mood because when she comes back out, carrying a wet-haired Matthew in her arms, she's smiling.

"Do you want to stay up late? Wait for your dad to get home?" she offers.

Benjamin nods enthusiastically.

"It shouldn't be too long, but we need to keep this guy awake," she says, jostling Matty a little.

She decides that the best way to do it is to turn the radio up loud and dance around. They dance wildly, ridiculously, and Matthew tries very hard, in his clumsy toddler way to mimic his older brother. It makes his mom laugh so hard she flops on the floor, doubling over in laughter at their antics. Benjamin loves it, he loves seeing his parents happy because they aren't always and making them laugh is always a sure fire way of casting their black moods out. So Ben keeps dancing, keeps making Tris laugh until another, deeper one joins hers.

Benjamin whips around, and when he catches sight of his father watching them from the doorway, laughing away the lines etched in his face that weren't there a few months ago, he can't help himself; he makes a beeline right for him.

"Mom let us stay up late because there's no school tomorrow, and you're late!," he exclaims, louder than he meant to. "You missed dinner again, but that's okay because Mom gave Matty a bath and then we were dancing so he didn't fall asleep, and I'm really happy you're home 'cause I made something at school, for Mom, but she can't see it 'cause it's a surprise," he says in a rush, not even breaking stride as Tobias picks him up and kisses his cheek and sets him back down again.

"Can I say 'hi' to your mom first?" Tobias asks, ruffling his hair and looking from Benjamin to Tris where she's hovering a few feet away, Matthew now resting on her hip.

"Okay," Benjamin huffs, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet.

"Missed you," he murmurs to Tris. He kisses her cheek only to have Matthew paw at his face. "Missed you too," he says, tickling him.

"Come on," Benjamin whines, tugging impatiently on his hand.

Benjamin drags him to his bedroom, making sure to order his mom that there's, "no peeking!" and slams the door shut. He hurries over to the closet and drags the cardboard box out of it like it's a treasure chest, which it is, to him.

Inside are the three giant popsicle stick snowflakes he painstakingly glued together and painted, and a wreath made of pinecones threaded onto an old wire hanger that sparkle with silver glitter.

"You made these?" his dad asks, impressed.

"I had help," he admits. "Miss Black's brother brought the pinecones and showed us how to make them into a wreath and he helped us."

"That was very nice of him. Did you say 'thank you'?"

"I did!" Benjamin says proudly because his parents always remind him to say 'please' and 'thank you', and he knows it makes them happy when he does it even if they aren't around.

"Good. So, where do you want to put these?"

"On the front door, on the new house. I think they're prettier than a bow, don't you?"

"I do, but I think if we put the snowflakes outside they'll break. Why don't we hang them in the window and hang the wreath on the door?"

"Okay. The hook it kinda ugly though," he says, frowning. "Miss Black said we could tie a ribbon around it, to hide it, but we didn't have any."

"We'll get some," Tobias assures him.

"Can I pick it out?"

"Sure," Tobias says, packing away the treasures with great care and hiding the box in the closet once again.

"Can I come in now?" Tris asks as she taps on the door. "Matty needs to go to bed."

Benjamin looks at his dad with wide eyes, shaking his head frantically.

"I'll keep her out, but you have to get in the bath."

"Thanks, Dad," Benjamin says as he pushes himself to his feet and goes to start the water in the bathroom.

Over the gushing of it he can hear his parents talking for a bit, Tris' tone easy and teasing. Once the water is warm Benjamin leans back far enough to look out the open door to confirm that his dad is busy with Matthew for the moment and not paying attention to him. He plugs the drain and squeezes a big handful of soap under the tap, way more than he knows he's allowed to, before stripping down and getting in.

"You look sad," Benjamin blurts out as Tobias sits down on the side of the bathtub several minutes later, because he does.

"And you look like you used too much bubble bath," Tobias accuses, taking in the mountains of bubbles filling the tub.

Benjamin tries not to look too guilty at getting caught. And he tries to distract his dad from the foamy peaks reaching up to tickle his chin. "You shouldn't be sad. It makes Mom sad when you're sad, so you shouldn't be sad," he says with perfect little-boy logic.

"Did Mom tell you that?"

"No," he shakes his head, splattering Tobias' shirt with water in the process. "I can just tell. Are you sad?"

Tobias sighs heavily. "No, I just wish I wasn't gone so much."

"But you're doing important stuff," Ben reminds him, thinking of that woman who came up to them when they were shopping.

"You and Matty and Mom are important too," Tobias argues.

Benjamin ducks his chin, his cheeks flushing from the kind of pleasurable embarrassment only a parent can inflict.

"What did you do today?" Tobias asks, giving Ben a break.

"Um, school, and then we went to Aunt Christina's because Mom needed to get your Christmas present." As soon as the words are out he claps his hand over his mouth, but it's too late.

"I heard that," his mom calls out from his parents bedroom on the other side of the jack-and-jill bathroom.

"What did she get me?" Tobias asks loud enough for Tris to hear.

"Don't bother, he doesn't know," she shouts back.

Benjamin waves him nearer and whispers, "I think it's something small because there wasn't a bag or anything." He's never so happy as when he's conspiring with his dad.

The rest of Benjamin's bath passes without incident and though there's the usual attempt at casually bringing up getting a dog, he goes to bed not long after. But he doesn't fall right to sleep. He can hear his parents talking for a long time, their voices turning from teasing to serious to something like angry ( _frustrated_ , he thinks it might be, but that word is still big and new and he's not quite sure if it's right) and back to teasing again.

Eventually he does find sleep though, and he has pleasant dreams, though he doesn't recall them when he wakes, just the feeling of happiness he felt in them.

* * *

Benjamin jumps between the footsteps his father is leaving in the snow as they troop across the park. One day his legs will be long enough to match Tobias' strides, but for now this is fun. Even though it's midday the air is cold and if he takes too deep a breath it seems to freeze in his lungs, but that's okay too because it's a funny feeling and he enjoys it sometimes.

He and Tobias woke up early so they could put the finishing touches on the new house which basically amounted to waiting for the last of the furniture to be delivered, and - most importantly - hanging up Benjamin's Christmas treasures. Just before they break the treeline, Tobias comes to a halt, lifting Matthew out of Tris' arms and telling her to close her eyes. She gives him a look, but does it anyway, extending her other hand to Benjamin because it's his surprise for her too.

They're the first family to move into the little cul-de-sac, and their house seems like something out of a fairytale to Ben, not because it's big - which it is -, or because of the fancifully arched windows, but because it has a  _turret_ ; and that is just really cool, like if Dauntless had a castle, this would be it.

And he gets to live here. He might not have been as enthusiastic as his dad the first time they came here, but it's changed over the last month as they've worked on it. Now, he's excited. And proud. And eager for his mother to see it too.

Once they're standing in front of it Tobias twists Tris around so she's facing the right way and then tells her to open her eyes. She squints against the cold winter sun and then chokes, looking from Tobias to the house with wide-eyed disbelief. "Are you serious?" she gasps.

"I am," Tobias says, a grin so big it looks like it hurts.

Ben's so excited he practically drags her inside, only stopping at the door because that's where his wreath of pinecones hangs and he especially wants his mom to see it. "This is what I was hiding from you," he announces. "We were going to get just a bow, but then at school yesterday we made this and it's so much better than a bow, 'cept it has a bow too," he says, fingering the ribbon his dad tied around the hook to hide it before the hung it up this morning. "Do you like it?"

"I love it, Ben," she says, swooping down to give him a kiss. "Thank you, baby."

Benjamin is so pleased he lets the nickname slide for once. "There's more stuff I made inside, and Johanna brought us a tree, a real tree, a really big one. Wanna see?" he chatters as he opens the door. He expects his parents to follow him, but when he turns around the only one there is Matthew because his parents are still standing on the stoop, hugging and even kissing a little, the way they do when one of them wants something and the other isn't sure it's a good idea.

But whatever they're saying to each other is too quiet for Benjamin to hear, and then his father kisses his mother one last time and the frown that was just hinting around her mouth disappears when he sweeps her up into his arms in one quick motion. "I can never remember which foot," he mutters, looking at the threshold perplexedly.

"Your right foot," Tris supplies.

Once he's inside he sets her down again. "Do you like it?" he asks and Benjamin can't help thinking that he and his dad sound a lot alike sometimes.

She looks around, taking in the two small couches that bookend either side of the fireplace and Christmas tree, to the opposite end opposite end of the room where there's a dining table and chairs, a door on the other side of that hinting at a kitchen before fixing Tobias with a very serious look. "It's too much," she says, and Tobias' face falls a little. "But I love it," she finishes, a smile breaking across her face.

"Do you want to see the rest of it?" he asks, that smile from before coming back.

"No, I'll just stand here forever."

"Smartass."

"Dad said a bad word!" Benjamin announces like they didn't all hear it.

"I'm an adult, I'm allowed to," Tobias dismisses.

"When I'm an adult will I be allowed to?"

"No," Tris and Tobias answer in unison.

Benjamin grabs Tris' hand again and starts leading her around the house, Tobias following after them with Matthew back in his arms. He shares a lot of looks with Tris that Benjamin doesn't understand, but he looks like he's trying to hide how pleased he too, so it's okay.

The first floor, in Benjamin's opinion, is boring - except for his popsicle snowflakes and the yet-to-be-decorated tree, that is - but Tris wants to see everything, so he patiently leads her around, and just happens to mention that now they have a backyard and dogs like backyards. When all his mom does is hum in response he decides it's time to show her the rest of the house.

The second floor is his favourite because it has his room (and Matthew's too, but he cares less about that), but also because Tobias turned the sitting room into a playroom for him and Matty. There's a couch and fireplace so it kind of looks like the living room, but instead of a coffee table there's one twice that size thats top they turned into a chalkboard with that special paint.

And over the couch is Benjamin's one great contribution to the house: a massive piece of cork-board where he and Tobias have pinned up everything from pictures of their friends and family, to finger paintings Matthew has made.

"This was your idea, Ben?" she asks wonderingly as she threads her way between the table and couch to get a good look at it.

"Uh-huh, because Dad said stuff won't stick on new the 'fridgerator, and I said we should get a cork-board like we have at school, and he thought it was a really good idea," Benjamin states proudly.

"It's a great idea, Ben. I'm so glad you had it," his mother praises.

He can't help preening a little at that, but he wants to show her his favourite thing about the room so he drags her over to the turret. "See, it has a couch in it," he says crawling on it.

"Built into it," Tobias quietly corrects him.

"Right, but if you look you can see the Pire," he says, scooting over to make room for Tris and pointing out the window to the Pire shining in the distance.

They sit and stare for a minute before Benjamin is prodding her to her feet again, this time keen to show her the bedrooms. The two rooms are laid out identically: each have a window looking out on the backyard on one wall, and on another built in shelves and a desk. The rooms are decorated differently though. Benjamin's room is painted white and his bedspread has burnt orange, turquoise, and white stripes, and Matthew's room is painted pale blue, with a patchwork quilt made up of different colors of light blue and green.

"So where's my room?" Tris teases.

"The third floor is ours," Tobias answers.

"All of it?" Tris asks, incredulous.

"Well, there's an office too," he hedges. "Ben, why don't you show Matty how to color on the new table and I'll show Mom the upstairs."

"I can do it," he exclaims, and leads his mother out before anyone can stop him.

As Tobias said, the third floor has their parents bedroom, bathroom, and Tobias' office. Benjamin doesn't think there's anything that impressive about it, aside from the fireplace directly across from their bed, and desk built into the turret on this floor. But his mother seems to think otherwise and spends a lot of time looking around and considering the big dresser that's filling the alcove between the door to downstairs and the door to the bathroom.

* * *

Somehow, Zeke and Uriah dropping off Tris and Tobias' personal belongings turned into everyone coming over to their house. Sure, it started with those two, but then Benjamin wanted to show Zoey around and Shauna wanted to see their new house, so they came over, and not long after that Christina and turned up too. Of course she's been looking for any excuse to get out of her apartment since things have been so tense with Michael lately, so that doesn't quite count.

But even so, they all turned up and now, hours later, they're having an impromptu Christmas Eve party. A giant pot of spaghetti and meatballs and an equally large bowl of salad sit in the middle of the dining room table, surrounded by their family of friends. And there's something about it, about sharing a meal with the people you love that makes this house feel like a home, Tris thinks.

Not that she doesn't appreciate all the work Tobias and Benjamin put into making the place pretty for her. She loves all the things they've done, from the cabinets under the kitchen counter they painted a deep, brickish red, to the little personal touches like the picture-frame patterned wallpaper they hung in Matthew's room, indulging his habit of drawing on the walls.

All that stuff makes Tris feel comfortable here, but it doesn't make it a _home_.

Once the table is cleared Tris sets out a box of ornaments and lets the kids have at the tree, Tobias helping Matthew pick out slices of dried oranges and cinnamon stars. Normally Tris would have volunteered to help too, but Tobias needs this, needs to spend time with his kids, especially Matty; he needs to feel like a good father.

"How is he handling all of this?" Christina asks quietly, swirling the very alcoholic contents of her glass around. She's not drunk, and nobody is really drinking to get that way; they broke out a bottle after dinner to celebrate though.

"The house, or…?"

"Everything," Christina elaborates.

"The job is still hard. This helped, the house I mean; gave him something to do that made him feel better about being away from us," Tris says. "Even if he was obsessing on it."

"He does have a tendency to do that."

"Yeah, and when has that ever done him any good?" Tris scoffs.

"I just thought… with everything going on, things might be… tense between you two," Christina says slowly, her eyes fixed on the spot where Zeke and Uriah are sitting on the couch, good naturedly heckling the kids about their ornament placement.

Tris wants to make a comment about Christina mistaking her relationship with Michael for Tris' relationship with Tobias', but that would be cruel and she's not going to do that, not with everything Christina has done for her.

"We're okay," she says instead.

"You want the rest of this?" Christina asks, offering Tris her cup.

Tris scrunches her nose up at it. "No. I'm good," she says, covering up her unwillingness to drink with her preference for the fresh-pressed apple cider Johanna sent in addition to the tree. And it is good - amazing, in fact -, but if not for what the doctor told her yesterday she would have put it aside for a celebratory drink with everyone else, if only to be polite.

~~xxxx~~

It's late, late enough that the kids - Zoey included - are lazing on the floor in front of the fireplace after expending their last burst of energy on the tree, when there's a knock on the door. Tobias gives her a reassuring look and Tris braces herself because they both know what's coming.

Tris recognizes Nigel, the Candor who interrogated her under the truth serum, when Tobias answers the door, and it sends a chill down her spine. Then again, it does every time she sees him.

"I think this is for you, Ben," Tobias says, setting a box down in front of him. It's just plain cardboard, but where Benjamin was almost asleep a moment ago, he's fully awake now.

And when he pulls the flaps of the box back and gives an excited shriek, she knows any hope of getting him to bed before he literally drops from exhaustion is a fantasy.

"I got a puppy? I got a puppy!" he exclaims, jumping up and giving Tobias a hug.

Christina cocks an eyebrow questioningly at Tris.

"Not my idea," she mutters because it wasn't. It was Tobias', and she let him talk her into it.

The two of them move from the dining room table to one of the couches, for a better look. Benjamin is practically beside himself with happiness, and she can tell it's an effort for him to sit still and let the puppy smell him the way Tobias tells him to, but he does. He's rewarded when the little thing squirms onto his lap, puts it's paws up on his chest and starts licking him.

Once it's clear that Benjamin doesn't need his help anymore, Tobias pulls himself up onto the couch with Tris, slinging an arm around her shoulders. She has a heart-stopping moment when she expects it to bite Matthew when he crawls over, curious, but all the puppy does is lick his face too and wag it's stub of a tail so energetically it's whole body moves with it.

"So, what are you going to name her?" Tris asks, plastering a smile on her face, trying to be excited because Benjamin is.

"Bandit, maybe? Because she's got a mask like a bandit." It's true, she does. Her body is a rich fawn color, but her face is black with a white stripe that runs from the tip of her nose top of her head.

"That's a boy-dog name," Zoey chastises. "What about Suki? I always liked that name," she offers, tapping her fingers on the floor to draw the puppy's attention.

"Well, I don't," Ben says. "What about… Bandy? That's still like Bandit, but it's a girly name."

The longer she watches, the more the knot in her chest loosens, before finally dissolving completely when Tobias pulls her close. "It was just a simulation," he says quietly.

"You're spoiling him," Tris murmurs back, ignoring his comment because she knows that, just like she knows it's irrational to still be wary of dogs all these years after taking the aptitude test.

"There are worse things to do," he says grimly.

The adults spend the next hour watching the kids crawl around the floor, the puppy bounding after them, yipping happily. When Benjamin plops Bandy down on her lap so Tris can 'meet' her, she surprises herself by smiling at how affectionate it is, pawing and licking at her hands, eager for attention.

Eventually, Matthew starts to get cranky and tired and Tris has to take him upstairs to put him to bed when his mood devolves into a full-blown a tantrum. She's still there, lying in bed with him when she hears the last of their guests leaving, keen to get home because of the late hour and the fresh snow starting to fall. Tobias and Benjamin make their way upstairs not long after.

"Can Bandy sleep on the bed with me?" Benjamin asks around a yawn as Tobias helps him change for bed, Tris watching from the door.

"Sure, just be careful not to roll over on her. I don't think she'll like that very much."

Benjamin giggles a little at his father's joke as he climbs into bed, quickly settling himself and extending his arms to accept Bandy when Tobias hands her to him.

"We'll be just upstairs if you need us, okay?" Tris reminds him, smoothing his hair off his forehead and planting a kiss on it. "And it's okay to be scared in a new place," she adds.

"We'll be okay," he reassures her. "It's Bandy's first night here too, and I figure she'll be scared too, and we'll keep each other safe."

"That's the idea," Tobias says before kissing him goodnight. Tris sits on the bed and cards her fingers through his hair while Tobias takes a moment check of Matthew, and by the time he comes back Benjamin is almost completely asleep, the puppy curled up in the crook of his neck.

"How long do you think we have before one of them wakes up and crawls in bed with us?" Tobias asks ruefully as he leads Tris upstairs.

"A couple of hours, maybe," Tris says, stealing nervous glances back to the floor below them. She likes the the privacy that being on a separate floor provides them, in theory, but in reality? It makes her nervous being this far away from her babies, and all she can think about is how Matthew will probably wake up in the middle of the night and panic from being in a strange place since he's still too young to really understand what's going on. But it's going to happen sooner and later, so she keeps putting one foot in front of the other despite her misgivings.

"Then I guess I better make good use of it," Tobias says, smiling roguishly and pulling her onto the bed with him so that Tris is straddling his legs. She knows he's just trying to distract her from fretting over the boys.

She kisses him slow and soft and deep before pulling away a little and resting her forehead against his. "Do you really want them to think their new home is haunted because they keep hears strange creaks and moans at night?" she asks.

"It's probably better they think that," Tobias quips.

Tris pushes against his chest in reprimand, but that just makes him flop down on his back and he pulls her with him. His hands grip her hips, holding her in place as he rolls his own against her, his lips on her neck. "Tobias," she protests, but considering it's more moan than anything else, it's basically meaningless.

But despite the hour and the long day they've had and worrying about Benjamin and Matthew, Tris decides that this isn't such a bad idea after all because she wants to be distracted, and it probably won't hurt to get Tobias in the best mood possible before she springs her Christmas present on him.

And he does a very good job of distracting her. Twice. She feels boneless and considerably less nervous as she hugs a pillow under her chest, Tobias tracing patterns on her damp skin as they lay face-to-face in their newly christened bed.

"So do you like the house?" he asks. It's not the first time he's asked it today, but hopefully it will be the last.

"I love it, Tobias," she sighs. "It's too much for us, but I love it. Do you want your present?" she asks, hesitant.

"You didn't have to get me anything," Tobias dismisses.

Tris shrugs, trying to hold on to how relaxed she felt a minute ago, but her shoulders are noticeably stiffer now than they were a moment ago. She fumbles at the drawer of her bedside table and pulls a small wrapped package out of it. Like everyone else she's been keeping secrets, and keeping the one away from Tobias - even for only 24 hours - has taken some effort and cunning.

Tobias carefully peels back the paper, pulls off the lid off the box, and then his brow furrows in confusion as he takes in the framed picture. "Is this Ben or Matty? I can never tell anything with these ultrasound photos," he asks, confused.

"It's not either of them," she says slowly, bracing for his blow-up.

She can almost see the wheels turning in Tobias' head as he works out what she means, but when he does he looks at her with utter disbelief; it's becoming a bit of theme for their family today. "We're having another baby?" he whispers.

Tris swallows thickly. It can't come as that much of a shock since they hadn't ruled out the possibility of having another after Matthew - had taken only the bare minimum precautions to avoid it -, but this isn't exactly planned either, and the last time they were faced with an unplanned pregnancy, well… that's not something she wants to go through again. Ever.

"Yes," Tris says warily. "I know with everything going on right now it's not a great time, but-"

She's cut off mid-sentence by Tobias kisses her forcefully. "You're serious? We're having another kid?" he asks, shock and disbelief and happiness coloring his tone.

Tris nods her head as much as she can with Tobias' hands framing her face. She hoped he'd be happy, hoped it enough that she framed the little ultrasound picture Dr. Gonzales gave her yesterday when she went to the doctor to confirm her suspicions and wrapped it up as a gift, but this is is a lot better than she expected. "Merry Christmas," she says between kisses.


	5. Game Change (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, there's a lot of hockey. I regret nothing.

Tris and Tobias have a quiet New Years at home; they invite Zoey to spend the night so Zeke and Shauna can go out, drink sparkling apple cider instead of champagne, and when the clock tolls midnight let the kids ring hand-bells in the backyard obnoxiously. Fifteen minutes later they're all in bed, and though Ben and Zoey are asleep as soon as their heads hit the pillows - and Matthew's been asleep for at least an hour already -, Tris and Tobias retire to their bedroom and make love softly and slowly until sleep claims them too.

The next day, to celebrate the restoration of the lake and the official start of hockey season - which was delayed thanks to security concerns due to the bombing -, this city holds their first outdoor game ever. The actual game doesn't start until mid-afternoon, though the players have to be there several hours earlier for warm-up's.

It's a rematch of last years championship game between the Warriors and the Ramblers. Technically anyone can try out for any team they want, though they still largely center around the Factions; the Warriors are almost exclusively Dauntless - though they've got two Abnegation kids who are absolute goons once they get on the ice -, and the Ramblers are a hodge-podge group of guys who are Factionless or from the Fringe.

There's already a bus waiting for them at the Pire, and between the players, their families, and all their gear they have to squish inside seats come at a premium. The lakeshore is crawling with security personnel when they arrive, doing last minute sweeps before the crowd starts arriving later. Tobias kisses Tris and kids before leaving them to make his way to the makeshift shacks set up for the players to change in.

"You looked wrecked," Tobias snickers as Zeke sits next to him, just staring at his goalie pads like he's trying to work up the will to strap them on.

"How are you so fucking chipper this morning?" Zeke groans, holding his head in his hands.

"I didn't drink last night, that's how," Tobias says, feeling a little smug.

"Seriously?" Zeke asks, incredulous, like the very idea of not getting drunk on New Years is so outlandish as to not be believed.

Tobias shrugs.

"I know we have a game today, but fuck Four, it was New Year's."

Tobias scans the room, making sure everyone's attention is diverted before he leans over like he's reaching for something in his bag. "Tris is pregnant," he says quietly.

A slow smile blooms across Zeke's face.

"Don't make a big deal out of it," Tobias cautions. "We're trying to keep it quiet for now."

"Why? You having second thoughts?" Zeke asks warily.

"No," Tobias says firmly though it's not the whole truth. This baby wasn't exactly planned, but when Tris told him, he was happy, excited, even. And he still is, but he still has mornings where he wakes up in a cold sweat after dreaming about Tris dying like she does in his fear landscape; still has moments of sheer panic that he can't love his children the way they deserve, that he'll hurt them, or Tris.

Their conversation is cut short by the coach barking at them to cut the chit-chat and get their asses out on the ice. They spend the next hour running drills on the lake. It makes Tobias feel 16 again, the good parts of it, anyway.

It was Zeke who taught him to skate, the winter of his initiation. It was Zeke who bullied him into trying out for one of the coveted positions on the two Dauntless teams too. They were the only faction playing the game, then, and they played it with nothing but their skates, their sticks, and their fists. It was bloody, and brutal, and Tobias didn't make the team that year. He kept at it though, learned how to skate better, learned how to get the puck in the goal, learned how to body check someone so they felt it for days after.

The next year he made the team. And playing pushed away the emptiness of winter, somehow. He still didn't like the season, but now he had something to look forward to other than another birthday that threatened to crush him under the weight of loneliness. He had teammates, friends, who dragged him out of his self-imposed isolation, who had his back on the ice and in real life.

As he skates across the hard, iridescent surface of the lake, that's what he's thinking about. And even though his memories are fond, his reality is better because Tris is there in the stands, smiling at him, and every time he skates by his boys they wave and cheer for him. He has friends now, and a family; two things he never thought he'd have when he was 16.

Once their warm-up is done they have an hour for a 'family skate'. Benjamin is already in his skates, bouncing up and down on the other side of the boards in excitement when Tobias comes over to toss aside his gloves and helmet. He lifts Ben over first, then helps Tris, and finally Matthew. Benjamin skates ahead, but Tobias stays next to Tris where's she bent over, her legs spread wide as she keeps hold on Matthew while his little legs work furiously to propel him across the ice.

He seems to love it, his shouts and giggles of glee resonating around the rink. Matthew has always been a very reactive baby, quick to cry out in hunger or annoyance, but he's just as vocal when he's happy, like right now. Tobias swings around so he's skating backwards in front of them, encouraging Matthew to come get him. He still falls a lot on the slick surface, but it doesn't seem to phase him any; Matty just pushes himself back up and tries again.

After a while he grabs onto Tobias' stick and lets his father tug him around lazily. "How do you feel?" Tobias asks Tris quietly as he does so.

"Good. Tired, though. I don't think I'm going to stay out here much longer," she answers.

True to her word, Tris only skates around the rink a couple more times before hopping up on the boards next to Shauna, to watch. Tobias can't help being a little relieved; Tris isn't showing yet, is still steady on her feet, but if she fell and hurt the baby he doesn't know what they'd do.

After a while Matthew catches sight of Benjamin and Zoey at the other end of the ice, shooting pucks at Zeke where he's crouched in front of the goal. Tobias has no idea whose sticks they've stolen to do it, even less if they're actually trying to get the pucks in the net or just pelt Zeke with them.

"I wanna play, I wanna play," Matthew says, and like it always is with him, it's a demand, not a question.

"Okay, but you've got to wait your turn," Tobias chides.

Zeke kicks the puck to Zoey, and she sends it flying back almost immediately.

"My turn?" Matthew asks, looking up at his father questioningly, as Zeke send the puck skittering to Benjamin this time.

"Not yet."

Tobias can tell Benjamin takes special care lining up his shot; he wants to show off with his dad watching. Zeke it's expecting him to put as much force behind his shot as he does, and before he can stop it the puck ricochets off the post and into the net behind him.

"I'm seriously doubting your goaltending capabilities considering my eight year old just beamed one right past you," Tobias smirks. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Benjamin practically glowing with pride.

"Shuddup," Zeke grouses, sending the puck towards Matthew this time.

"My turn now?" Matthew asks again.

"Yep, it's your turn," Tobias confirms, crouching down to he can help the toddler hold the stick that's bigger than he is. "Gotta hit it hard, okay?"

"'kay!" he says exuberantly.

Matthew puts all the force he can into it, and Tobias adds just a little tap to be on the safe side.

The puck slides across the ice slowly, creating a wet path in the slush between Matthew and Zeke. All anybody would have to do to stop it is reach out and grab it, but Zeke lets it thunk against his leg guard and then he flops over, comically howling and clutching at his knee like Matthew's shot really hurt him.

Matthew laughs and skates towards him. He still doesn't quite know how to stop on the ice so he runs right into Zeke. They roll around, Matthew wrestling with him just like he's seen his Daddy do when he's playing this game. When Zeke begs for help all it does is make Ben and Zoey pile on top of him too.

Tobias hears Tris laughing as she watches them and smiles over his shoulder at her. He'd never thought he'd have this, but he's so glad he does. He does the same thing hours later, when he stuffs the game winning goal into the net.

* * *

When Tobias goes back to work a week after New Years things have settled enough that he's home at a decent hour most nights in addition to having his weekends be his own again. Not long after Tris has her first, proper, prenatal appointment with Dr. Gonzales. It should be routine by now, after having two kids already, but he still finds himself brushing away tears when he hears their baby's heartbeat for the first time, and she does too.

Still, when the doctor asks her how she's feeling and Tris answers, "Tired. Nauseous. _Overwhelmed_ ," in that order, the only thing that stops Tobias marching right into Harrison's office and demanding they move the search for his replacement to the top of their 'To Do' list is Tris' sharp reprimand and repeated assurance that she is and will be okay, and that he is doing the job he needs to be doing.

"The exhaustion is always the worst the first trimester," she says patiently as they sit on the rocks at the bottom of the Chasm, after. "I'm 12 weeks now; the further along I get, the better I'll feel."

"Were you trying to hide it from me?" he accuses.

She actually laughs and shakes her head at him. "Tobias, how many times in the last month have you come home to find me already asleep?"

"I thought you were just tired from the boys," he mutters.

"I was. I _am_. But if I was trying to hide things from you I was doing a pretty crappy job at it."

"But you suspected you were pregnant and didn't tell me. You wouldn't have gone to the doctor otherwise," he persists.

"Are you really trying to pick a fight with me right now?" she asks, incredulous.

He glares at her. "No."

"Yes, you are. So you can either tell me why or stop talking, but those are your only two options."

He opts for not talking, but as he's sitting there stewing in his silence he realizes why he's acting the way he is. "You shouldn't have to do this alone. And I don't want you lying to me about it if you feel like you are."

"I'm not doing this alone."

Tobias scoffs.

"No, I'm not," she says, scooting closer to him. " _I'm not_. This isn't like when I was pregnant with Ben. It's true you're not around as much as when you were working in the Control Room, but I'm not alone."

He pulls her into his lap, swinging her legs over his. "But you are feeling overwhelmed," he argues, but gently, without the anger he had before.

"Of course I do," she laughs. "We have two kids and demanding jobs, and I'm pregnant; what else should I be feeling?"

"What can I do to make it easier?"

"Right now? 'Cause right now I kind of want to leave. Watching the water churn around is making me feel sick."

He helps her to her feet, lets her lead him to the top of the Chasm. They end up going to his office in the Pire so she can nibble on crackers and sip ginger ale and talk without interruption about ways to make things easier for her.

When Tris decides what she really needs is another ambassador - "not a replacement and not an assistant," she says emphatically, "just someone who works under me and can visit the factions in person when I can't" - Tobias has Harrison and Hana in his office within minutes working out the details.

"Who do you want?" Harrison asks, once they've decided they have the money in the budget for it.

"I can choose?"

"Tris, it's not like people are lining up for your job," he chuckles.

"I want Christina, then," she says, decided.

Tobias gives her a look.

"What?" she asks defensively. "I trust her and she can read people, and that's most of the job."

"Yeah, but can she keep her Candor smart-mouth to herself?"

Tris rolls her eyes, dusting cracker crumbs off her lap. "It's been 10 years, Tobias. She's not the same person she was when she was an initiate. None of us are, even you," she says pointedly.

* * *

Tris, like Tobias, starts her morning early. They've developed a bad habit of keeping their tablets on their nightstands and reaching for them immediately upon waking. They spend the twenty or thirty minutes before they have to get the kids up reading through messages that have hit their inboxes overnight, security briefings provided by both the Bureau and Dauntless, and occasionally sharing information the other hasn't gotten or asking the other to look into something more deeply for them.

After they get the boys up, dressed, and fed, they each go their separate ways. They can't move freely about the city anymore if they're on official business, so after Tobias walks Ben to school and Tris drops Matthew off at daycare there are black cars with armed drivers waiting for them. Tobias goes to the Hub and depending on whether Tris is meeting another faction's ambassador or receiving a visit from one she either stays at the Pire or is driven to wherever she needs to be.

Today she's going to Abnegation, and it's the first time Christina is accompanying her on one of these visits. She's waiting for Tris at the front of the Pire after Matthew has been dropped off. And, typically, she's perfectly turned out; not a hair out of place, and her makeup looking flawless. Not that it can hide red-rimmed eyes or the bags under them.

"Long night?" Tris asks as they climb in the car.

"Later, okay?" Christina replies, nodding to the driver in the front seat.

They fill the rest of the twenty minute car ride talking about work. Christina gets the same email alerts Tris does, now, but she's not quite as adept at reading between the lines of text as she is reading people.

"Does it ever bother you coming back here?" Christina asks as they pull up to the Abnegation Meeting Hall.

"It doesn't feel like home anymore," Tris says by way of answer.

Abigail, the Abnegation ambassador, is waiting for them when they arrive. She offers both Christina and Tris coffee which Tris can't help scrunching her nose up in disgust at; just the offer makes her stomach roil unpleasantly, though thankfully the few sips of water she took on the drive over don't threaten to make a reappearance.

Christina sits in the back, observing, as Tris and Abigail discuss the programs the city is implementing or discontinuing - how that will affect relations between Dauntless and Abnegation -, ideas about how to get the factions to interact more, and most importantly any questions or concerns Abnegation has about Dauntless and the Bureaus law enforcement measures.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about, Tris. Unofficially," Abigail says once Tris is getting ready to leave.

"Okay," Tris says slowly, setting her bag back down again.

"I had a meeting with the Factionless ambassador last Friday. He expressed… concerns," she emphasises, leaning heavily on the word, though the look on her face is apologetic. "About Tobias' position on the Council."

"And what exactly were his concerns?" Tris asks sharply.

Abigail holds her hands up in mock-surrender. "They are his concerns, Beatrice, not mine. I think he felt that it would not be in his best interest not to express them to you, all things considered."

Tris takes a moment to reign in her temper because whether Tobias knows it or not, right now, he needs her to do her job; that's the best way to protect and help him. Once she's calm she repeats her question.

"Apparently there is a growing sentiment among the Factionless that immigrants from the Fringe are… a risk."

"This isn't the first time we've heard this, Abigail," Tris points out.

"No, It's not."

"It's not even the first time we've heard this since the bombing."

"I know."

"I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with Tobias being on the Council?" Christina interjects, interrupting their little dance. "He's been on it for months already, and he was on it for years before, so I don't really see-" she cuts off abruptly at the censorious look Tris gives her.

Abigails lips pinch into non-existence. It's one of the few tells that ever cracks the placid Abnegation mask of any of their members. "It's different this time because Evelyn is the one stirring up the dissent," Abigail says, her tone strained as it always is whenever the former Mrs. Eaton comes up in conversation in these rooms.

"I know I don't need to reassure you that whatever rumors Evelyn is spreading around does not have the support of Dauntless, either privately or publicly," Tris says evenly, rising to her feet and signally the end of their meeting. Christina makes to shake Abigail's hand, but Tris quickly diverts her by shoving her briefcase into Chris' hand like she expects her friend to carry it.

"How badly did a screw up in there?" Christina asks nervously as they walk out the front door and make their way towards the waiting car.

Tris has an answer perched on her tongue, but it never makes it past her lips, distracted as she is by someone yelling her name - her Abnegation name -, and jogging down the street towards them. It takes her a minute to recognize Susan's brother, Robert, but when she does a wide smile breaks across her face.

"Bet you thought you'd never see me again, huh?" he asks jovially, pulling her in for a hug. He smiles and extends his hand to Christina, introducing himself, when he releases Tris.

"It's been what? Ten years since I last saw you?" he asks, tactfully avoiding mentioning the war, which was the last time she saw him.

"Almost."

"I met you son, Benjamin. He's a great kid."

"Thank you," Tris says, smiling proudly despite herself. "So are you back for good, or…?"

"No, I'm back for good. Or at least for a good long while. I'm building a house out in the western part of the city where the prairie's reclaimed the land. I'm just staying with Susan until my place is fit for habitation."

"Is that safe? I just mean after the bombing are you sure it's wise to be that far away from help," Tris frowns.

"You sound like my sister," he chuckles. "We'll be fine. There's a group of us all building homes out there, sort of a mini-Amity all to ourselves. You should come out and visit this summer when my wife and daughter join us."

"You're married?"

"I am," he says, smiling softly and for all the world looking like a man in love. "I met Ashley about a year after I left, and well, she was it for me. We got married six months later and I never looked back. Our daughter is the same age as your son, actually."

"Congratulations. Obviously, a few years after the fact, but still. I'm really happy for you, Robert," Tris says genuinely.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say 'hi'. Susan told me your Dauntless' ambassador now, so I'm sure you've got stuff to do. I'm going to hold you to that visit, though."

"Okay. It was nice seeing you again, Robert. Really."

"You too," he says, pulling her in for one last hug before shooting Christina a smile and going on his way.

"You've just got friends everywhere, don't you?" she mutters a little sarcastically as they climb in the car.

"We grew up together," Tris shrugs. "And his sister is Ben's teacher this year," she adds before informing the driver they need to go to the Factionless part of town.

"So, really Tris, how bad did a screw up in there?" Christina asks again, sounding nervous.

"You could have done better," Tris smirks.

"Oddly enough, I got that impression."

"You want people to talk to you Christina," Tris lectures, trying not to sound like she's doing just that. "And to talk to you they have to be comfortable with you, they have to trust you. If we had been at Candor they would have respected that you wanted to get right to the point like that. But we weren't at Candor, we were at Abnegation, and they're only going to dole out as much information as they think you need."

"She answered the question though," Christina says a little defensively.

"Getting her to answer one question isn't the problem, it's getting her to answer all your questions in the future that is," Tris says. "If she doesn't feel like she can trust you, how likely do you think that is?"

"I suck at this," Christina groans, thunking her head against the thick glass window next to her.

"No one is good at something right off the mark," Tris says kindly, encouragingly. "You can read people's reactions; that's incredibly helpful, you just need to have a little more finesse. And a little more understanding of the conflicts and concords between the factions wouldn't hurt either."

"Why wouldn't you let me shake her hand?" Christina asks, puzzled.

"The Abnegation don't shake hands."

"They do when they come to the Pire," Christina argues.

"Because _we_ do. When you visit someone it's important to respect their customs, so they shake hands when the come to Dauntless and we don't when we go to Abnegation. It's just one of those little things you have to pay attention to," Tris explains.

A few minutes later they arrive in the Factionless part of town. Tris has always liked it here. It's not perfect or pristine, trying too hard to be only one thing. It's the kind of place where someone will paint the side of a building with a giant mural just because they needed a bigger canvas; a place where, in the summer, tomato plants grow in people's front yards, and in the winter snowmen stand sentinel.

Tris strides into the leaders headquarters confidently, and though the receptionist eyes her warily and the ambassador, Stephen, only slightly less so, Tris happily accepts his offer of refreshments and introduces Christina to him, framing their visit like it was just a good idea to drop by. They get through two cups of tea just talking about random things, like old friends do.

It's not until Stephen is filling their cups for a third time that Tris broaches the real reason they're there, and when she does her manner is soft and serious and a little sad, or maybe just disappointed that Stephen didn't think he could come to Tris with his concerns.

"Don't blame Abigail," Tris says, just a hint of pleading edging into her voice. "I'm sure she told you that you have nothing to worry about with Tobias on the Council, but she knows you need to hear that from me."

"It would be better hearing it from your husband," Stephen grouses.

"There's nothing to hear," Tris says. And there really wouldn't be because this isn't a conversation Tobias has with strangers. "Tobias has been estranged from his mother for years, and the other factions have no love for her either, not after she double-crossed them after the attack on Erudite."

"He's her son," Stephen argues.

"Biologically. Not in the ways that matter," Tris says, her tone reprimanding. "She has nothing to do with him, or our family. I think Benjamin was still a toddler the last time Tobias even spoke to her, and she's always hated me," Tris finishes, a wry smile twisting up her lips.

"She's trying to create a division between the Factionless and the Fringe, Tris," he says heatedly. "How long do you think it will be before she's trying to convince the Factions that they should limit immigrants from the Fringe, too? That we should have Dauntless and the Bureau camped out on our front yards, 'just in case'?"

"It's amazing how quickly the oppressed co-opt the language of their oppressors when they have something to gain," Christina comments pointedly as she spoons more sugar into her tea.

"It is," Stephen says, giving her a small, approving smile, one that Tris mirrors.

"The other factions will see her fear mongering for what it is: someone who wants power and is willing to exploit a tragedy to get it back," Tris assures him. "Trust me, the day there were enough Fringe immigrants to vote Evelyn's regime out of office was the day the Factions breathed a sigh of relief. Just because she was barred from the Council as punishment for her duplicitousness didn't mean she wasn't pulling the strings behind the scenes, and we all knew it."

"So Dauntless will not support any measure to limit new immigrants?" he presses.

"I can't promise you that, Stephen," Tris says apologetically. "Dauntless makes those decisions based on assessments of the Security Forces. I will speak to the other factions, make sure that they know that _you_ have Dauntless' support, not Evelyn. It will help, I promise."

~~xxxx~~

"How much of that are you going to tell Four?" Christina asks once they're back at the Pire, eating lunch.

"Mmm, enough. Not all of it; Evelyn is always a touchy subject."

"Isn't that," Christina starts and stops, her expression apologetic. "I'm sorry, but isn't that what always caused fights between you two; never being totally honest with each other?"

"It used to," Tris concedes.

"So what changed?"

"We did," Tris says simply. "We both still want to protect each other, but we actually talk about it now. I'm going to tell him about what happened today, but he doesn't need the details - the things that would hurt him most -, just the big picture.

"I guess," Christina sighs. "I guess I'm amazed you two can still make it work, after everything. Michael and I are just…"

"Do you want to talk about it?" Tris offers. Christina was always there to listen to her relationship woes, after all.

"Not really," Christina says, clearly exhausted. "But it's all I can think about, lately. You know how jealous he's been that I've been spending so much time with Uriah since he got out of the hospital."

"Does he have a reason to be?" Tris asks archly. She's seen her and Uriah together lately and it's certainly made her wonder.

"Not at first," Christina protests. "Uri's my friend. I mean, there's only the three of us left, and we're close. And he needed help, when he came home, and with Zeke working so much and his mom being on the Council now, there wasn't really anyone there for him."

"But…?" Tris prompts.

"But… I don't know," Christina shrugs. "We had our thing at the Bureau and after, and I thought we both got it out of our systems, and maybe we did, maybe Michael being jealous and acting like an asshole is just pushing me towards someone who isn't. But when Uriah kissed me the other night, I wasn't thinking about Michael, I was thinking about how good it felt."

"He kissed you?" Tris says, clearly surprised, but secretly pleased, too.

"Yes, he did. And I've been living with that kiss for the last two days, and I'm pretty sure it's driving me insane," Christina snaps, exasperated. "This shouldn't be this complicated," she groans. "And I look at you and Four and I think, maybe Michael and I are just going through a rough patch like you guys did, but that doesn't really help either."

"Chris, there's a difference between 'going through a rough patch', and enjoying another guy kissing you," Tris smirks.

"I know," she sighs. "But Michael and I have been together almost as long as you and Tobias and am I really going to throw all that away because of one kiss?"

"Was it really just one kiss though?"

"Yes, it was," Christina says, glaring at her friend angrily.

"That's not what I meant. What I meant was," she hesitates looking for the right words. "When I was pregnant with Ben and Tobias was-"

"-being an asshole."

" _Freaking out_ ," Tris says pointedly, "I loved him. I never stopped loving him even if I didn't like him very much at the time. And no matter what Tobias thinks, I wouldn't have fallen in love with someone else. He was still the only person I wanted kissing me, in fact Jason has a crooked nose to this day because of that. So, really, is this just about the one kiss?"

* * *

Tobias has his aides clear his schedule the last Friday in January. It's the day of Benjamin's first hockey game of the year, and he'll be damned if he's going to miss it. He still has to work through the morning, and take a lunch meeting, but mid-afternoon he's tugging his tie off, pulling his Junior Monsters team hoodie on, and slipping out the door.

He doesn't have to be here as early as he is, but he wants to watch Ben's warm-up as an apology for missing so many of his practices over the last few months. When he arrives it's just the parents lounging in the stands. He finds Tris quickly since she's sitting right behind the bench with Shauna, Matthew on her lap.

"Hey," she greets, smiling warmly. "We didn't expect you do soon."

"I know. I wanted to surprise him," he says, kissing her. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. Matty and I took a nap, didn't we?" she says, bouncing the toddler a little.

He's having one of his 'Mommy days' where he only wants Tris, and while he doesn't fuss when Tobias pecks a kiss to his forehead, he doesn't try to clamber into his lap either.

Benjamin grins like a fool when he catches sight of his dad. Tobias does the same.

Their warm-up isn't anything Tobias hasn't seen before; they rotate between stations, playing Sharks-and-Minnows, slaloming between cones, taking shots on the net. Unlike the adult league, the children's one is divided up by size and skill level and nothing else. Forty-five minutes later, the kids troop back to their locker room and put aside their skates.

Benjamin comes barreling out and jumps into his dad's arms. As they all walk to the cafeteria so the kids can have something to eat before the game starts he peppers Tobias with questions, wanting to know if his father saw him do this or that, clearly proud of himself. It's not until they're sitting at long benches, tucking into their meal that he starts getting nervous about the game.

"You'll do fine, Ben," Tobias reassures him, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "Just remember to stay with the play, and if somebody starts chirping you, the best way to shut them up is to score goals."

The rest of the meal passes quickly, though Tobias can't help noticing that Tris is actually eating. She hasn't been sick like she was with Matthew, but she hasn't had much of an appetite either, and it was making Tobias nervous. This afternoon she's eating her white bean stew with vigor, and when she finishes that she slathers a thick layer of creamy cheese on top of several slices of bread and devours those too.

"I said I was feeling better," she shrugs when Tobias cocks his eyebrow in question.

Before they know it, Ben's coach is ordering all the kids back to the locker room to suit up, and they're making their way back to the stands. Zeke, Uriah, and Christina squeeze into the seats they saved them just before the puck drops.

Benjamin isn't on the first line, but it's not long into the period before he's out on the ice, taking the face-off for the Junior Monsters against the Little Devils. He's got Carter and Conner behind him, one playing left-wing and the other right. As always there's a scrum for the puck, but Benjamin is able to shoot it back behind him.

It's Zoey who scores the first goal though, intercepting the puck as she did in her spot as defensemen and racing up the ice to sling past the opposing goalie. "That's my girl!" Zeke shouts, cheering madly for her.

They make it through the rest of the first period without any major calls from the ref's, but all that changes minutes into the second period. Benjamin and his line are out on the ice again, and again he wins the faceoff, but when he takes off after the play the opposing Center uses his stick to trip him.

Ben hits the ice flat-out, getting the wind knocked out of him. Even though the ref stops the play, he doesn't have time to call the penalty before Ben is up on his feet, skating after the offending player. Benjamin body checks him into the boards, hard, and even though that really isn't a problem, his elbow comes up, purposefully catching the kid in the face and that is. In the end, they both end up in the penalty box for 2 minutes, and both teams are left down a player.

They close out the period, and Benjamin looks contrite as the kids go back to their locker room for the twenty minute intermission. It kills Tobias that the most he can do is give him a sympathetic smile. When they come back out and the third period starts, Tobias hangs over the glass and whispers harshly, drawing Ben's attention. "Hey, remember what I told you, okay?" he says.

Benjamin nods determinedly, and goes back to watching the play. When the coach puts him on the ice again, Tobias can see him talking quickly and quietly to Conner and Carter as they approach the face-off circle. Benjamin has to really fight for the puck this time, but he gets it. Conner and Carter travel it up the ice, keeping possession of it until Ben swoops in between them and takes it. His first shot hits the post, but he's able to catch it on the rebound and stuff it in.

Tris jumps up so quickly she almost drops Matthew, and Tobias screams so loud his throat is scratchy the next day.

* * *

"I can't believe it's been a month since we were last here," Tobias says, plopping down in the chair in the exam room as Tris seats herself on the table.

"Nervous?" Tris asks.

"A little. You?"

"Always."

"Why? You said you were feeling better," Tobias asks, confused.

"I know. I'm just always nervous; scared they're going to find something wrong even if I do feel fine."

"It's my job to worry," Tobias says, extending his hand towards her.

She doesn't let go even when the doctor enters the room. They do the usual 20 Questions before Dr. Gonzales asks if they'd like to find out the sex of the baby.

"Yes," they answer in sync, and then both smile.

"Okay, you know the drill," the doctor says as she wheels over the ultrasound machine. Tobias helps Tris lay down and rearrange the paper shirt and skirt she's been put in for the exam.

When the doctor starts running the plastic wand of the machine over the small bumping growing between her hips Tobias forgets to breathe. He thinks Tris does too.

Slowly, the baby inside her takes shape on the screen. "Well, this is a surprise," Dr. Gonzales says. "You're having a girl this time."

"Really?" Tris chokes, a sob already working it's way up her throat.

"Really," the doctor says, smiling. "Congratulations."

She should probably wait for the doctor to wipe the jelly off her, but she doesn't care, she pulls Tobias down to her, crushing him against her so she can kiss him.

"I can't believe it," he babbles between kisses. "We're having a girl."

"You finally got your girl," Tris says, smiling so wide she can barely get the words out.


	6. On The Road (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter exists thanks to an anonymous prompt on my Tumblr. Whoever submitted it, thank you for that :) Hopefully I did it justice expanding it into a full chapter, and not just the drabble for Pictures On The Wall.

Tobias hates going to the Bureau. As if the cheap, yellowing plaster they covered the wall in that he unwittingly helped blow up aren't enough of a reminder of one of his worst fuck up's, he can still see the accusation in the eyes of every person he encounters there.  _Damaged_ , they call him.

Except David, because he doesn't remember. He  _knows_ , but he doesn't  _remember_. Instead the man responsible for killing Caleb warmly asks him how Tris is doing with the pregnancy as he and Tobias and Johanna sit down in a conference room.

Tobias says, "fine," in a tone that tells him to fuck off.

David drops the subject.

Tobias has a hard time looking at the man across from him with anything other than contempt. Not because of Caleb - because if Tobias is honest the best thing Caleb ever did for Tris was die at the right time -, but because he can't help remembering that this man's solution to their problems was resetting everyone's memory to zero. He wonders how many times, to how many people David did that to.

But then Tobias remembers that he put a bullet in Eric's brain; he remembers the mask of malice dropping just long enough to see the fear behind it, the realization that all the things that made Eric, Eric were going to be blink out of existence in a few short seconds.

Tobias can still feel the recoil of the shot resonating in his hand, even if Eric was far from innocent - unlike the people David  _erased_.

Either way, they get through the meeting. Tobias and Johanna don't talk about it on the drive back to the city, despite Amar being the one driving them; Tobias isn't sure how much he can trust his friend in when it comes to the Bureau. And maybe Johanna has a shred of that distrust too, tucked away somewhere behind her kind smile, because when they pull up to Amity to drop her off, she asks Tobias to follow inside so they can 'chat'.

"Take your time," Amar says, waving them off. There's a whole squad of Security Forces there today, ostensibly to guard the grade-school kids on a field trip out to the farm to watch cows give birth, though they're mostly just reclining against the buses and looking bored, now.

"Benjamin was really excited to come out here today," Tobias says as they circle around the Amity dining hall, aiming for the fields beyond.

"That's sweet."

"I told him he wouldn't be once he saw it."

"Two kids and another on the way and you don't think birth is a beautiful thing?" Johanna asks, a little surprised.

"I think it's a painful, messy, dangerous thing."

She looks at him searchingly for a moment before she says, "You know it wasn't real, your mother dying."

"I was nine. It was real to me," Tobias says harshly.

"And what about now? Is it still real to you now?"

"When I'm in my fear landscape it is," he mutters.

"You really need to stop doing that," Johanna chastises, and it feels, well,  _motherly_.

"I don't. Or at least I haven't in a while," he qualifies. "But that doesn't change that it's there."

"And nothing ever will change  _that_. We all have fears, Tobias," she says gently.

He knows; he's seen most people's, after all.

They walk through the orchard slowly. The branches are still bare, but the tiny swollen buds that dot them promise rebirth.

"I don't think you realize how brave you are," she says, the leaves squishing wetly beneath her feet and her arms wrapped firmly around herself. It might be Spring, now, but it's still a chilly 50 degrees out.

"Why? Because I only have four fears?" Tobias scoffs.

"No, because it would have been easy," she says slowly, weighing her words, "to cut yourself off. It's easy it want to be vulnerable, and never let yourself be… because you're scared."

Johanna's looking down, refusing to meet his eye, and she looks very young and very old at the same time and he can't help thinking she's talking about herself more than anything else.

She takes a deep breath surfacing from whatever memory she was trapped in, and giving him a wane smile. "It takes a lot of bravery to love someone, to be vulnerable like that."

"I'm still afraid," Tobias quietly admits.

"But you don't let that stop you from loving Tris and your children. I'm proud of you, for that."

Tobias feels hot and itchy and uncomfortable all over. He doesn't know how to deal with praise; he never feels like he deserves it.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Johanna prompts, kindly changing the subject.

"Sophie," Tobias says, smiling softly. It had taken them over a month to decide on a name. But a few weeks ago, just days after Tris' five months prenatal doctors appointment, he had come home from work and walked into the playroom where she was coloring on the chalkboard table with Matthew and Tris had smiled up at him and said 'Sophie'. And he knew, just like she did that, that was their daughter's name.

Something had unraveled in him, with Tris smiling at him, looking so happy, so beautiful. Tobias hadn't even bothered changing out of his suit, just tossed his jacket aside and squeezed into the corner of the couch next to Tris.

She didn't stop playing with Matthew, but when Tobias' hand had slid across her swollen belly where her clothes were taut against her skin, her free hand had covered his.  _Sophie_ , was all he could think.  _Sophie, Sophie, Sophie_. The last piece of their family that had been missing for so long.  _Sophie. Their girl._  It wasn't like she never existed until now, it was like she was finally coming home.

When Tris sent Matthew to the bathroom to wash up his chalky hands before dinner, Tobias had cupped her jaw and tilted her lips to his and kissed slowly and deeply and for a long time. Tris had sniffled and rested her forehead against his as tears glittered on her lashes. "I love you." The words sounded the same as they did after she said 'I do'.

"I love you too. Both of you," Tobias said solemnly, like a promise. "All of you."

He hadn't really been able to stop touching her since. Even nights when he got home so late that Tris and the boys were asleep - nights he'd normally feel like an intruder on their lives -, he still curled around Tris like a question mark, his hand constantly seeking out where their daughter was growing, safe and loved. It didn't hurt either that, like her brothers, Sophie was an active little thing, always gambolling insider her mother.

And still there are fears. New fears, fresh fears, because he's spent his entire life trying to protect the women he loves and not always being able to, and now there's going to be another one. He thinks of his mother and Marcus; of Tris, and Peter and the other boys attacking her; he thinks of Johanna and the scar that will forever mar her face. He doesn't know how long he can keep Sophie safe; if he's learned anything it's that women are never safe from men.

"So, the Bureau," Johanna says, pulling him out of his reverie.

"The Bureau," he parrots back grimly. "It was a fools errand to begin with."

"I suppose so," Johanna concedes. "But that's our job. We represent the People, and the People are starting to talk about autonomy from the Bureau more and more since the bombing."

"And the Bureau is paranoid they're going to have another revolt on their hands."

"It's not the most unreasonable thing to ask though," Johanna counters. "If they put the city in danger - and they do -, then we have every right to ask for our freedom."

"It'll never happen," Tobias says flatly, his hand making a movement like he's brushing away the thought.

"It could."

"Not now, not soon," Tobias argues, leaning heavily against the rough wood fence that separates the orchard from the fields beyond. "There's hundreds of things we get from the Bureau that we aren't equipped to provide for ourselves. Important things. Life-saving things."

"We could though, in the future," Johanna says, being persistently optimistic. "If we start planning, and building, and training people now, ten or twenty years from now we could be completely independent."

"And where would we get the skill, or the tools, or the material for those things? The Bureau," he says, answering his own question. "I don't think they're going to be enthusiastic about funding our secession, do you?"

"No," Johanna concedes.

* * *

The calving barns in Amity are big, dim buildings that smell like straw and animal and afterbirth. They would be quiet except for the two cows groaning and lowing and straining as they give they birth.

And as much as Benjamin doesn't want to think about it, all he can think about is his mother. She made sounds like that when she was giving birth to Matthew. Benjamin could hear them, even out in the hallway where he was sitting, waiting, with his Uncle Zeke. He knows it hurts - both his mother, and the cow straining on the floor of the birthing stall -, but he's slightly horrified when the baby calf slips out from between it's mother's hind legs. He really hopes that's not the way his mom has babies.

He watches the heifer tend to her newborn with rapt attention though. Benjamin wants to reach out and touch it's soft, downy fur as it's mother licks it clean, just to see if it's as soft as it looks. It's nose is so little it looks like it could fit inside a teacup and by the time it clumsily wobbles onto it's delicate hooves, Benjamin is in complete awe. He  _wishes_  his brother learned to walk within an hour or two of being born; Matthew would have been so much funner if he had.

Once the calf is busy sucking it's first meal from it's mother, and it's mother is happily munching on some richly green alfalfa hay, the kids get to go have their own lunch, and lunch is one of the best things about Amity, Benjamin thinks. He greedily grabs at the basket of fried chicken nearest him when he and his classmates sit down at the long wooden tables in the dining hall. They're his favourite and as the crispy skin and tender, juicy meat flood his mouth with their wonderful flavors he can't help groaning a little in delight.

Predictably, the kids talk about what they've just seen as they eat, at least until they're ushered outside by their teachers, who seem intent on having them run off their excess energy before they load them back into the buses and take them back to town. They're only allowed to play on the lawn between the dining hall and the orchard, and the orchard itself.

Benjamin and his friends and a few other kids decide to play a game of Hide-and-Seek in the orchard, and after he shouts a quick, "not it!" he makes a beeline through the trees, running as fast as he can away from the boy who got tagged 'It' and has to count to a hundred. The other kids peel off the pack, disappearing into separate rows, their poorly suppressed giggles the only thing giving their positions away.

"Think we're far enough?" Carter asks once they're so deep in the orchard they can't see or hear anything else.

"We might get in trouble if we go any further," Conner says worriedly.

None of them are too keen on that, so they spread out along the same line, though they're separated by twenty feet and a couple of trees, each.

After several tense minutes in which absolutely nothing happens Benjamin starts hearing footsteps and then snatches of conversation. It's not other kids - the voices are definitely grown up -, but they're familiar too.

Benjamin starts picking his way through the trees as quietly as he can. When Carter and Conner whisper harshly at him, calling him back, he shushes them with an irritated wave of his hand. He nearly jolts out of his skin though when his father and Johanna almost walk right into him as they traverse the orchard themselves.

"What are you doing here, Dad?" Benjamin bursts out, stepping out from behind the tree he had been hiding behind.

Johanna startles, her eyes wide and her hand clutching at her chest instinctively. "Benjamin, you scared me," she says, a little breathless.

"Sorry," he says, sheepish, adding, "Hi, Dad," with a contrite little wave.

"Hey, Ben," he says easily, unphased. "I thought you guys would be gone by now."

"We're leaving soon, I think. What are you doing here?" he asks again, walking over to where his father and Johanna have stopped.

"I had a meeting at the Bureau and Johanna wanted to talk before I go back to the city," he explains.

"Did you have enjoy your field trip?" Johanna asks.

"Yeah, it was fun," Benjamin assures her.  _Any_  field trip is funner than sitting in class all day.

"Are you going home now too?" he asks, peering up at his father.

"Not quite yet," Tobias answers, reaching out to ruffle Ben's hair. "Johanna and I were going to have something to eat and then I will."

"Oh," Benjamin says a little sadly. It would be nice driving back to town with his dad there, even if they aren't in the same car. "Can I go back with you?" Benjamin asks suddenly.

"I'm not sure they'll let us do that, Ben," his father hedges. "The school might want to keep everyone together."

"Can we ask?" he persists, wanting to soak up every spare moment he can with his dad.

"It can't hurt," Tobias shrugs.

So they do. Ms. Black looks uncertain, and it's not until Amar and the Security Officer in charge of the field trip give their okay that everything is settled. Benjamin waves goodbye to his friends as they troop onto the buses that brought them here, and then follows Johanna, Amar, and his father back into the dining hall.

There aren't many people eating now, just a few other Amity lazily picking at the remains of their lunch. Benjamin can hear the kitchen staff cleaning up and getting ready to start preparing dinner while the adults talk about whatever boring stuff adults talk about.

Johanna serves him a slice of pumpkin pie and a mug of apple cider, and even though he was full after lunch he still cleans his plate. Before they leave she insists they take two jugs of apple cider with them, since his mom is  _craving_  it. Tris has spent her entire pregnancy craving apples. Or cheese. And especially apple pie with a sliver of cheese melted on top that makes Benjamin scrunch his nose up in disgust. Every time he does it his father pinches it between his thumb and forefinger and teases that he looks just like Tris.

It's mid-afternoon by the time that they leave, and now the yard in front of the dining hall is full of trucks carrying food to the city, not buses and children. Amar makes a point of ushering Tobias and Benjamin to the cars hastily, not wanting to get stuck behind the trucks because, "they drive damn slow." So when everyone pulls out, it's their black SUV that's at the head of the convoy, but Amar seems to be driving  _damn slow_  too, trying to avoid the worst of the road that's badly in need of repaving, so the trucks stay close behind them.

They're mid-way between Amity and the fence when it happens, and it all happens so quickly Benjamin isn't quite sure what's going on. The first bullet impacting the thick metal sides of the car sounds like a pebble; a sharp  _pting!_  that's a little louder than some of the others, but not so loud as to cause alarm. He's not even sure his dad and Amar hear it from where they're talking in the seats at the front of the car.

But there's only time enough for those thoughts to pass briefly through Benjamin's head before the next shot hits, and this one takes out a tire. The adults shout and Ben's so scared he can't even scream as the car veers wildly across the heavily pitted road.

Amar struggles to maintain control now that the tire's been blown out, and his first instinct isn't to go faster, it's to slam to a stop. That's when the assault really starts. It sounds like they're plunged into a violent hail storm, like chunks of ice as big as golfballs are being hurled angrily at the driver's side of their SUV. Ben stares, bewildered and terrified, as the glass of his window spiderwebs with each shot that hits it.

"They're shooting at us," he exclaims like Tobias and Amar don't already know that.

"Get down!" his father shouts, twisting awkwardly from his seat to release Ben from the confines of his seatbelt and force him down onto the floor.

Once he's down the car lurches forward and Ben smacks his head into the metal support of the seat in front of him. It makes him cry out in shock and pain, but the noise is lost amid all the others; the gunfire, of course, whatever Amar is shouting into his radio, and his father yelling at Amar to stop the car and gesturing wildly to the convoy of Amity trucks that are behind them, carrying food to the city.

He's only vaguely aware of the argument his dad and Amar are having in the seats above him, but he catches the general gist of it, which is that the Amity trucks aren't armor plated like their's is, that they can't leave the people driving them out here on their own until help arrives, which won't be too long but will still be long enough for the others to end up dead.

"Stay down," Tobias says in a commanding tone as he clambers over the seats to the trunk space of the SUV. Benjamin hears him flipping open the hard plastic gun cases kept there, peeks up and sees him passing one of the deadly looking firearms to Amar who's now crouched on the front passenger seat, ready to hop out.

"Are you okay, Ben?" Tobias asks, perched next to the back passenger door ready to do the same.

"Y-yes," he chokes out.

"Just stay there; don't sit up until I tell you to, even if the gunfire stops," he orders. "And _do not_  get out of this car no matter what unless I tell you to. Do you understand me?"

"Okay," Benjamin says though the words hurts his throat as it scrapes it's way up and out.

Briefly, his father's hand touches his head, down his neck, to his shoulders. It's big and warm and safe and strong. In that instant Benjamin feels calm, protected.

And then it's gone.

And then his father's gone.

The slamming of the car door blows a gust of wind and grit into his face, but all Ben can think is c _ome back._  It's a pathetic, desperate cry that echoes through even the smallest spaces inside him; resonates through his bones and nerves and skin and makes him want to scramble out of the car and cling to his father, in the safety of his arms.

But he doesn't, because he as good as promised his father he'd stay put. So he does, crying into the scratchy carpet and wanting to cover his ears so he can't hear the chaos outside, but needing to hear it all the same. There's shouting, muffled through the glass, then more gunfire; it's close and can only be coming Tobias and Amar.

The seconds feels like hours, but the bullets being fired at them slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, and then more noticeably, both in volume and frequency. It's what feels like days later that Benjamin hears engines roaring towards them; security forces converging on the scene where they're pinned down. Some screech to a halt nearby, but still others only slow and then speed off again chasing whoever had been shooting at them.

When the door whips open Benjamin senses more than sees his dad, his vision is so blurry. "Come on, Ben," he says gently, helping him squirm out of the vehicle. He tries to stand up, but his legs give out and it's only his father catching him that keeps him from hitting the ground.

Tobias scoops him up with one arm, and Ben's arms and legs lock around him as he carries him to another black SUV. His vision clears enough that he sees the pock-marked remains of the one they had been riding in. And the jewel-bright blood stains littering the ground around the Amity trucks. He vomits pumpkin pie and fried chicken down his father's back at the sight.

Tobias sits Ben down in an open car door and tosses away his jacket. Someone else hands Benjamin a bottle of water so he can swish and spit the rest of the sick out of his mouth. Once he does the car doors slam shut and then they're being driven back to town as quickly as possible.

"You're hurt," Ben says numbly, glimpsing the ragged tear in his father's shirtsleeve and the wet stain around it, just below his shoulder.

"I'm fine," Tobias dismisses, pulling him onto his lap. "Where are you hurt?"

"I hit my head."

Tobias tilts his head back and brushes the bangs from his forehead to find an egg sized lump above his brow.

"Do you still feel sick?" he asks worriedly.

"Not really," Ben mutters, ashamed he reacted like that. "What happened?"

"I don't know, yet," his father admits, pulling him closer.

They breeze through the gate at the fence without even stopping, and it feels like no time at all before they're pulling up to the Pire, medical staff rushing out to meet them. Tobias flatly refuses to use the gurney they've wheeled out, and leaves the doctors and nurses to scramble after them as he carries Ben down to the infirmary.

There's a confusing crush of people once they make it downstairs and the only way Ben will submit to treatment is if he's allowed to stay with his dad. A very exasperated looking doctor sits them down on one of the beds. He flashes a light in Ben's eyes and makes him track his finger with his eyes and asks him all sorts of questions before determining that he doesn't have a concussion, he's just scared.

Benjamin slumps against his father's chest feeling even more embarrassed than before. He's supposed to be Dauntless, be  _brave_ , even if he is only 8. He wasn't any of those things today, he was just scared. They give him a couple of pills - one for his stomach and one for his head -, and them turn their attention to Tobias.

The wound on his arm is really just a graze, but they still have to stitch it up. Tobias has just stripped off his shirt and is letting a nurse clean the wound with a sharp smelling antiseptic when Tris shows up.

"Mom!" Ben calls out to her, jumping off the bed and threading his way through the people between them. Soon enough he's enveloped in her arms, even if it is a little harder to hug her now that she's almost six months pregnant.

"Are you okay?" she demands, crying. She drops to her knees and starts checking over every inch of him.

"I'm fine, I'm okay," he rushes to reassure her. He's not really sure if she hears him because she doesn't stop what she's doing until she crushes him to her chest and cries harder.

"I was so scared," she says shakily, petting his head. "You're really okay?"

"Yeah," he says clinging to her harder and burying his face in her neck. "I was scared too," he admits in a small voice, like he can keep the secret between the two of them. "I got sick I was so scared. There was blood."

"That's okay," she soothes. "It's normal to get sick like that. When my - when I saw  _that_  the first time I got sick too," she says, stumbling over the words.

"Really?" he asks, pulling away just enough to look at her face.

"Really," she confirms, wiping the last of her tears and his off their faces.

An orderly helps her stand up again, and Ben takes her hand, ready to lead her over to his dad, but she won't move. She just stands there staring at him, her face blank for a full minute. Slowly that blankness cracks away and is replaced by more anger than Benjamin's ever seen from her.

"What the Hell were you thinking!?" she shouts, and it's so abrupt everyone in the room jumps and looks at her.

"Tris," Tobias says warningly.

"No! Don't you 'Tris' me,  _Four_! You don't ever -  _ever_  - get to yell at me for being reckless again," she says, taking a threatening step towards him.

The same orderly that helped her up blocks her. Not that it stops her yelling.

"Our son was with you!," she accuses. "He was with you! And I talked to Amar. He told me about you refusing to leave, about you getting out and shooting back. So now, tell me, what the Hell were you thinking!?"

"Ma'am you're going to have to-" some brave soul ventures, trying to stop her, but the glare she levels them with makes their mouth snap shut.

" _You_  could have died!  _He_  could have died!" she screams, completely losing whatever control she had as tears stream down her face again.

Benjamin is paralyzed in the no-mans-land between his parents, head whipping between his mother's anger and his father's stony silence.

When he looks back again Christina and Uriah are there, flanking Tris, both of holding onto her gently. "C'mon, Tris. Lets go wait outside. You need to calm down," Christina says coaxingly, touching her belly as a reminder.

"I would never forgive you if something happened to him, Tobias.  _Never_ ," Tris says viciously, and then the last of her anger crumbles away, leaving her sobbing and shaking as Uriah slings an arm around her shoulders and leads her out.

Tobias sighs heavily, his head hanging between his shoulders. He doesn't even react when the doctor starts sewing his arm up. He swipes at his face hastily and then looks up to find Benjamin still rooted to the spot, watching him.

"C'mere," he says, waving him over. Once he's close enough he reaches out and pulls him close enough that he can plant a kiss between his brows. "Everything will be okay, I promise," he says quietly. "Go wait with your mom. She needs you right now."

Benjamin nods and then scurries out the door.

Tris isn't far away, just at the other end of the hall sitting in one of the chairs pushed up against the wall. Christina is crouched down in front of her, holding on of her hands as she cries, half hunched over in the seat.

As Ben pushes his way between them his aunt reaches out, smoothing his hair down as he crawls in his mother's lap like he used to do when he was littler because he doesn't know what else to do, but after the day they've had it's what both of them need.

* * *

The doctor is just finishing up the stitches in Tobias' arm when a nurse walks in and silently hands him a folded slip of paper. It's a brief, simple message from Harrison, asking him to come upstairs when he's done in the infirmary.

As the doctor daubs the sutures with iodine and affixes a waterproof bandage over them Tobias thanks him. He doesn't have any shirt other than the one torn by the bullet and stained with his blood, but it will have to do.

He doesn't know where Tris and Benjamin disappeared to; the hall is empty and quiet when he steps into it. He's still clumsily slotting the buttons when he turns down another hallways and walks headlong into Zeke, his eyes fixed down instead of up, where they clearly needed to be.

"Are you here to yell at me too?" Tobias asks irritably.

"What? No," Zeke says, looking thoroughly confused. "What happened to you?"

"We got shot at on the road coming from Amity," Tobias says slowly, confused at how Zeke couldn't possibly know this already. "There's no way you didn't hear about this," he cajoles. "Half the medical staff was waiting for us in front of the Pire when we got back and hour ago."

"Ah. Yeah," Zeke says uncomfortably, rubbing at the back of his neck and refusing to look Tobias in the eye. "I've been in here most of the day, with Shauna."

"Why? What happened?"

Zeke looks nervously over his shoulder at the door he must have just come out of and then grabs Tobias by his arm - his uninjured one, thankfully - and leads him further down the hall.

"Shauna's pregnant," he says in a tense whisper, "and it's not… something's wrong. They thought she might be miscarrying because she was cramping and bleeding this morning."

Tobias doesn't know what to say other than "sorry", and even as it comes out of his mouth it sounds weak and not enough.

"It's not the first time," Zeke sighs, his shoulders sinking under the weight of everything. "Last year she miscarried too. It was awful, but she wasn't far along and the doctor's basically said that it happens and they don't always know why and not to worry about it. But this…," he trails off.

"You never said anything-" Tobias starts, feeling even worse.

"No, I know. Shauna didn't want people nosing around our business. It was hard enough dealing with it, but to have people constantly asking questions?"

"I get it," Tobias says hastily. "What about - I mean, have they said anything else? This time?" Tobias asks awkwardly, unsure how to ask if she's lost this baby too.

"The Doctor's got her confined to bed while they run more tests. She's kind of out of it from the drugs they're giving her, but the baby still has a heartbeat."

"Thank God for that," Tobias mutters, relieved.

"Yeah."

"Is there anything I can do? You know Zoey can stay with us for as long as you need." Tonight might not be the best night for that, not with everything that's happened between Tris and Tobias today, but he knows if he told her what's going on, Tris wouldn't hesitate to make the same offer.

"She's with Uri and Chris tonight, but thanks anyway. If Shauna's going to be here longer than tonight, though-"

"Yeah, of course. It would probably be good for Ben too, having her around for a few days. He was with Amar and I today when it happened."

"Shit," Zeke hisses. "Is he okay?"

"Shaken up, mostly. Tris is pissed though, hence the yelling."

"Eh, knowing you, you deserved it," Zeke says, the familiar teasing glint sparkling in his grief clouded eyes.

"I've got to get upstairs," Tobias says awkwardly. "But seriously, if you guys need anything-"

"I know. Just - for right now - keep this to just you and Tris."

"Of course," Tobias assures him and wishing he could do more.

Harrison and Hana are already waiting for him upstairs; Amar and the jugs of Amity cider too, which makes him laugh. As he walks around the conference table he stops and leans down to whisper an update on Zeke and Shauna in Hana's ear. She clutches his hand in thanks before he takes his seat.

"So," Amar starts. "We caught them."

"And?"

"And Amity was the target. They wanted to hijack the trucks. Apparently the rebels don't have food, but they've got plenty of guns," he says disgustedly.

"So it had  _nothing_  to do with us?" Tobias asks, incredulous.

"Well they weren't going to miss the chance to shoot at someone they thought was from the Bureau," Amar says lackadaisically. "But no, looks like they just wanted the food. At least they'll get three square meals a day in jail."

"We're going to have to up the security for Amity. If they're willing to attack the convoy they might try attacking the farm next," Harrison says.

They spend several hours making plans for just that. There's a conference call with the Bureau and another with Johanna who would much rather give these people food than have the farm flooded with more armed guards, but since she can't stop it all she can do is accept it.

By the time Tobias leaves the Pire it's long been dark out, and the water that puddled in the streets during the day has an icy crust that cracks and shatters under his boots. It's a short walk to his house, but he's shivering by the time he gets there, his jacket still laying abandoned on the road outside Amity.

The house is suspiciously quiet when he steps through the front door. The only light on downstairs is the kitchen and Tobias quietly sets the apple cider Johanna sent home for Tris on the counter. There are dinner dishes piled high in the sink and he'd wash them himself, but for the first time since they got married Tobias feels that panicked punch of fear in his chest that Tris has left him, that she's  _gone_.

He has to work hard not to run upstairs, screaming out for her. She's there though, in Benjamin's room, sitting in his desk chair and watching him sleep. Tobias sighs in relief, but she doesn't even look at him. She's changed since earlier, her jeans and black shirt hugging the contours of her body, and Tobias' favourite flannel shirt wrapped around her like a jacket. She's forever stealing his clothes, claims she loves the way they smell.

Benjamin is fast asleep, Bandy tucked against his side. The pup is only six months old and mostly legs still, but she's already protective of her family. If anyone tries to touch pregnant belly - anyone who isn't Tobias or the kids, that is -, she'll jump up and nip at their hands, forcing them away. Tobias likes that, Tris does too since strangers seem to think they're entitled to touch pregnant women.

Tobias crosses the room and leans down to press a kiss to Benjamin's forehead. He tucks the blankets more securely around him like that's all he needs to do to keep his son safe. He kisses Tris too, but when she looks at him after her eyes are red-rimmed and full of accusation.

"I'm so mad at you, Tobias," she says in a strained whisper.

"I know," he says, gently settling on the edge of Benjamin's bed, careful not to disturb his sleeping son. "Any nightmares yet?" he asks, nodding towards him.

"No. I gave him that Amity tea so he'll have a dreamless sleep - gave some to Matthew too -, but I didn't know what else to do, so I just stayed here."

Tobias reaches out and takes her hand in his, but her fingers stay limp in his grasp. "What happened today was awful," he says slowly, quietly. "But Benjamin was safe, in the car. You know I would never let anyone or anything hurt him. Or any of our children, for that matter."

He isn't at all surprised when Tris snatches her hand back at that, though it still hurts.

"He was safe, Tris," he stresses.

"You weren't safe," she snaps.

"W-what?" Tobias stutters, completely thrown.

"I said, you weren't safe."

"I was fine," he dismisses. "And I couldn't just leave those people there, unprotected. If you were there you would have done the same thing."

"And if I had, you would have punished me for it, for months," she hisses angrily.

"It's different. You know it's different. The boys need you-"

"Oh God damn it, Tobias, not this again!" she almost yells, furious.

Benjamin stirs and whimpers in his sleep and they both hold their breaths until he settles again. Once they're sure he's not going to wake up, Tris pushes herself to her feet heavily, Tobias following and closing the door to Benjamin's room just in case things get loud. By the time he turns around she's already stomping up the stairs, and he follows her there, too.

"You need to stop projecting your childhood on our family," she snaps, slamming things down on their dresser and refusing to look at him.

"What does that even mean?" he bites out, angry himself.

"It  _means_ : just because  _you_  lost your mother - just because  _you_  hated your father and couldn't get away from him fast enough -, doesn't mean Ben and Matty wouldn't be devastated if they lost you," she says, rounding on him, finally.

"And they could have, today. And unlike the bombing, which was completely out of my control, you had every choice to leave today. And you stayed. And maybe Ben wasn't in danger, but he was terrified he was going to have to watch his father die," she says stalking across the floor. Perversely, he thinks of the argument they had a lifetime ago, when he found the key Uriah gave her in case Tobias drove her out of their home.

"This family needs you, too, Tobias," she says, standing right in front of him where he stands in front of their bed, her eyes burning into his. "But you never stop to think about that, do you? Because all you can think about is the father who abused you and how much better off you would have been with the mother who abandoned you instead."

She pushes against his chest just like she did then, too, but this time he doesn't topple over drunk. This time he traps her hands in his, and pulls her as close as he can with the baby between them. Tris tries to throw him off at first, but then she's gasping into his chest, sobs wracking her body. He holds her tight, one arm around her shoulders, the other buried in her hair.

"I'm sorry," he says desperately, and it might be the first time the words aren't wrenched out of him unwillingly.

"Why don't you get it?" she cries. "That we need you. That we love you. That we would be just as broken if something happened to you, as you would be if anything happened to us."

"I'm sorry," he chokes out, tilting her head back so he can press kisses across her face - forehead, eyes, cheeks, right down to her lips that are still working spilling out words he's desperate to hear and desperate to believe.

"I can't lose you either," she says urgently. "And you're so stupid for thinking I could love someone else one day, if I did."

Tris' cheeks are still wet and there are still tears clinging to her lashes, but she wraps a hand around the back of his neck, and kisses him hard. They're both panting when she releases him just enough to breath again. "Don't leave us, Tobias," she murmurs. "Please."

Her lips capture his again and he feels a soft bump through their layers of clothes and skin; Sophie moving inside Tris, echoing her mother's plea. "She needs you too," Tris whispers as his hand travels down to hold their baby as much as he can right now.

When she stops Tris rocks back to sit on the edge of the bed, exhausted after her outburst, after the stress of the day. Tobias helps her down gently, dropping to his knees in front of her and curling around her middle.

Tris cards her fingers through his hair, telling him the things she's never said before, things that make his heart thump painfully inside his chest, unsure if that pitiful lump of muscle can bear the weight of her love, of their boys, of their girl who makes her presence known with soft twists and flutters like she's so eager to meet them all, and especially him, tonight.


	7. Sophie (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up. I won't be updating this fic again until September 28.

Instead of visiting his fear landscape, Tobias decides to use the room he optimistically turned into his office - and then promptly never used - into a nursery for Sophie. She won't use it much either, not for the first few months after she's born anyway, but that doesn't stop him doing it.

Tris tells him, "no pink," sternly, after a day spent shopping with Christina and gagging over frilly, garish bedding sets. When he shows her the paint chip the color of old parchment and buttermilk she smiles approvingly.

The fumes will give her a splitting headache so he banishes her to the bottom floor, and as he's opening windows and turning on fans she's in the backyard with the kids, trying to beat the growing summer heat by having a squirt-gun fight. She's at that stage of pregnancy where she waddles more than walks and it makes her an easy target for Benjamin and Matthew, at least until she gives up and grabs the hose;  _then_  they run.

But seeing her shirt cling wetly to her swollen belly reminds him that it won't be long now - a month, maybe - until Sophie is born. He sets to work, then, and there's something soothing about it; the sticky sound the paint makes as it adheres to the walls, the even metronome of his hands as he runs the roller from floor to ceiling.

If the him from seven years ago - the one who ran out on Tris, for all intents and purposes - walked through the door, he wouldn't recognize himself.

Or maybe he would. If given the chance to talk to that version of himself he doesn't know what he'd say. "Don't be scared," probably, though it wouldn't make a difference. Fear has a way of making things seem impossible, of making seemingly insurmountable mountains rise up out of the flat plains of life. The him from seven years ago wouldn't have thought the life he has now possible.

And even though he toiled in the face of those fears - those challenges - all this time, he was still afraid. Too afraid to see anything but Marcus lurking under his skin, waiting to come out. Too afraid to accept that Tris needed him, that his boys loved him, that he wouldn't do something to betray the love and trust that could level those mountains.

And he still feels that way, somewhere inside him, because he's spent 28 years feeling not good enough, and sweet, precious words from Tris can't undo all those years of learned behavior. But the evidence of them, the evidence she made him see, changes things.

So he could be screaming in his fear landscape right now. But he's not. He's here, making a place in their home for the latest and last addition to their family.

* * *

"Good to see you're putting me to shame with another picture perfect nursery," Zeke quips as he steps into the nursery, where Tobias is assembling the crib.

"Tori did most of the work the last time," he says evenly, though the spot she used to inhabit aches freshly at the reminder of her absence. "How's Shauna?"

"Still hating bedrest."

"You still treating her like she's made of glass?"

"What else am I supposed to do?" he asks, and where Tobias would be hostile and defensive if the same question popped out of his mouth, Zeke's is just resigned.

It makes something guilty squirm in Tobias' gut because while his best friend's life is threatening to tear apart at the seams, Tris' pregnancy has been a gift. Once she got past the first trimester she's been happier and healthier than she's been in any of her other pregnancies; not wretchedly sick like she was with Matthew, and not alone like she was with Benjamin.

Meanwhile, Zeke and Shauna are living something out of Tobias' nightmares. The day that he literally ran into Zeke in the infirmary, Shauna's blood pressure was dangerously high. And still, these months later it is controlled, reduced, but not healthy. The doctor has ordered her to bed, forbid her from doing anything more strenuous than taking a shower, and told her in no uncertain terms that the only way to make her healthy again is to deliver the baby.

But delivering the baby then meant terminating the pregnancy, so she ignored the doctor's reasoned advice, Zeke's pleading, and stubbornly decided that she was going to have this baby no matter what the cost.

If the tables were turned Tobias is sure he would be losing his mind; his fear landscape is enough to prove that.

"Want some help?" Zeke offers.

"Sure."

Zeke drags the box containing the pieces that are supposed to make a dresser to the center of the room and starts ripping away the heavy cardboard packaging protecting it.

"How's Shauna, really?" Tobias asks quietly, once his friend is sorting the pieces into carcass and drawers.

Zeke sighs long and heavy. "Not okay, but not worse. The nurse comes by three times a day to check her blood pressure and administer her medicine. They've got her on something now that's supposed to speed up the baby's the lung development."

"They still want to-"

"-Deliver the baby as soon as possible? Yeah, but the thing has to be able to breathe on it's own as much as possible."

"You still haven't found out the sex?"

"No. I mean, we didn't with Zoey either," he hedges, "but it's different this time. Right now it's just a baby, generic, but once you find out the sex you start thinking of names and before you know it it's got all this personality, and my eyes and Shauna's hair and we just can't go down that road yet."

"I'm sorry," Tobias says, not knowing what else to say.

"I know. You're sorry, and Christina's sorry, and everyone is  _sorry_ ," he says irritably.

"Not Shauna, she's just stubborn," Tobias says, desperate to lighten the mood.

Zeke mutters something that sounds suspiciously like  _damn Dauntless girls should come with a warning label,_  but there's a wry smile pushing up the corner of his lips all the same.

His good humor is gone just as quickly as it came though, and he stills his hands from sorting the wood pieces to run them over his face in frustration. "The doctor wants to give her another six weeks, tops, and that's  _if_  her blood pressure stays where it's been, and _if_  she doesn't start having seizures or something else doesn't go wrong."

Tobias swears quietly, under his breath.

"Yeah, I know," Zeke grouses, turning back to the task at hand.

Tobias screws together the last pieces of the crib and between the two of them they carry it to it's place under the mural he painstakingly stenciled on the wall, clearing the way to assemble the dresser next.

"How's Tris?" Zeke asks eventually.

"Oh, um, you know, ready to not be pregnant," he stutters and then cringes. It is a poor choice of words at best, given Shauna's problems.

"Yeah, I saw her when I walked in. She's getting huge."

"I will hit you," Tobias says with the sort of flat, emotionless tone that used to send initiates scurrying.

"Might be fun," Zeke says, scratching his chin in mock contemplation. "You and I haven't had a go in a while."

They don't, but they do get the dresser put together, even affixing the bumpers that turn the top into a changing table. And the drapes and the lighting fixture after that. And Tobias is trying to think of a tactful way to ask him if he's planning on staying for dinner and  _who's babysitting Shauna?_  when Ben bounds into the room and asks him just that, honest and bold in the way only a child can be.

"Nah, I have to get home soon," he says easily, belying none of the stress that he must be feeling. "I'm sure your Auntie Christina and Uncle Uri are dying to jump back in bed."

"Hey," Tobias cautions just as Ben chirps, "okay," all the while giving him a confused look like he just can't figure out why anyone would go to bed when the sun is still up.

Twenty minutes later Zeke calls out a goodbye to Tris while he and Tobias carry the detritus of their efforts out to the trash bins as he leaves for home. Tobias watches him disappear into the thicket of trees surrounding the park wishing that things were different.

But they aren't and when he goes back inside he makes a beeline for Tris, wrapping his arms around her from behind as she assembles a stack of turkey sandwiches to go with the fancy apple salad she's perfected over the last few months.

"I love you," he mumbles, hiding his face in her neck, his hand slowly caressing her belly; grateful, afraid, he-doesn't-ever-know-what, just that if he can wrap himself around her he can protect her and Sophie from anything bad happening to them too.

"I know," Tris whispers, resting her head against his. "I love you too."

They eat dinner outside, the dog at their feet and the moths swooping around them. Matthew tries to toss away the spinach and celery Tris has hidden between slices of apple and chunks of walnuts in the salad, but she makes him eat it, and he gives her the most suffering look he can as he does. Tobias is itching to point out that Benjamin was never such a picky eater, but Matthew is not yet 3 and that sort of argument is useless.

As the kids play in the living room and Tobias washes the dinner dishes he tells Tris everything Zeke told him. She looks stricken by the time he finishes and forces her way into his wet, soapy arms, not caring for anything else, just like he did earlier. He knows that Ben suspects something is wrong because later, when he should be carelessly splashing in the massive tub in his parents bathroom he worriedly asks Tobias if everything is okay.

"We're fine," Tobias assures him, "I promise."

But he stills crawls onto their bed where Tris is sitting and composing a letter to the Bureau as soon as he's out of the bath. Tobias can't hear what they're saying between the rushing of the water and Matthew's happy shrieks as he makes tiny waterfalls with their pots and pans, but by the time they take the boys downstairs to bed Benjamin seems as happy and carefree as any 8 year old should.

"So…," Tris says, drawing out the word once they're alone again. "Do I get to see Sophie's room now?"

"I don't know," Tobias considers, teasing her as they reach the landing outside their room. "I think I might make you wait until she's born."

"You shouldn't be mean to the mother of your children, Tobias," she scolds, shaking her head.

" _Our_  children," he corrects, tilting her chin up with his finger so he can kiss her.

His hands trail down her shoulder to her arms and then knot with hers as he walks her towards the nursery door. He lets her take a few steps into the dark room before he flips on the light.

She takes her time walking around the room, trailing her fingers across the dresser, the shelves, and her rocking chair which has been freshly painted white to match the rest of the furniture in the room. She even reaches up on her tip-toes to bat at the papery light fixture that casts the room in soft white light. He leans against the frame of the door and lets her take it in, anxiously awaiting her verdict.

She lingers longest in front of the crib, though that's not what holds her attention. What holds her attention is the mural painted on the wall behind it. There's a tree in each corner, the trunks and limbs an earthy brown and the leaves a pale purple, and a flock of birds fluttering between them, arching over the crib, in flight.

"There's five of them."

"One for each of us," Tobias explains, wrapping his arms around her from behind, just like he did earlier, except this time his hand covers the ravens tattooed across her chest. "Do you like it?"

She twists in his arms and with the baby between them it's harder to kiss, now, but they do; again and again, soft, lingering, appreciative kisses.

"Did you match the leaves on the tree to the polka-dots on the bedding?" she asks quizzically, her head turned to look over her shoulder.

"Of course I did," he says smugly. "What kind of father do you think I am?"

* * *

The week before Tris' due date Tobias gives his aides stern instructions that if Tris calls, she's to be immediately put through. He doesn't care what he's doing, who he's in a meeting with, if he's on the floor of the Council for a vote: there is nothing more important than Tris.

Of course that's the easy part. The hard part is actually getting Tris to make that call in the first place because knowing her, she won't make it if she thinks he needs to be at work more than he needs to be at her side.

In the end it doesn't matter though, because he's at home with her and the boys when she goes into labor.

Tris goes up to bed early, claiming she's tired, but twenty minutes later she comes back downstairs, her hair wet, like she's just gotten out of the shower. "I thought you were asleep," he says quietly.

Tris shuffles over to him to lean down and whisper, "my water broke," in his ear.

"Do we need to leave?"

Tris shakes her head. "Not yet. I just want to walk."

Tris starts pacing and rubbing the small of her back, like she's done the last two times she's given birth. Tobias watches her narrowly, but when he stands to walk with her, she waves him off, muttering that she's fine.

When Matthew tries to get Tris to color with him though she explains, patiently and apologetically, that she has to walk because the baby's coming. "Do you want to walk with me?" she asks, extending her hand towards him.

"Okay, Mama," he says, sliding off the couch and taking her hand.

They slowly walk the length of the room, from the boy's bedrooms at one end, to the playroom at the other; back and forth, over and over. Every now and then Matthew ducks into his bedroom and comes back out carrying stuffed animal or some other toy that he hands to Tris, which she sets down as soon as she thinks he isn't paying attention.

It takes Tobias a while to figure out exactly what his son is doing, but when he drags the tattered blue quilt off the foot of his bed and presses it towards Tris, it finally dawns on him that he's giving Tris all the things he reaches for when he's sick or scared.

Tobias and Benjamin watch nervously, the puzzle they were working on abandoned between them, until Tris suggests that Ben take his bath like he normally would.

"You're in labor," Tobias scoffs like she hasn't clued into that yet.

"Well I'm not going to give birth in the next twenty minutes," she snaps. "There's no need to disrupt their routine when I've got hours of this ahead of me."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Just do it, Tobias," she grits out as she turns to start her trek to the opposite end of the house.

Benjamin and Tobias share a look, but don't argue with her. Still, Tobias keeps the door to the bathroom wedged between the boy's rooms open, and it's a good thing Benjamin can wash himself now because Tobias keeps getting distracted every time Tris walks past the open door.

Once Benjamin is done and dressed he takes over walking with his mom as Tobias wrestles Matthew into the water next. This time though, he does have to pay attention; drowning their youngest son might put a damper on the birth of their daughter, after all. So he doesn't notice when Ben and Tris goes downstairs, only sees the evidence of it when he comes back out with a now pajamaed Matthew to find Ben drinking a cup of pretty pink tea that promises long, dreamless sleep.

"You went to the kitchen?" he accuses.

Tris rolls her eyes. "I'm going to be walking to the Pire soon, and you're upset because I went downstairs?"

"You're not walking anywhere," Tobias in a tone that brokers no argument. Tris just rolls her eyes at him again.

To get Matthew to take a measure of the stuff though Tobias has to hold him, and Tris has to hold the cup and between the two of them they get a few sips in him and not long after he's out like a light, snoring softly against his father's shoulder.

"I want to lay down for a little while," Tris says, once Tobias has carried Ben and Matty to their rooms and tucked them in.

"You can lay down downstairs while I call Christina," he says gently. "How do you feel?" he asks as he carefully helps her down the stairs.

"Like I'm having a baby," she quips and then groans. "Ugh… kind of nauseous and the contractions are getting stronger."

"How strong?" Tobias asks worriedly.

"We still have time," she assures him.

He means to settle her on one of the couches, but she follows him into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water. She takes small sips, her free hand rubbing her belly as Tobias calls Uriah's apartment.

He's just telling Christina that it's time, that they need to get over here to stay with the boys like they planned when he hears Tris vomiting into the sink on the other side of the room. He barks out something about them needing get there  _now_  and slams the phone down.

"I'm fine," she says hastily when she finishes throwing up.

Tobias knows that can happen during labor, remembers the baby books mentioning that the digestive tract can more or less shut down during labor and delivery, and if not that, the pain can always trigger it. Still, it's never happened to Tris before, and right now his nerves can't handle anything new and terrifying.

"Do you still want to lay down?" he asks, rubbing her back as she rinses her mouth out.

"Yeah," Tris answers weakly.

"Hey, look at me," he demands when she sways on her feet. She does, but her eyes are glassy and unfocused like she's about to faint. "Talk to me, Tris."

"Gotta lay down," she mutters.

He helps her over to the couch, helps her lay down, eases her head onto his lap and strokes her hair while they wait. She's deeply asleep in a matter of seconds. It seems like as soon as she is, she starts sweating, her skin slick and hot with it. Again, it's 'normal', but right now it's another thing that's new and terrifying.

Tobias chews his lip bloody waiting for Christina to show up, and when she does he's practically clawing out of his skin with worry.

"Took you long enough," he hisses furiously when he flings the door open, interrupting Christina's frantic knocking.

"We brought a car," Uriah says blithely, tossing him a set of keys. "Hey, Tris, how you doing?" he says, looking over Tobias shoulder to where Tris is awake and pushing herself upright.

"Having a baby, how are you doing?"

"I was making a baby when Four called, so I've been better," he shoots back with a wolfish grin that earns him a hard slap to chest from Christina.

"We were  _not_ ," she says, her cheeks a flaming red.

"Ben and Matty are asleep, you know where everything is, don't fuck in our bed," Tobias reels off as he retrieves Tris' overnight bag from where it's been stashed in the closet the last few weeks. "Don't fuck anywhere else, either," he adds, sizing them up.

"Don't be vile," Tris scolds as Tobias helps her to her feet. "And thank you for watching them," she says to Christina and Uriah on her way out the door.

It's a thirty second drive from their house to the Pire, but it's still time enough for Tris to have another contraction. This time her body goes rigid and her eyes scrunch closed and her knuckles are white where she's gripping the door handle.

"Worse?"

"Yeah," she says, panting.

Tobias leaves the car in front of the Pire, the keys still in the ignition. He couldn't care less if someone steals it.

There are still a few people milling around the Pit, drunks and insomniacs, mostly. They don't pay Tris and Tobias any mind as they walk to the infirmary. There's a few people here too, a couple of guys with bruises and bloody lips, a sick child or two; nothing that keeps the nurses on duty from looking anything but bored out of their minds.

They get Tris in a wheelchair, in a room, and into a hospital gown. Once she's in bed they go about the business of hooking up the machines that monitor her and the baby, and Tobias can't help the feeling of absolute relief that floods through him once he can hear and see their steady heartbeats on the monitors.

She has three more contractions while they wait for Dr. Gonzales - who Tobias is sure had to be woken up - to arrive.

"Hello, Tris. Tobias," she says around a yawn. "How long have you been laboring?"

"About… two hours?" Tris guesses and then looks to Tobias who nods in confirmation.

"How far apart are the contracts?"

"Every ten minutes," Tobias answers crisply.

"Your water broke already?"

"Yes, before the contractions started. I didn't feel the first one until after I got out of the shower."

"Okay, let's take a look…," she trails off, pulling on exam gloves and propping Tris' legs up. "How has your labor been so far?" she asks, once her hands have disappeared under the sheet covering Tris' lower half.

"Quicker than my other two," Tris starts.

"She threw up," Tobias interrupts. "Right before we left. And then she got tired, like  _really_  tired, all of the sudden. And once she was asleep she was pouring sweat," he babbles.

"Hmm… that's not unusual," the doctor hums, clearly distracted by whatever she's doing to Tris under that sheet.

"It's not normal for Tris," Tobias mutters.

"Every birth is a little different," Dr. Gonzales says, much more focused now as she sits up and discards her gloves. "You're not dilated enough for an epidural yet. But we're going to keep a close eye on you since it won't be long now," she says, decided. "In the meantime, try to rest as much as you can."

"Can you turn the lights off?" Tris asks once they're alone again.

He can't, not all of them, but enough to make it dim, which seems to appease Tris. She keeps shifting against the mattress though, a sure sign that her back is hurting, and like he has so often lately he slips his hand under her and starts massaging away the pain.

"That feels good," she sighs.

"Good," he mumbles against against her arm, kissing the juncture of her elbow. "Do you think you can sleep?"

"No, but I just want to rest, if I can."

"Okay," he says quietly, deferentially. Her eyes flutter closed, relaxed.

"I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want this with someone else," she says. It's not the first time he's heard her says those words, but they still spread through his veins, warm and soothing like balm just the same as it did the day he got shot at on the way home from Amity.

"You don't think you would have wanted to be a mother more than you would have wanted me, if things didn't change?" he asks, and he hates himself for it, a little, but he still needs her reassurance sometimes.

"You don't understand what it's like wanting something because you love someone so much. When I was pregnant with Ben and you were… I wanted him to look like you. I wanted him to be this piece of you that I could keep and cherish even if I didn't have you anymore. And I wanted him because he was our baby, Tobias.  _Ours_."

Another contraction hits her then, and she grimaces and grips his hand. He has to use the clock on the wall to time it, this time. "Eight minutes," he announces.

"And I got my wish," she says, smiling like she wasn't just gritting her teeth in pain. "But after he was born I was so scared that you wouldn't let yourself love him, that you'd leave again."

"I'm sorry," he murmurs.

"I know. But I think he was what you needed to stay. If we had Matty first, I'm not sure you would have stayed," she says seriously. "But Ben… he loves you so much, and he always has, even when he was a baby. I think he made it impossible for you to be scared like you were when I was pregnant. You're a good father, you know," she says, her eyes lifting open just a little. "I always thought you would be."

"I always thought I would be Marcus," he says, frowning.

"I know. I've seen your fear landscape, Tobias," she reminds him, though it's been years.

"It's different now. The boys are in it now. She probably will be to, the next time," he says, nodding towards Tris' stomach.

"I know you're still afraid of being like him," Tris says sadly. He's never told her exactly how the boys are in his landscape, but she's not stupid. "But I think you were afraid of being abandoned too."

"I was afraid I'd hurt you, betray you. Give you a reason to leave," he explains. "And I did for a while, anyway."

"No, I mean, I think you were afraid that you'd lose us, like you lost Evelyn; that if you had kids and loved them they'd… get taken away, by something," she says awkwardly, trying not to use the word 'die' or anything like it in this room, right now. "I think you were scared to love like that again because then you could hurt like that again. I know I'm still in your fear landscape, because of how I was after my - during the war."

"I never really thought about it that way."

"Because you were focusing too much on Marcus," she says, a little smug. "And I know why, but I think Evelyn abandoning you did just as much damage, it's just-"

She cuts off with a deep groan, her body contorting as her muscles contract. They're coming faster now, and more intense. Tobias presses the Call button for the nurse without asking Tris' permission; she'd just argue with him.

"That was a bad one," she says, wiping the tears it caused off her cheeks.

"You should rest."

"I am. I'm just laying here, in case you haven't noticed," she says with a hint of a smirk.

"True, but this isn't really resting."

Tris opens her mouth to say something, but the nurse chooses that moment to bustle into the room and respond to the summons.

"I think I'm ready for that epidural now," Tris says instead.

"Talking helps," Tris says, picking up the thread of their conversation again once the nurse has gone to fetch the doctor. "It's a good distraction."

"Until it's not."

"Hopefully there's drugs at that point," she quips.

"At least you're not stoned on peace serum this time," Tobias dead-pans.

Tris laughs quietly.

"What did you do to get them to dope you up, again?" he teases.

"Ugh… I threw a potted plant at their ambassador," she says in a long suffering voice, and right on cue Tobias laughs at her.

"Well, what was I supposed to do!? I was having contractions and he was standing there like an idiot no matter how many times I told him I needed you."

"You're a menace," he says affectionately, kissing her forehead.

"It's always the little ones you have to watch out for; we're crafty."

Her laughter turns into another pained moaned just as the doctor walks through the door.

"I'd think she's ready for that epidural," the doctor decides.

"Oh thank God," Tris moans.

Soon enough they're rolling Tris over on her side and slipping a needle into her spine. She moans then, too.

"Better?" the doctor asks, feeling Tris' abdomen to check how the baby is positioned

"Much," she sighs.

"How much longer?" Tobias asks.

"This is her third baby, so it will be quicker than before, but there's really no telling. It could be 20 minutes, or it could be 2 hours. We just have to wait and see."

Since Dr. Gonzales doesn't have anywhere else to be she decides to stay with Tris and Tobias for a while to monitor the labor. The epidural slows things down a little and, like it always does, time either seems to be rushing past or not moving at all. Eventually though, the baby moves into the position it needs to be in and Tris goes from feeling like she  _could_  push, to the overwhelming need  _to_  push.

Before she starts pushing though, she pulls Tobias down for quick kiss. He expects her to let go as soon as her lips do, but she doesn't, just holds him in place and asks him if he's ready to meet their daughter.

His "yes" is all the things it wouldn't have been seven years ago.

Tobias leaves the phony, cheerleading encouragement to the nurses and focuses on holding Tris steady with an arm around her shoulders and his free hand still clutched in hers. He murmurs things to her that make her laugh - like how this one isn't as stubborn as her biggest brother was -, and things that make her cry - like how he knows she's going to be smart and fierce just like her mother.

And when Tris gets to that point where it just  _hurts_  and she just wants it to be  _over_ , he doesn't say anything at all because he's  _there_ , and that speaks louder than words ever will.

And then  _she's_  there.

Sophie enters the world just like her brothers did, with tears and squalling. She's a little bit smaller than them, but no less perfect. She's got ten fingers, ten toes, two brilliantly blue eyes, and a thatch of sticky blonde hair.

Unlike her brother's though, it's Tobias who places her in her mother's arms, and not a nurse. He carries herc from where they had been cleaning and dressing and weighing her over to Tris. He cradles and coos to her, confident, because he's done this before and there's nothing to be afraid of right now.

"Sophie, this is your mother," Tobias tells her as he sets her gently into Tris' arms. "She kept you safe, and healthy, and loved all this time. And we have waited so, so long to meet you. Years and years, because you were never not here, you just hadn't come home yet."

~~xxxx~~

Tobias wakes to find Tris sitting up in bed, nursing Sophie. It's one of his favourite sights. Tris interacting with any of their children is, really, but watching her nurse their children is always special. There's this look she gets when she does, this incredible awe, as if she can't believe this tiny person exists; as if she can't believe that they conceived and she carried and gave birth to them.

And that's part of it, but what's so rare and beautiful is watching her fall in love with their children. And her love for them is so vast she can't contain it. It seems to spill out of her, touching everything around her, even him. But this part, the falling part, this only happens now, and Tobias has been lucky enough to see it three times in his life; a silent, reverent witness.

"The boys will be here soon," Tris murmurs, and it takes Tobias a moment to realize she's speaking to him, not the baby.

"How did you know I was awake?"

"I could feel you watching me."

"You look beautiful."

"I look like I just gave birth 12 hours ago," she says, making a face at him.

"Someone once told me that a happy woman is a beautiful woman. It doesn't matter what she's wearing or how she looks; if she's happy, she's beautiful. And you're never more happy or beautiful than you are right now," he whispers in her ear. He doesn't tell her that woman was Evelyn; it doesn't matter.

He reaches for Sophie as soon as she's done nursing, carefully arranging her in his arms because while it's Mommy's job to feed her, it's Daddy's job to burp her.

As Tris said they would, their sons turn up not long after they've gotten Sophie burped and changed. Christina tactfully waits in the hall, giving the family their time together. They crowd around the bed, eyes wide, and mouth hanging open as they take her in.

"She's so  _small_ ," Benjamin says wonderingly.

"All babies are small when they're born. When you were born you head could fit in the palm of my hand," Tobias explains.

"Up, Mama," Matthew demands, already scrambling at the frame of the bed trying to get to Tris.

"You have to be gentle, Matty," she cautions as Tobias lifts him up. " _Gentle_."

"Okay," he says quietly, everything about him careful because his Mama is telling him to be, and he always listens to her.

"Sophie, this is your brother, Matthew. Matty, can you wave to her?"

"Hi, Ophie," he says; 's's are still hard for him to pronounce. But he holds his hand aloft and waves to her, just like Tris asks.

After a few minutes the novelty must wear off because he snuggles into Tris side, content with her attention and no one elses, like usual. "Missed you, Mama," he says sleepily.

"I missed you too," Tris says, handing the baby off to Tobias so she can cuddle Matthew.

"Do you want to hold her, Ben?" Tobias asks, motioning him to the two chairs pushed up against the wall.

"Can I?" he asks excitedly, but trying hard not to be too loud or move too quickly or do anything that would upset the baby.

"You just have to be careful with her," Tobias cautions. "She's not even a day old yet."

"I will be, I promise," Ben vows.

Tobias has him put a pillow on his lap so he doesn't have to support Sophie's weight, and then, very gently, lays her across it.

"You can touch her, you won't hurt her," Tobias encourages as he crouches on the floor in front of them.

Benjamin slowly curls his arms around her. "Hi, Sophie," he says, shy and uncertain as he pecks a kiss to her forehead. It hasn't been that long since Matthew was born, but Sophie just seems so much smaller, or maybe it's just that Ben is so much bigger now.

"Having a sister is a lot of responsibility, you know," Tobias says.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. it's your job to protect her. She'll be strong all on her own, just like her mother, but if you want to be a good man someday, you take care women. When someone tries to tear them down, you're there to build them back up. You're strong for them," he explains, looking over at the bed where Tris is cuddled with Matthew and thinking of those awful days in Erudite during the war when she was so close to giving up. He had to be strong for her then. "You never hurt them, and you never let anyone else hurt them, either," he finishes.


	8. Raleigh (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie, this is something of a set up chapter for the next one. So there's important stuff going on, even if it doesn't necessarily seem like it. Also, I said I'd include some smutty goodness, but I decided to move it to the next chapter too. Sorry, but Tris just gave birth two months ago and I didn't think headboard-banging sexy times were the order of the day.

Benjamin can't help feeling jealous as he watches his dad cuddle the little squirming, squawking bundle of blankets that is his sister Sophie. It didn't really bother him so much when Matthew was born. True, his father's eyes were still wet and red when he let Benjamin into Tris' hospital room, his voice thick when he said, "this is brother, Matthew," but Ben was sure his father was disappointed because he'd been hoping for a girl, and that helped a lot.

It helped too that Matthew so clearly favoured Tris from the start that Benjamin got more than his fair share of his father's affection.

Sophie's different. She is the longed for girl, eagerly anticipated and now that she's here she's _always_ in Tobias' arms, and his attention is _always_ on her, even when it's not because Matty is being a brat and demanding Tris' attention. And it hurts because Benjamin was  _always_  Tobias' favourite even if he never said so, and now he's all but invisible.

Even Bandy is ignoring him, off on an adventure of her own that has her running from tree to tree as the squirrels skitter and dance in the foliage above her.

Benjamin's eyes scan across the grassy field until they land on his parents. They've lounging under a tree, Sophie -  _of course_  - is resting on Tobias' chest as he lays in the grass. She's almost 2 months old now and has finally mastered the art of lifting her own head and clumsily pawing at things. Like her father's face. Ben is sure she keeps poking Tobias in the eye, but all he does is smile and grab her little hand and kiss it before letting her do it again.

And Matthew -  _of course_  - has Tris attention. Benjamin would think she's asleep except every few minutes Matthew toddles up to her, gifting her a dandelion in exchange for a murmured thanks and a kiss to his cheek. He never goes more than ten feet away, like he's got an invisible tether tying him to Tris. There's nothing new there, he's been tied to his mother's hip since he was born.

The wave of aching sadness Ben feels  _is_  new though, and it makes him feel a bunch of things that he'd rather not, and never has until now; chief among them that somehow in the shuffle of new siblings he's become the forgotten son. Benjamin stomps his way through grass and weeds and early fallen leaves to his favourite tree. By the time he settles onto a branch several feet above the ground his cheeks are wet and he gives a great big sniffle as he wallows in his own misery, feeling more and more abandoned as the seconds tick by and no one comes looking for him.

It feels like a lifetime, but really it's only minutes before he hears footsteps and Matthew-babble following after him. "You know if your father catches you up there you're in going to be in trouble," Tris calls out as she comes into view at the base of the tree. It's true and Benjamin knows that, though he's never understood why it's such a big deal; he's never fallen despite his dad's worry, all the other Dauntless kids do it.

"So?" he scoffs, ill tempered, though there is a little flutter of fear because he's pretty sure back-talking like that will get him in trouble.

Tris smirks up at him. "Are you planning on coming down anytime soon?"

"No," he snaps.

"Okay. Do you mind if Matty and I hang out here then?"

Benjamin doesn't dignify her question with a response, at least a verbal one, instead glaring off into the distance and shrugging his shoulders petulantly. Still, he can't help stealing glances at her as she situates herself against the base of the tree, jiggling Matthew in her arms until he erupts in happy giggles. It does nothing to improve his mood.

It takes a minute, but eventually Matthew realizes his brother is perched above them and his voice rises up in a cheerful chorus of, "Ben, Ben, Ben!" as he bangs his hands against the trunk of the tree. When Benjamin finally looks down at him he's met with a toothy grin and a "hi" that sounds like it's got about a million i's in it, which is quickly followed with, "what'chu doin' up there?"

"He's playing hide-and-seek, Matty, and you found him," Tris answers.

His brother's grin gets bigger, impossibly big considering the size of his face.

"Will you find me some more flowers?" Tris asks him. Young as Benjamin is, he knows the request is just something to keep his brother occupied. He scampers off, calling back an absent "'kay" when Tris tells him not to go too far.

"I know you're feeling a little ignored lately," Tris starts, only to be cut off with an indignant huff from above her.

Tris can't help rolling her eyes. Benjamin and Tobias are so alike - too much sometimes. Neither one of them like being forced to talk about their feelings; they always have to be the ones initiating those types of conversations, if they do it at all.

She decides to try a different tactic. "You know, your father never carried you around like he does Sophie." It sounds cruel - it  _would_   _be_  cruel - if not for the way she plans this conversation playing out. "He was so scared. For a long time after you were born he was terrified by you. Every time he held you, you could see the panic on his face. He used to move so carefully, so slowly, like if he took one wrong step he would break you. It was actually kind of funny."

It's hard for Benjamin to imagine Tobias being scared of anything; that's just not who his father is. But as much as Benjamin wants to be stubbornly sullen he can't block out his mother's narrative floating up and invading his little sanctuary, can't help but being drawn in by her words as she continues talking. Especially when she explains how Tobias is the kind of father now because of Benjamin. The kind of father who now tumbles around on the living room floor with his sons, or chases them through the park only to scoop them up and sling them over his shoulder. And the kind of father who carries around a baby like it's the easiest thing in the world now because he's no longer afraid of himself.

Benjamin doesn't understand that last part, but growing up in Dauntless Benjamin knows how hard it is to get over a fear, and for him to be the reason his father got over his… well, it's a big deal, something to be proud of even. So when Tris tells him Tobias is the way he is now because he loves his firstborn so much, it makes something soft and warm unfurl in his chest; a balm that soothes away the sting from earlier.

Eventually Benjamin wiggles his way back down to earth, looking sheepish. "Are you going to help me up?" Tris queries, one hand extended, fingers wiggling at him invitingly.

He wraps her hand in both of his, pulling her up with every ounce of strength in his wiry little body. It makes him feel strong when he helps lever her onto her feet. And it makes him feel loved when her arms slip around his narrow shoulders and pulls him close for a long, lingering hug.

"My Mama," Matthew cries indignantly, trying to push Benjamin away.

Tris rolls her eyes and captures his hand in hers, untangling it from Benjamin's shirt. "Stop it, Matty," she says firmly. He buries his face in her neck when she picks him up, pouting at the reprimand. That makes Benjamin feel better too because Tris never has to use that tone of voice with him.

When they emerge from the trees Tobias is waiting for them, brow furrowed in concern. "I thought I'd lost you guys," he says, wrapping his free arm around Tris and pecking a kiss to her cheek.

Benjamin isn't sure if he imagine Tris' murmured "never," but there's no mistaking her, "we were just exploring, weren't we, Ben?"

"Did you find anything interesting?" Tobias asks him, a hand extending out to ruffle his hair affectionately. Benjamin shakes his head and ducks his chin to hide his smile. And it helps; helps him keep hold of that warm feeling his mother's words created in his chest, at least until they get home and it becomes clear that no matter what Tris said nothing's really changed.

Benjamin picks at his lunch and halfway through, after what feels like hours of watching his dad coo at Sophie between bites of food, he announces that he's not feeling good and stomps upstairs, slamming his bedroom door before Tris and Tobias can do anything more than gawk at him.

By the time his father does follow him upstairs he's laid out on his bed, glaring at the ceiling. As soon as the door is open Bandy jumps up on the bed and starts licking his face, but all it does is annoy him more. Still, he doesn't push her off the bed, just away.

Tobias drags the desk chair over to the side of the bed, seemingly unphased by the fact that Benjamin refuses to look at him. "I know this is hard for you, Ben," he says quietly.

"Did Mom tell you that?" he asks, angry.

"I don't need your mother to tell me when you're not happy," Tobias says tightly. "It will get better as Sophie gets older, you know," he continues. "Right now she just needs a lot of attention."

Benjamin scoffs; it seems to be his go-to today when he can't think of what to say. Or can't say what he really thinks.

"I know it doesn't seem like that now, and Matthew being… how he is, doesn't help. But now that she's a few months old, I thought maybe… maybe we could take a few hours on the weekends and do something; just you and me and mom." he says haltingly, as if he's puzzling out exactly how they could make that work.

"Like what?" Ben says, despite himself.

"Whatever you want. You're important too, and I'm sorry your mom and I haven't been doing a very good job making sure you know that lately," he says, a small smile turning up his lips when Ben finally looks at him. "Obviously not this weekend though, since we already have plans."

"Could we play paintball?" Ben asks suspiciously, like it's a test, because it is.

He's been begging to go paintballing for the last year and his mother has very firmly said 'no' because she thinks he's too little to play with guns, even fake ones. But Benjamin thinks his dad doesn't agree because every time he brings it up Tobias doesn't say anything, at least not in front of Ben.

Tobias scratches his neck nervously, and Ben is sure he's going to say, "your mom says no," like he's done every other time Benjamin has asked, but instead he says, "I'll talk to your mom about it, but I can't promise anything."

Benjamin considers him for a long moment before he says, "okay."

"Come on," Tobias says, standing up and shaking Ben's foot playfully. "Come play checkers with me."

The house is exceptionally quiet as they walk out of Benjamin's room and down the hall to the playroom at the front of the house. "Where's Mom?" he asks, settling at the game table by the window.

"She and Matty went to the Pire for a little while to go visit Christina," Tobias says, pulling out the playing board and arranging the checkers on it.

Benjamin makes the first move, scooting one of his plastic discs diagonally across a couple of spaces. He's still learning and not very good, but his dad patiently waits for him to make each move, and when he gets really stumped Tobias will make suggestions. They're on their second round when Tris and Matthew get back, the latter running up the stairs, stopping dead on the landing, laughing, and then running back downstairs.

"He is the weirdest kid sometimes," Tobias mutters, smiling.

"Is it true you used to be scared to hold me?" Ben blurts out, suddenly remember his conversation with his mother earlier in the day.

"Who told you that?"

"Mom," he says slowly, uncertain if he should have mentioned it given that his father's gaze is now pinning him in place.

Tobias looks at the stairs like he can see right down them to where they can hear Tris and Matthew moving around below. "Yeah, it's true," he says eventually.

"Why?"

"I'd never been around kids before. I didn't want to drop you on your head and break you," he jokes, and really, that's enough of an answer for Benjamin, but clearly it's not for Tobias because a few quiet minutes later he says, "I didn't know how to be a father. And your mom didn't really know how to be a mother either, I guess, but it was easier for her because she knew what good parents were supposed to be like. I didn't."

"What do you mean?" Ben asks because his dad is being confusingly cryptic. "Mom said you were afraid of yourself," he adds, another little piece of their conversation flitting through his head.

Tobias shifts in his chair uncomfortably, visibly debating what he's going to say next. He moves his pieces across the board slowly and deliberately. "My father wasn't… very nice. To me, or anyone else. And that wasn't how I wanted to be, but I didn't know how to be a good father because that was all I knew."

Benjamin doesn't dare ask him what he means by his father not being very nice, so instead he asks, "what about your mom? Wasn't she nice?"

He's grown up with stories about Andrew and Natalie - from both Tris and Tobias -, and honestly, Ben just assumed Tobias' parents were dead too because his dad has never talked about his family, and it's only now that Benjamin finds it odd. It's almost like he didn't exist until he was 16 and transferred to Dauntless, like he didn't exist until he fell in love with Tris and had a family with her.

"She wasn't around," he says simply.

"Oh. Mom says you were funny, when you were scared of holding me," he says, desperate to change the subject, or at least lighten the mood.

"I'm sure it was to everybody else," Tobias says with a rueful smile. "Not so much to me though."

"But you got over it," Ben points out, a little proudly too, since he had something to do with that, even if he doesn't remember it.

Tobias shrugs. "I had to.  _Someone_  spent a lot of time after they were born crying every time they got set down."

"I know. Matthew's really annoying isn't he?" Benjamin quips even though he knows his father is talking about him.

Tobias laughs at that, and he's still laughing a few minutes later when he seizes Ben's remaining pieces and clears the board. Ben is pretty sure he chuckles something about him being his mother's son, too.

* * *

Really the last thing Tobias wants to be doing on any given Sunday is waking up early, driving to the opposite end of the city, and spending the day with the man Tris would have married if they had both stayed in Abnegation.

He only has one real memory of Robert, from the day he took the initiates out to the fence and he talked to Tris, touched her even, though she seemed uncomfortable with it. He has a few scattered memories of him at Amity, when they fled there, but he was so preoccupied with Marcus that it's just fleeting, faded images, like long lost pictures you've forgotten the details and context of.

But he was jealous that day, at the fence. Jealous because Robert could talk to and touch Tris in a way he couldn't. Jealous because he was 18 and falling in love and  _possession_  and  _territory_  were things he felt and thought about, like a spoiled child hoarding their toys away from other's greedy hands. It wasn't until later, much later, that he realized it wasn't greed, but fear - fear that someone would win Tris' love before he could, if he ever could - that made him feel those things.

That was a long time ago though. A decade and a family ago.

And he believes what Tris has told him; that Robert seems deeply in love with his wife, and that even if he wasn't a match between him and Tris would have been one of convenience, one of her marrying the least awful person she could because she would be expected to marry, eventually. It wouldn't have been love, like it is with him. It would have been only slightly better than an arranged marriage, and there's nothing to be jealous of in that.

Still, he'd rather be spending his Sunday in bed, even if it does come with three kids and a dog now. He loves their Sunday routine of not changing out of their sleep clothes, and having a late breakfast, and just laying around the house, not least of which because with those three kids sleep is a precious commodity. He and Tris are only just starting to feel human again, now that Sophie's crying fits - which peaked at six weeks like most newborn's - are slowly ebbing.

And Sunday, after all, is supposed to be a day of rest, a day of family, not work.

But 'work' is really why he's here. Sure, Robert has invited Tris out to his little hamlet several times, but it was Johanna telling him that he really needed to come out here that has him and Tris packing up the kids and the dog, and making the trek. Tris' connection to him - their sort-of friendship, if nothing else - is just a good cover story, if it comes to that.

Once they get off the paved roads that are well maintained because they're more frequently used it's a bumpy ride, even going slowly, and he thinks it would upset Sophie if not for the fact that he eyes are wide with wonder at the passing scenery, since she's finally at that age where she can see things that aren't literally a foot in front of her face.

It takes them a while - and many miles of bumpy, crumbling paved roads, and simple pitted dirt roads - but they finally find the little knot of four houses they were looking for. The first one they pass is a single story one, with a low pitched room, a wide porch and red walls; the second's roofline is as tall as the crown of the ancient oak tree that shades it, and painted a bright, artificial green, like technicolor grass; the last two are simple two story rectangles, one painted white, the other the same blue as faded denim. The blue house is their destination.

"It seems like every time I see you, you've got another kid," Robert jokes, patiently waiting as Tris adjusts the swath of dark, olive green cloth wrapped around her that secures Sophie to her chest before reaching out to squeeze her hand affectionately.

It's still hot enough that Tris favors long skirts and tank tops, and Tobias can't help thinking the black of her clothes and green of the wrap only emphasises her and Sophie's coloring - pale skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes that only shine brighter even as they squint in the sunlight.

"It's hard to say no when we make such pretty babies," Tris says, her cheeks blushing, or maybe just flushing from the sun.

He shakes Tobias’ hand firmly before introducing his wife, Ashley. She’s shy, a little mousy, but has deep, rich, red hair that must draw attention to her in a way that is sure to be painful with her personality. Their daughter, Raleigh, seems shy too, half-hiding behind her parents until Robert coaxes her forward to introduce her to Benjamin who, he reminds her, is the same age she is and will be attending the same school as her when the new school year starts in a few days.

Like her mother she has red hair, though it's a more coppery shade, and she only gives Benjamin fleeting looks before Bandy noses her way between the two children.

"Can I pet her?" she asks with a tentative whisper, fingers fidgeting at her side.

"Uh-huh," Ben says, uncharacteristically tongue-tied.

It takes a little while, but the dog seems to be all the social lubrication the kids need, and before long smiles have blossomed on both their faces as they chat and the dog wags her stub like she in heaven with two sets of hands petting her short, sleek coat.

"So, Johanna's really impressed with what you guys are doing out here," Tobias says, hinting at the real reason they're here.

"She's been very helpful," Robert says modestly. "But it's certainly been an adventure, living without the convenience of modern technology."

"Not entirely," Tobias says, looking to the solar panels arranged on the roof of their house.

"There is that," Robert chuckles. "But we've had to do without a lot of other things. Would you like a tour?" he offers.

"Sure."

Robert leads the way around the side of the house, his wife's hand laced with his own. They pass another huge oak tree and come out along a small garden, fragrant with flowers and herbs. There's a large chicken coop at the other end, and Robert explains that though they keep larger animals as a community, each family is responsible for their own smaller animals such as chickens and rabbits.

They have a common field too, which is the next place Robert leads them. "This looks different from Amity," Tobias comments. "The fields are more uniform there."

Robert smiles. "Yeah, we're doing things a little differently here. Amity still uses factory farming techniques - chemical fertilizers and pesticides and machines for harvesting. It works in it's way, but those are things we're trying not to rely on," he says, giving Tobias a look that lets them both know exactly what they're talking about even if they can't say it outright.

"So what are you doing instead?" Tris asks.

"A lot of things," Robert says, motioning them to follow as he makes his way towards a stand of corn. It's not like any field of corn Tobias has seen - not that he's an expert on them -, but instead of neat, even rows, tidily formed there are a tangle a plants growing up around the corn stalks.

"We're utilizing a lot of ancient farming techniques, what we know of them anyway. This for instance, is called a 'Three Sister's' planting,". The corn acts as a stake for the beans to grow on, and the squash growing here, at the bottom," he says crouching down and pushing aside some leaves so they can see the gourds, "protects from pests and drought. We'll eat some fresh, of course, but in the winter the corn and beans will be an important source of protein, and the squash is loaded with vitamins and minerals."

They walk further into the field, Robert pointing out more 'companion plantings' as he calls them; there are patches of melons interplanted between the crops of corn - since apparently they grow better for the proximity - with tall, cheery sunflowers shading them during the hottest parts of the day, and marigolds to protect them from bugs and beetles; tomato plants live next to basil and chives; green beans and summer squash are running rampant and becoming something of a pest themselves, Robert jokes.

Not every experiment is a success, some crops are failing to flourish, or just failing outright. "There's a learning curve," Robert says contemplatively, scratching at his beard. "Our yield this year will be lower than you'd normally expect, for a lot of reasons, probably."

"Like what?" Tobias asks.

"This was virgin land for a long time before we started cultivating it. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not," he shrugs. "We didn't have a chance to do cover crops this winter, so we missed out on an important way of feeding the land so it can feed us."

Tobias has to work hard not to roll his eyes at Robert's phrasing.

"We'll do that this year though, in addition to adding compost and mulch, which will add even more back into the land. Some of it just wasn't pollinating though, so we're going to try to bring in some honey bees, aid the process as much as possible. We've been lucky this year with the weather, but if we have a drought year that could be a problem. We're trying to figure out a way to capture and store rainwater, snow - anything we can, really."

They slowly work their way back towards the houses. Matthew gets tired and cranky since it's a lot of walking for someone his size, and Tobias ends up carrying him, piggyback, past fields with more fruits and vegetables, and then fenced pasture-lands; horses and goats grazing side by side.

"We're using actual horse power to harvest the fields," Robert jokes and even Tris rolls her eyes at that one.

"I forgot just how bad your puns are," she teases.

"And I forgot just how sharp your tongue is," he teases back.

As they have been the entire time Benjamin and Raleigh and Bandy are bringing up the rear. She still seems to be a little quiet and shy and Benjamin, whether he knows it or not, is mirroring her behavior. But they seem to be having their own conversation too, as children do in the presence of adults; Raleigh pointing out the things that are important to her as they walk around, and Benjamin offering whatever comments and keeping the dog - and consequently, the girl - close.

"This is our ice house," Robert says, leading them to a strange, conically shaped building, half buried in the ground. And and 'ice house' is exactly what it is: a house in which to store ice. "We cut it during the winter, packed it in here with straw and sawdust for insulation, and use it for refrigeration. Right now we all use this same big one, but we're thinking of making smaller ones for each home this winter, testing if it can keep the ice frozen all year like this one does."

"Impressive," Tris says, shivering in her light summer clothes in a room that feels like a winters day.

Finally they make it back to Robert's house. It's a simple building. The downstairs has a living room, kitchen, and a full bathroom. Upstairs are two bedrooms and a bathroom with a toilet and sink. Despite the solar panels on the roof they use a wood stove for heating and cooking and boiling water. The water they use for washing and bathing is used to water their garden and the few fruit trees surrounding their house when they're done with it. There's a panty, and a 'root cellar' under the floor of the kitchen for storing food. There are only a few electric lights.

It's sparse living, but they seem to be happy with it. As Robert leads them around the house Tobias shares a look with Tris, but all she does is shake her head subtly. By the time they finish touring the rooms Sophie is fussing hungrily and Tris asks if she can use one of the bedrooms so she can nurse her.

"Of course," Ashley says more bold than she's been all day. She takes Tris gently by the elbow and leads her into the bedroom at the back of the house. "If you'd like to rest, please…" she trails off, her hand raised offeringly towards the bed.

Matthew stays with her and once Tris is settled the rest of their party goes back downstairs. "So, Benjamin, your mother tells me you like to swim," Robert mentions casually.

"I do," he confirms, though confused by the sudden turn of the conversation.

"Well we just so happen to have a pond that's perfect for swimming. And this might be one of the last fine days for it, if you'd like to swim, that is."

"Can I?" Ben asks, looking to Tobias pleadingly.

"I don't see why not," he shrugs.

"It's this way," Raleigh says, offering him her hand and tugging him out the backdoor.

Robert and Tobias follow after them, and sure enough there's a quaint, beautiful, stream-fed pond in glittering in the sun. It's clear someone - Robert - spent some time moving rocks and fashioning the pool a little more than nature had, but it's subtle and still natural looking. The kids barely stop at the edge, hastily tugging off their shoes - and in Ben's case, his shirt as well - before jumping in. Bandy paces nervously around the edge, barking at them for a few minutes before jumping in as well.

"I didn't know the dog could swim," Tobias says, something between a scoff and laugh caught in his throat.

"At least if she can't the kids won't let her drown," Robert says.

They chat about inconsequential things for a while before Tobias finally asks what he's really been curious about for a while. "Why did you come back?"

"A lot of reasons," Robert says slowly, his gaze fixed on the kids as they splash and play. "Susan for one; I didn't want her to be so alone anymore. And things on the outside… they're not always so great; I wanted to keep my family safe."

"It's not always safe here," Tobias points out. 

"I know. Johanna told me about what happened. Is the Bureau really talking about extending the fence around Amity?"

"That's one of the things they're talking about," Tobias says slowly. "They're talking about rebuilding Amity inside the fence somewhere too. That could work more in our favour, in the long-run."

"So you think it's a good idea to break away from the Bureau, like Johanna does?"

"I think… it's complicated," Tobias says hesitatingly.

"The work we're doing here-"

"-Feeding ourselves is the first step," Tobias agrees, cutting him off. "But there's so much more to it than that."

They let the conversation drop. It's the better part of an hour before Tris appears again, Matthew rubbing at his eyes sleepily like he just woke up from a nap, and Sophie's eyes heavy like she's just getting ready for one.

"Your turn," Tris says, handing her off to Tobias and pecking a kiss to his temple before taking Matthew over to the pond too. She doesn't get in, just wades through the stream feeding it with Matthew; it seems to be enough for him.

They share a lunch of BLT sandwiches and fresh watermelon, and probably the best strawberry pie Tobias has ever tasted for desert; Ashley blushes as red as the berries when he tells her so.

Surprisingly, or maybe not, Raleigh follows Ben and Bandy all the way to the car, standing up on her tip-toes so she can keep petting the dog and talking to him until the moment the car starts moving.

"What do you think?" Tris asks quietly, once the houses have disappeared from view.

"I think getting people to build their own personal ice houses and sawing blocks of ice out of the lake every winter is going to be a hard sell."

~~xxxx~~

"You got sunburned today," Tobias says, pinching the red splotch on Ben's cheek gently.

"Stop," Benjamin whines, hiding under his blankets.

"You've been awfully quiet ever since we got back," as he says, tugging the duvet down.

"Just tired," Ben mutters, curling onto his side, yawning.

"Okay," Tobias says quietly, sitting on the bed and leaning over to brush Ben's fringe off his forehead. "At least you get one more day of sleeping in before you go back to school."

"Do you think Raleigh will be in my class this year?"

"I don't know," Tobias answers honestly.

"I hope so. She's really nice… And pretty. I like her red hair," he babbles, right on the edge of sleep. "Maybe she can come over and play with Bandy and me someday."

"Maybe," Tobias says quietly, though not without some effort. "Goodnight, Ben."

"Night, Dad," he sighs.

Tobias closes the door quietly, checks in on Matthew briefly, and then makes a beeline for third floor where he knows Tris is. And he finds her, already in the bathtub, Sophie cuddled against her chest as they bathe together.

"I thought I'd save you the trouble," Tris explains before looking up and taking notice of Tobias' shit-eating grin. "What are you so happy about?"

"I wouldn't say happy, per se," he says, pulling his shirt off over his head. "But I think you should know your son is very much in love. We might have to send wedding announcements out soon."

"Is that so?"

"It is," he says, shimmying out of his pants. "He likes red hair, and I'm pretty sure he's planning on exploiting Raleigh's affection for Bandy for all it's worth."

"That might be the cutest thing I've ever heard," Tris laughs, scooting so that Tobias can slip into the tub behind her.


	9. Election Day (M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, this has been a rough week, so hopefully you guys enjoy the chapter, and *yay* for more FourTris smut :)

Tobias wakes to a thin, high wail. Lately Sophie wakes up babbling, not crying, and the fact that she is now means her parents have slept through her other attempts at waking them up.

"I've got her," Tobias murmurs as Tris stirs awake. She's back to sleep before he's even out of bed.

Their room is chilly and dark, illuminated only from the light on behind the partially closed bathroom door. As he steps around the bed to scoop Sophie up from her bassinet where it's tucked against Tris' side he flicks on the electric fireplace, adding it's warm, orangey glow to the room.

Sophie starts to quiet as soon as she's pressed against the broad, bare plane of Tobias' chest. He creeps downstairs, whispering little things to her to soothe her.

"You're almost sleeping through the night now," he says conversationally as he fixes her a bottle in the kitchen.

She goggles up him from where she's cradled against his chest, her eyes - identical to Tris' - wide and watchful.

"It will be nice when you don't wake us up anymore, but this is kinda nice too, isn't it? Just me and you and the bottle," he says as he carries her and it into the living room and settles on the couch.

As soon as he gets the nipple near her mouth she latches onto it, her little hands reaching up to clutch the bottle too. "Look at you, using your hands to grab things," he praises, smiling. Milestones for newborns are so small it's easy to overlook them, or dismiss them, but it's a big deal that she can raise her head; that she babbles, and smiles, and grabs things.

When Ben was just a baby Tris started keeping a scrapbook full of his 'firsts'; some pages are just filled with dates and little notes about things like the first time he laughed (when he peed on Tobias after a bath and Tris laughed so hard she cried), or the first time he kicked a ball (when he was 2, and promptly fell on his butt from the wild movement), but there are other things too, like a lock of his hair from his first haircut.

It's something they do for each other children, and even though Sophie is just barely three months old her book is already filling up with things like that. When the white-blonde hair she was born with fell out to make room for the pale, dirty blonde hair she has now Tris bundled some of it together and put it in the book. There are pictures that Matthew has drawn for her or of her, and hand and foot prints that Benjamin helped her press into the pages in vibrant - non-toxic - paint.

"I think you're going to be our smart little girl. I think you should know you come from a long line of smart, strong women," he whispers, and not for the first time thinking about Evelyn and wishing things were different, but knowing they never really will be. "And they'll all be very proud of you either way, but I think you're going to be just like them. And that's -"

"Dad?"

Tobias looks up to find Benjamin watching him from the stairs, his hair tousled crazily.

"Hey, Ben. What are you doing up?" he asks warmly.

"I'unno. Couldn't sleep, I guess," he shrugs and starts shuffling over, Bandy trotting dutifully after him since she goes wherever her little boy goes.

"Nightmares?"

Benjamin shakes his head and collapses on the couch next to Tobias.

"You want to try feeding her?" he offers.

"Okay," he yawns, rubbing the last of the sleep out of his eyes as Tobias starts shifting the baby over to him. It takes a minute to arrange a pillow on Ben's lap and then the baby and she starts getting fussy without the bottle in her mouth, but before she can start crying it's back again.

"Hold it up like this," Tobias demonstrates, tipping the bottle so there's less chance of air bubbles and therefore less chance of upset tummy's afterwards.

"You should talk to her," he encourages. "All you guys have liked being talked to as you nursed."

"What do I say?"

"Just tell her about your day. It doesn't matter, she'll like the sound of your voice."

"Um, okay," he says, as he licks his lips, trying to come up with something. "It was… uh… it was cold today. Really cold. And Raleigh forgot her scarf at home, so I gave her mine."

"That was very nice of you."

"It was cold," Benjamin shrugs like it's nothing.

"Anyway, she promised to give it back tomorrow," he continues, his words aimed at Sophie again. "I think you'd like Raleigh, Sophie. She's really quiet, but sometimes she says the funniest things. Like today, we were learning about owls and our teacher - he's got a weird accent - said 'owls are nocturnal' and Raleigh looked at him and said 'I already know owls aren't turtles' even though she knew what he really said. We laughed so hard we almost got in trouble," he says, laughing again at the memory.

Sophie's lips curl into a smile, not understanding a word her brother just said, but amused because he's laughing and she likes the happy noises he's making.

He keeps talking to her as she finishes the bottle, but he leaves the job of burping her up to Tobias. Just in case. Tobias keeps her sprawled against his chest afterwards, her fingers hooked around the ledge of his collarbone and her nose against the side of his neck, as he slips an arm around Benjamin and pulls him close too.

"Are you nervous about the election tomorrow?" he asks his dad sleepily, snuggling against him and drawing his knees up to the dog can squeeze into the last little bit of space left on the couch.

"A little," Tobias says honestly, smoothing his hand up and down Ben's arm. "It's been a long time since my name has been on a ballot."

"It's okay," Benjamin says reassuringly. "You're gonna win."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me."

And really, it's true. Even though there are four candidates for the Dauntless to vote on, Tobias probably won't have any trouble getting elected to one of their three seats on the Council. He's always been a popular choice and it's seems like only more so now, since stepping up after the bombing.

"We should have a party for you, when you do. With lots of cake."

It makes Tobias laugh because it makes him remember that he told Tris he'd only go to her funeral if there was cake, and right now it's easy to forget how close he came to losing her forever.

~~xxxx~~

The next time Tobias wakes it's to the sounds of running water and a happy baby. He stumbles into the bathroom attached to their bedroom to find Tris brushing her teeth with one hand and holding Sophie with the other.

"You're going to make her vain," Tobias teases, coming up behind them and pecking a kiss to the back of Tris' head.

She scowls at him in the mirror, her mouth full of toothpaste foam, but Sophie's mouth drops into a perfect 'o', her eyes wide and excited at seeing her father in the mirror and not understanding that he's standing right behind them. When she finally does realize it she shrieks excitedly and Tris winces.

"And you're going to make me deaf," she says after she swishes and spits. She scoots to the side so Tobias can brush his teeth too and Sophie can keep making faces at herself in the mirror.

"You know, the Abnegation ambassador told me I was making her selfish by 'spoiling' her with attention when she cried," she scoffs. "Apparently we're going about raising kids in all the wrong ways."

"What did you say?" Tobias asks around the toothbrush.

"I didn't have to say anything. The Amity ambassador was there too and she snapped that 'you can't spoil a baby'."

Tobias cocks an eyebrow at her in the mirror.

"I know. I was surprised too. I guess the Amity aren't always so nice when they're not stoned on bread all the time."

He snorts at that, inhaling some toothpaste in the process and bringing on a coughing fit that has both Tris and Sophie watching him with concern, their brows puckered and lips pinched identically.

"Are you okay?" Tris asks once it's finally passed.

"Fine," Tobias says a little breathlessly. "So you really didn't say anything to Abigail?" It's not the first time someone has said something like that to Tris, and it's kind of inevitable since she's taken each of their children to work with her as much as possible the first year of their lives, but comments like that never go over well, with either Tris or Tobias.

Tris shakes her head. "I told you, I didn't need to. Not that I didn't want to," she amends. "But letting Anita get in the middle of it was better."

"I would have told her to mind her own damn business," Tobias grumbles.

"And _that_ is why I'm an ambassador and you're not," Tris quips.

He swats her on the ass as she turns to head back to their bedroom.

"So, I thought since we can't work today 'to avoid even the appearance of electioneering'," he says, making air-quotes around the phrase, "I thought we could drop Matty off at daycare and go out for a while, just us."

"Tobias, are you asking me out on a date?" she asks, a smile slowly forming as she looks at him over her shoulder, the hand she had been digging around the closet with stilling and Sophie seemingly forgotten.

"Three kids and I can't take you out on a date now?" he asks, turning her around so he can kiss her. It's soft, lingering, and, for a brief second as their mouths open and tongues meet each other's teasingly, deep.

~~xxxx~~

"We should stop by Zeke and Shauna's afterwards; see if they need anything," Tris says as they walk from the elementary school, where they dropped off Benjamin, towards the Pire to cast their ballots.

"Okay."

Matthew, as usual, doesn't go willingly to daycare, but he seems to have passed the age where he has an all out tantrum. There's some crying and some whining, but no screaming. Tobias considers it a win.

They walk through the Pit hand-in-hand, Sophie in her carrier against Tobias' chest and backpack full of everything she'll need for a day out bouncing against his back with every step.

"You look nice today," Tobias compliments as they stand in line, waiting to vote, though he keeps his voice so quiet that only Tris can hear him.

"Stop," she says, blushing and fidgeting at her chunky gray scarf. She ducks her face too, probably trying to hide behind a curtain of hair that isn't there because she's pulled it up into a messy bun.

"It's true, you do," he persists as they shuffle a few steps closer to the large table where they'll sign in to confirm that they've voted and be given their anonymous ballots.

Most of the people in the hall - Tobias included - are wearing black head-to-toe. It just makes Tris stand out even more, because even though she's wearing black jeans, and Dauntless-looking black boots that lace up her knees, she's got on a henley striped in dark coral and grey that's long enough to cover her hips under her black leather jacket. She looks striking, and he's reminded again of all the things that drew his eyes to her the first time. 

Since Tris is ahead of him in line she signs her name to the register first, but Tobias can't help smiling when he signs next, penning how own name on the line immediately under Tris' elegantly inscribed 'Beatrice Eaton'.

"So, did you vote for me?" he asks once he's dropped his ballot in the lock-box and joined her where she is waiting for him. He expects her to say something teasing, but all she does is push up on her toes, kiss his cheek, and say "of course," before taking his hand again.

They stop by Zeke and Shauna's apartment, but either they're not home or they're not answering the door. Tris and Tobias don't linger just in case it's the latter.

"At least Brynn is home now," Tris says as they ride the elevator back down. "I always still guilty though, about Sophie and the boys being so healthy. And I feel worse when I realize how lucky we've been."

"Yeah, me too," Tobias sighs, squeezing her hand.

They drive through the city in silence, Sophie held safely in Tris' arms. It's a grey day, the sky a threatening slate color despite the fact that it's not cold enough for it to snow, yet. It might be one of the last snow-free days of the year actually, so before they continue on to their destination, they go to Navy Pier and walk around for a while, marveling again at the lake. It's only been a year since it's reached the shore again, and every change in it is still new and exciting.

They stop by their Ferris Wheel too, Tris looking fondly at the contraption despite the fact it tried to kill her. "I hope they get it working again someday," she sighs.

An hour later, they drive past the Hub. It looks empty and forlorn on a day it would otherwise be bustling with people. Obviously, it's not their destination either, but a small, inconspicuous street a few blocks away is. It's home to a number of cafes, restaurants, and take-out places that normally serve Hub workers.

Tris' favourite is place simply called 'Bangor's'. Every time she has to come to the Hub for business that is where she likes to eat, so that's where Tobias parks in front of. If not for the 'open' sign hanging in the window it would be easy to think it's closed, the inside looks so dim through the tinted windows.

It's empty today of course, save for the staff, and when they walk inside the door banging closed echoes harshly. Tobias can't deny that he likes the place immediately. Like their home it's in a centuries old building, the brick of the walls darkened with age, and the solid wood of the counters and tables and booths patinaed with countless hands that have graced them over the years. It's a space that warm and inviting and intimate; homey, even.

Someone - the owner, Tobias suspects - strides out the swinging door leading to the kitchen, and tells them to sit wherever they'd like as he starts preparing something behind the massive counter and display case. Tris and Tobias choose a high-backed booth in the far corner; they might be nearly alone, but they like the extra privacy.

A minute after they shed their bags and coats the owner deposits small bowls of crisp, fresh greens tossed in oil and vinegar, a warm basket of bread, and carafe of water as well as menus, smiling all the while as Sophie takes this new person in.

"You'll have to tell me what's good here," Tobias says, perusing the choices.

"You've never eaten here?"

"Lisa or Landon just get everyone sandwiches whenever we send them here," he replies, shaking his head. "They say it takes too long to get an actual meal."

"That's true," Tris says non-committally. "They bring everything in courses, so it takes time."

"So how do you manage it?"

"I usually just invite whoever I'm meeting with out to lunch and we have our meeting here," she shrugs.

After they order they can hear the kitchen staff banging around and chatting as they work. Tobias doesn't think it should take as long as it normally does, considering they're the only ones in the place, but they still have time to leisurely eat their salad and bread before the next course arrives. It's a small omelette, fragrant with herbs and rich with cheese. Tobias divides and plates it for each of them as Tris fixes cups of mint tea from the steaming pot delivered freshly with their food.

"This is really good," Tobias comments.

"I know," Tris smiles. "Is she asleep yet?" she asks, pointing to Sophie with her fork.

"Getting there, I think," he answers, looking down to find Sophie's eyes heavy. She's fighting to keep them open, to take in this wondrous new place, but it's a losing battle.

Tobias rubs her back soothingly with his free hand, coaxing her towards her nap. "She's such an easy baby," Tris murmurs, looking plaintively across the table between them.

"Come over here," Tobias says, scooting down the bench and moving his dishes. Tris does the same, resettling against him. "This is better," he says once she's next to him again.

Once the baby is asleep and their plates are clear of food they bow their heads together, holding hands under the table as they talk.

"You really do look nice today," Tobias reiterates.

"Thank you," Tris says quietly, finally accepting the compliment. "You've been saying that a lot, you know, since she was born."

He smiles at her. "You've been happy. It's a good look for you."

"Of course I'm happy," Tris says, bewildered. "I mean I'm tired, and stressed-out sometimes, but so are you. It's not easy, and I'm only just now feeling like myself again, but I meant what I said, at the hospital, about not wanting this with someone else. It makes it worthwhile."

Tobias kisses her full on the mouth for that, and they only break apart when they hear the kitchen door swing open again. If their server is confused by them rearranging themselves he doesn't comment on it, just sets down the platter in front of them, politely asks them if they need anything else, and disappears behind the door again.

Tris lets loose a little moan as she takes the first bite of the halved chicken they're sharing, the chilled relish of cucumber, tomato, olive, and basil mixing perfectly with it's crispy skin and tender meat.

"Are you happy?" Tris asks while they eat, their forks occasionally colliding.

It takes Tobias a long time to answer, but when he does he says, "I'm so happy that I'm constantly terrified something bad is going to happen. I don't think people are allowed to be this happy without consequences." Even his voice sounds paranoid, like just saying the words is enough to bring on some sort of disaster.

Tris watches him sadly for a moment before saying, "you're wrong," and kissing his cheek.

They move onto lighter topics for the rest of the meal. Sophie stirs awake as they nibble on slices of apple while they wait for their dessert to be served. It's so much easier to feed her now that they can use bottles instead of Tris having to nurse her every time she wants to eat.

Of course, despite the fact she's not eating solid foods yet, Tris still slips her a tiny spoonful of her frozen hot chocolate, both her and Tobias laughing at the enraptured look on Sophie's face when she tastes that luxury for the first time.

"You know, I really think the Dauntless recruiting slogan should be 'We have chocolate cake', and if we handed out samples it probably wouldn't hurt either," Tris says, laughing, and giving her daughter another taste, this time complete with a little whipped cream.

"I'm sure initiation numbers would go through the roof then," Tobias smirks.

~~xxxx~~

Tobias is startled to look at his watch and find that it's already early afternoon by the time they leave Bangor's; he can't remember the last meal that he didn't just shove in his mouth as quickly as he could, his presence or attention required elsewhere, whether he's been at work or at home. It's a nice change.

It feels like it takes them no time at all to get back to the Pire and though they debate picking Matthew up, Tris reasons that it will be better to pick him up before they meet Benjamin at the end of his school-day.

While Tobias lets the dog out for a few minutes Tris takes Sophie upstairs to put her down in her nursery. She won't be spending the night in there for few more months at least, but they try to make her crib a familiar, happy place where she wants to spend time and, obviously, a place she's comfortable enough to sleep in.

There's a small baby-safe mirror attached to the slats on side and the mobile above, as well as a sound machine that projects an ever changing landscape of colors and shapes on the wall, all of which keep her entertained for a while, and usually by the time it doesn't she's tired enough to fall asleep in there anyway.

Tris is just sneaking out of the nursery when Tobias gets to the landing outside the door. She smiles when she turns around and sees him there, her lips just parting to say something to him when he backs her against the wall and kisses her.

Her arms vine around his neck, a whimper trapped in her throat and held there by his lips on hers. Even when he pulls away, it's just to blaze a trail of kisses down her neck to the wide cut of her shirt where it exposes the edge of tattoos.

And even though he started this, Tris is one who pushes him back just enough to stumble towards their bedroom, both their hands pulling at the other's clothes desperately. When Tris collapses onto the bed, Tobias pulls her boots off while toeing his own off awkwardly, and then he's on her again, pressing her body into the mattress with his own.

She moans when she spreads her legs and cradles him against her, and all he can think is that it's been  _so long._  It's easy in the day-to-day rush of their lives to forget that they have barely had any time together, alone; not with jobs and kids and everything else demanding their attention and energy.

"I've missed you," he mumbles against the swell of her breast where it's exposed above her bra once he's got her shirt off.

He knows from experience that he needs to go slow, but really all he wants to do is bury himself inside her and revel in the feel of his skin against hers for the first time in months. Still, he knows if he doesn't she'll hurt, so he slinks down her body, tugging off her jeans and underwear and socks before climbing back up, his lips leading the way to the apex of her thighs. Her back bows off the bed at the first swipe of his tongue across her folds.

Tobias has to hold her down by her hips as licks at her, her body writhing above him as his tongue flicks across her clit and his stubble rasps against her thighs. He watches her narrowly, looking for any signs of discomfort as he slips first one finger, then another inside her experimentally. If the flood of wetness it coaxes out of her and the way she reaches down to knot one hand in his hair and fondle her breast with the other is anything to go by, it doesn't hurt a bit.

Tris tries to push him away when she gets close to coming, always wanting him inside her when she does, but Tobias persists, if only because he's not sure he could last long enough to get her off otherwise.

Her entire body is flushed and her eyes are glassy when he finally pulls away, wiping his mouth hastily as he practically rips his pants off. As soon as he does she reaches out for him entreatingly, drawing him back into her embrace.

She kisses him deeply, moaning and clutching at his shoulders as he thrusts against her, the ridge of his cock catching on the hooded cleft of her clit as he spreads her wetness around himself. By the time he slowly pushes inside her she's on the edge of coming a second time. It's enough to make his hips shudder and surge forward, heedless of whatever his brain is trying to tell them about going slowly.

He thrusts into her unevenly, and a little more deeply with each pass. It only takes a few bare minutes before he feels her walls contract around him, her mouth tearing away from his and opening in silent scream as pleasure crashes through her like a wave. Tris' whole body is shaking and covered in a thin layer of sweat by the time it's done.

"I love you," she babbles, breathless, still mired in the rush of it all.

"I love you too," Tobias grits out, more from trying to hold off his own climax than the short, shallow thrusts of his movements.

Tris comes back to herself slowly and when she does he's right there waiting for her, his movement small and controlled. Her hands work their way into his hair, and eventually her lips meet his again, too.

The thrusts of their tongues mimic the way he's thrusting inside her, at first languid and exploring, enjoying the reunion, and then more insistent, urging him towards his own end, and finally, deeply, demandingly, the same way she tells him she wants to feel him come inside her. He does, with a cry barely muffled against her shoulder.

They stay tangled together afterwards, neither one willing to break the connection. Eventually they do though, needing to get back to the life that exists outside their bedroom door. But when they meet Zeke in the crowd in front of the school, waiting to pick Zoey up, pink cheeked and still ardent - as much as they are in public - from their lovemaking, they're on the receiving end of a very sarcastic eyeroll and a comment about it being 'good to know you're busy making baby number 4 on your day off'.

* * *

Benjamin has never been called out of class before, so when the teacher tells him he's wanted in the front office and he should take his things with him because he won't be coming back today, he's confused and panicked, thinking something is wrong.

Raleigh gives him a sympathetic smile from across the room, but the rest of the class all look at him confused. He can feel their eyes on him as he packs his bag and pulls his coat on.

The hallways feel different without any other kids in them, strange in their emptiness. He catches snippets of teachers talking in the other classrooms as he passes them. He half expects one of them to peek their head out and demand to know what he's doing. He clutches the hall pass tighter at the thought.

By the time he makes it to the office his stomach is filled with dread, a dread that's only made more specific and real by what happened that day coming back from Amity, but when he steps through the door Tris is there, smiling gently while she keeps Sophie entertained with a small toy and Matthew flips through picture books on the table beside her.

"Do you have all your stuff?" she asks crisply, already standing and shoving the toy back into the giant bag she carries around with her.

Benjamin nods in confirmation, now just confused. He takes the hand Tris offers to him and they walk out the door to the main hallway and then out the front doors to the street, his confusion growing exponentially when he sees the car waiting for them.

"Where are we going?"

"The Hub," she says, opening the door and taking his backpack so he can climb inside. Matthew's next, and then once he's buckled in, Tris follows.

"Hello, Benjamin," Amar greet, smiling at him in the rear-view mirror.

"Hi," Ben smiles back. He doesn't see Amar as much as he sees his Uncle Zeke, but he likes him just the same.

"Why are we going to the Hub?"

"To surprise your dad," Tris answers.

Before he can ask any more questions Amar diverts him, gets him talking about all the things that have happened since he last saw him right after Sophie was born this summer.

It's almost Christmas time again, and soon after that there will be another New Year's hockey game on the lake. No one knows what teams are going to play since they'll be doing a lottery for the honor this year, but Benjamin hopes one of them is the Warriors; he liked skating on real ice a lot.

There are people rushing in and out of the Hub, busily going about their days, when Amar stops in front of it. Benjamin leaves his bag in the car since it's the same one they'll be taking home. As they cross the street Tris keeps a firm grip on both his and Matthew's hands. It's the first time Sophie has been to the Hub though, and from her perch on Tris' chest where the carrier keeps her, she tips back as much as she can, looking up at it until it disappears in the clouds swirling around the upper floors.

Tris bypasses the elevators and instead leads them to a stairwell. They only walk up a few floors before exiting. It's been so long since Benjamin has been here and he's so busy looking at everything he forgets to ask his mother why they're going into the room marked Council Chamber in the first place.

When they walk inside though he smiles big, seeing his father standing on the dais along with the other council members and a man in long black judges robes. He can tell his father is shocked to see them there, but then a wide smile breaks across his face.

Luckily, a pair of Abnegation men give up their seats to them. Matthew tries to squish onto the seat Benjamin claims, but eventually just crawls onto his lap, fussing a little that he's not on Tris' instead. As they watch, the council members take the oath of their office, each one swearing to uphold a long list of things that Ben doesn't think they could remember if they had to recite it from memory instead of simply repeating what the judge says.

"Why are they swearing them in now?" Ben asks, his voice a whisper. "The election was a long time ago."

"It's just how it's done," Tris says simply. "This is their last day before the winter recess, and when they come back they can go right to work."

"Oh."

It's not much longer after that, that the last person is sworn in and everyone politely claps. Benjamin is practically vibrating in his seat, wanting to run up to his dad, and he does, as soon as Tobias waves him over.

He winds his way through the crowd, probably impolitely, and he'll probably earn himself a scolding for it, but he doesn't care. He bounds up the short flight of stairs to the dais and practically jumps into his father's arms.

"What are you doing here?" Tobias asks, surprised and pleased. Benjamin doesn't have a chance to answer before Tris is reaching around him to kiss Tobias.

"I told you not to bring them," he chastises. "It's not a big deal."

"You did, but I brought them anyway because you're wrong," she murmurs. "They should be here for this. We're all proud of you…"

She says other things too, things that Benjamin doesn't catch because she says them just loud enough for his father to hear, but whatever she says makes Tobias hug her and bury his face in her neck for a moment before kissing her again.

They break apart at the sound of someone clearing their throat pointedly.

The smile that had been on Tobias' face drops suddenly, his entire demeanor shifting at the sight of a gaunt woman standing there, looking at him expectantly.

"What are you doing here?" he says lowly.

Benjamin tries to sneak around his father's side to get a better look at her, but Tobias blocks him with a hand and Tris pulls him back by her side, her arm protectively resting on his chest, the same way she's shielding Matthew too. If she had a third arm she'd probably be doing it to Sophie too, but Ben supposes her carrier keeps her close enough to Tris as it is.

"I just wanted to congratulate you," she says, her voice strained.

"Thank you," Tobias says coldly.

"Hello, Beatrice," the woman says, leaning around Tobias to look at Tris.

Tris inhales sharply, her back straightening like the woman just insulted her. It's not often that Benjamin hears his mother addressed by her full name, but he's never seen it have that effect on her before.

"I am… so, so proud, seeing you up here, Tobias -"

"Thank you, again," he says, cutting her off before turning on his heel and scooping Matthew up into his arms. "If you'll excuse us, we have other things to attend to. Family things."

Benjamin gets one last look at the woman before Tobias takes his hand and starts leading their family away, but he doesn't miss the look of contempt she shoots his mother, nor the open disgust Tris regards her with.

"Who was that?" Ben asks his dad, once they're out the door and walking towards the private elevator that will take them to the upper floors where the council-members have their offices.

"My mother."


	10. Secrets (T)

Tris isn't sure why this meeting is being held at their house.

No, actually, she does.

They needed some place big and private and their house fit the bill. It would raise suspicion if there was a caravan of cars heading out to Amity, considering the increased security at the gate and on the road. And if they had the meeting at Harrison's - which as a one-bedroom apartment isn't big enough anyway - they would be caught on the Dauntless security cameras.

So the decision was made to offer up their home as a venue for the seditious meeting they're holding. Not that Tris or Tobias are completely comfortable with hosting it in the place where their children sleep. Before they had decided to hold it here he had insisted that she not attend at all, that - if things went 'shit side up', as he put it - at least their children would have one parent who wasn't in jail. Or summarily executed as a traitor.

That weighs heavy on Tris' conscience. She should have listened to Tobias. Or he should have let her be the one put herself in the (figurative) cross-hairs. That conversation was a non-starter though, to say the least. But she couldn't stomach the idea, and, considering how little Tobias fought her on it, she thinks he couldn't either. It's selfish - the most selfish thing either of them have ever done, probably - but it is what it is.

There's a loud thump from upstairs where the children are playing, and her hand stills, kettle suspended in midair, as she waits for the sound of tears. There aren't any, but she'll go check on them anyway, just to be sure.

She gives Susan and Ashley a small, tight smile as she passes them where they sit at the dining room table, knitting. It isn't the first time either woman have been in the house, but they are still uniformly uncomfortable with it, if the way they are sitting rigidly in the chairs is anything to go by.

"How are you feeling?" she asks Christina after she rouses her from where she's stretched out on one of the couches bracketing the fireplace. She's been there since they got back from visiting Candor.

"Like death warmed up," she grumbles, pushing herself upright.

"It gets better, I promise," Tris smirks offering her the cup of tea.

"You're lying," Christina says flatly before eyeing the cup suspiciously.

"It's just chamomile with a little honey."

"Good, because I've thrown up enough ginger, and peppermint tea to last a lifetime."

Christina takes a few cautious sips and when her stomach doesn't immediately cramp she sighs in relief.

"How in the hell did you do this three times?" she asks, leaning back against the couch with a groan.

"I just did," Tris shrugs. "And the morning sickness was really only bad with Matthew. With Ben and Sophie I was just exhausted and had awful headaches as long as I wasn't around anything that triggered the nausea."

"So I hit the trifecta of misery, then?" Christina jokes, making Tris smile.

"Guess so," Tris says noncommittally.

"Uriah better be happy with one kid, because I'm not doing this again," Christina mumbles as she brings the cup to her lips for another sip.

Tris squeezes her knee affectionately and excuses herself upstairs.

As much as Christina grouses Tris knows she's happy too; it's just hard to be exuberant when you're vomiting and tired and feel like you've got a marching band banging away at the inside of your skull.

Tris tip-toes upstairs, trying not to draw attention to herself. She doesn't want to disturb the children, just check on them. And they seem happy enough. Raleigh and Matthew are in front of the gas fireplace putting together a puzzle, Bandy curled tightly against her side, while Ben and Zoey play a board game at the coffee table and Shauna lounges on the couch behind them.

Shauna has her legs on today, a newer model that Cara and Matthew gifted her that is less cumbersome and makes taking all the stairs in Tris and Tobias' house a breeze. They're all so engrossed in their activities that they don't notice Tris at all as she passes through on the stairs, surreptitiously taking inventory of all the people in her house.

The last ones she checks on are the youngest. Sophie and Brynn are napping together in Sophie's crib. Tris is careful to keep her footsteps quiet as she crosses the room, though it's unnecessary at the moment; up here on the third floor the rainstorm that has been lashing the city all day is loud, so loud she's amazed the babies can sleep through it, but they are.

Tris reaches out and caresses her daughter's cheek. She had her first birthday over the summer. They had a party in the backyard for her, their friends and family gathered around, and as Tobias held her on his lap and everyone sang Happy Birthday she reached out and tried to grab the flame of the single candle on her cake, burning herself before anyone could stop her. It wasn't a bad burn, but there was still tears and a blister. Tris hopes that is all the pain Sophie ever experiences in life, but she knows there will be more; a knife across her palm if nothing else.

She pushes the thoughts away though and thinks happier things. Sophie is already walking, something Tris wasn't entirely sure would happen considering how much Tobias carried her around - and something Tris is always quick to point out to him, considering he used to say the same thing of her and Matthew. But, like her brother's Sophie took her first tottering steps when she was 10 months old, and by the time her birthday rolled around she was walking on her own. Maybe not gracefully, but she was doing it.

Sophie's talking now too. "Mama" and "Dada" might be the only words she says with any frequency, but she tries very hard to imitate the sounds she hears the people around her making. More often than not when Tris is home alone with her, she'll narrate all the things she's doing for Sophie's benefit. Sophie will watch her, her little face screwed up in concentration and then let loose with a string of babble that usually makes absolutely no sense, but makes both of them smile proudly nonetheless.

The sound of the dog barking startles Tris out of her reverie, and though both Sophie and Brynn snuffle in their sleep neither ones wakes. She goes back downstairs, lost in her thoughts and only vaguely aware that the kids are thundering down to the first floor ahead of her. When she gets there herself she emerges into something of a melee. Tobias is there, half drenched from the storm, Robert and Johanna too.

As Tris fetches them towels to help dry off more people arrive; first Zeke and Uriah, and then Harrison. They're still waiting on a few others, but where the mood before was subdued, now it's all excitement. Tobias has a son hanging onto each leg and Zoey is practically jumping up and down in front of Zeke, eager to tell him about her day; even Raleigh, who is normally so quiet it's easy to forget she's there, is speaking loudly, her eyes shining and her smile wide.

Tris and Tobias exchange a quiet greeting once he's shaken the kids off, and he tells her he's going to go change with the rueful smile and a tug at the soaked lapels of his suit jacket.

There really isn't much for Tris to do after that, Ashley and Susan having insisted that they would do the cooking and cleaning tonight since Tris and Tobias offered up their house. Still, Tris finds ways to help, if for no other reason than keeping busy so her nerves don't have the chance to get the better of her. Her and Johanna slice loaves of crusty bread and fill pitchers with water and iced tea while Ashley and Susan add the finishing touches to the soup they have burbling on the stove.

By the time Tobias comes back downstairs - freshly changed and carrying a still sleepy Sophie in his arms - they're setting up an assembly line of bowls; Susan ladling out the soup, Ashley topping them with a crumbly cheese, and Harrison carrying them out to the tables everyone is settling around. Even with two tables it's a tight fit, seating almost twenty people between the adults and the kids.

The soup is unexpectedly hearty, a mix of potatoes and kale and other winter vegetables mingled with sliced sausage, and sopped up with bread. Tris sees Christina scrunch her nose up at it across the table and, when Uriah finishes his bowl, they quietly trade so he can finish her's too. Tris gives her a sympathetic smile, but all she gets in return is a grimace. Uriah has much better luck coaxing a smile out of her when he slips an arm around Christina's shoulders and pulls her close, murmuring something in her ear that Tris can't hear over the din of conversation around them.

Christina doesn't really perk up until dessert though, when she inhales a slice of the apple crumb cake Johanna brought and looks so longing at the slice of it on Uriah's plate that he gives that to her too, and contents himself instead with a slice of the chocolate cake Harrison brought.

Once everyone is fed and the dishes have been at least cleared if not washed, Susan ushers the kids back upstairs, out of earshot, because the things they're about to talk about definitely can't be repeated outside their house, at least for the time being.

"Should we wait for her?" Robert asks, his eyes fixed on the ceiling like he can see his sister through it.

"She said not to; she'll come back once the kids are occupied," Ashley says quietly, sitting next to her husband and looking around nervously, like she's not sure she should have opened her mouth in the first place.

"Okay, so, I have to ask, does anyone here trust the Bureau?"

Tobias scoffs, Zeke actually laughs, but mostly there's a chorus of murmured "no's" that echo around the room.

"Good. Now that's that out of the way, let's talk about getting away from them."

There are several areas that they've identified over the last year a half. Some of them, like food production, they already have a jump start on, and are well able to provide for themselves. Other areas, like energy production they're less so.

"Matthew and I have some ideas about that," Cara interjects.

"The city produces about sixty percent of it's electricity through solar panels - less so during the winter, but that doesn't matter," Matthew says, waving it off like it's that easy to dismiss. "If we build a biogas facility we can be completely energy independent."

He explains to them, briefly, what that means, how they can take the waste the city already produces (that usually ends up in a landfill doing no one any good), mix it with microorganisms and put it all in big tanks. As it breaks down, it creates gases that can be burned to create electricity.

"I've talked to some people in Erudite, and they think it can be done. It's just finding a site and getting the approval - all the bureaucratic stuff…," Cara says, trailing off.

"Let me talk to the other ambassadors, see if I can get the ball rolling," Tris says, looking thoughtful despite the fact that Sophie is clambering up into her lap. She's spent the last twenty minutes going between Tris and Tobias, always wanting to be in the other's arms despite her efforts.

"I should bring it up at the Council," Tobias says, cutting her off.

"No. Erudite will have to plan it; Abnegation and the Factionless will be in charge of building it along with them," Tris argues. "We need all of their support before it's put before the Council for approval. Once that happens, then you have to go to the Bureau and justify the expense and materials. You can't do everything. Let me do my job."

"Fine," Tobias huffs, giving in like he always seems to be doing when it comes to these things.

"So food, energy, what else?" Harrison prompts.

"Medicine and medical supplies," Tobias says. "We might be able to feed ourselves, but we're fu- screwed," he stumbles, remembering that both Sophie and Brynn are at the age they where they like to repeat words even if they don't know what they mean. "We're  _screwed_  if there's a flu epidemic or something."

"Erudite makes some of our medicines already," Johanna points out.

"Not enough; not all of it," Tobias says, his voice hard and unyielding.

"We used to though," Cara points out. "Vaccines, antibiotics, everything; every pill, syrup, and serum was produced by Erudite at one point. We can do it again."

"That is a much more complicated process," Harrison says grimly. "We'd have to lift certain restrictions that have been put in place since the war. And I don't know how we'd do that without tipping off everyone and their mother. And frankly - I'm just going to say it - I don't trust Erudite enough to bring them into this."

"I'm here, do you trust me?" Cara demands, sounding offended.

"You're different," Harrison counters.

"No, I'm not."

"Enough," Christina groans, clutching her forehead. "You two are killing me."

"What if we just… didn't tell them why we want them to do it again?" Susan asks, surprising Tris. She hadn't even noticed when Susan slipped back into the room. Of course her suggestion, given Susan's Abnegation upbringing, makes perfect sense from her point of view; silence, after all, is it's own weapon. "I mean… do they really have to know why?" she adds, looking flushed and embarrassed with everyone's eyes on her.

"I suppose not," Johanna says eventually, though the look on her face makes it plain that she doesn't like the suggestion.

"What would we even tell them?" Tris sighs, frustrated.

"That we're worried something will happen that will disrupt the shipments they send us already?" Shauna offers.

"They'll just send us extra, build up a surplus in the city," Uriah counters, one of his hands massaging the tension out of Christina's neck.

Everyone lapses into silence for a while, trying to come up with a convincing lie for both Erudite and Bureau. If anyone thinks of one they don't offer it.

"Let's move on," Tobias suggests eventually. "Because as big of a problem as that is, we have bigger ones too."

* * *

"What do you think they're talking about?" Raleigh asks, her voice a strained whisper, like she's expecting her aunt to pop back in at any minute.

Benjamin can hear the voices of the adults floating up from downstairs, but he can't distinguish the words, just the tone. It's strained, sometimes, like Raleigh's is right now; other times it's disbelieving, a scoff, and still other times pleading, angry, excited in turns.

"I don't know," he hedges, fitting another puzzle piece together. "Something they don't want us to hear."

"Well,  _duh_ ," Zoey says, rolling her eyes dramatically. "If they wanted us to hear it, we wouldn't be up here, would we?"

Benjamin glares at her. He knows his parents keep secrets - has known since the day he saw Evelyn for the first time at the Council's inauguration -, but that doesn't mean he likes it. Every time he thinks about it, it makes something hot and angry prickle beneath his skin.

And it's that, more than anything, that has him contemplating sneaking downstairs, trying to eavesdrop on whatever it is his mom and dad and all their friends are talking about.

"Do you think if we sat closer to the stairs we could hear better?" Zoey asks, her brows pinched together in concentration.

"I-" Benjamin starts and then cuts off abruptly at the sound of footsteps on their stairs. All of them whip around, their expressions guilty as Ashley pokes her head in to check on them.

"You guys are being awfully quiet," she says suspiciously.

"We're fine, Mom. Just playing," Raleigh says, her voice high and false. It's still enough to get rid of her mother though.

"Forget it, let's just do whatever," Ben says crossly.

Zoey drags a chair over the shelves and tugs down a box full of crafting stuff - glitter and glue and googly eyes -, and even though none of them are exactly enthusiastic they still make a mess making art. Ben would worry about his parents being mad about it, but this has always been his and Matthew's 'playroom', the one place they're allowed to make messes, even if that mess is Matthew adding a bright blue handprint to the couch with non-toxic fingerpaints, like now.

"You're gonna get in trouble Matty," Zoey teases.

"Am not," he snaps, pouting because he's been banished up here with the rest of the kids instead of being allowed to stay downstairs with the adults like he'd be able to do if he was Sophie and Brynn's age. Lucky for Tris he hasn't been quite so clingy over the last year, but that just means he gets to follow Ben and Zoey around a lot, trying to play with them.

The later it gets the more curious they get, especially so when the adults seem to forget about them, and Matthew - hands still blue - climbs up on the couch and falls asleep for lack of anything better to occupy him.

"I think, if I can just go down the first couple of stairs I can hear better," Benjamin whispers when all three of them are crowded around the banisters, their ears straining.

"You'll get caught!" Raleigh protests.

"I don't think so," Ben starts to say, but Zoey interrupts him.

"Ben's sneaky, he can do it," she says smugly. Her assurance isn't enough though, and Raleigh still gives Benjamin a worried look.

"It'll be okay," he promises.

But once he's standing at the top of the stairs he's not so sure himself. If his ears were on his feet this would be a lot easier, he thinks; then all he'd have to do is drop down and few steps and problem solved. But they're not and he casts Zoey and Raleigh a worried look before dropping down onto his stomach.

"What're you-," Zoey starts, but Ben waves off the rest of her words with an impatient hand.

He slithers down a few steps, just enough to have his head on the first stair that gives him a view into the room below. His parents and Raleigh's are sitting with their back to him, Susan too, though she's sitting on the bench pushed against the staircase and is directly under him. He can see his Aunt Christina, Uriah's hand resting on her shoulder, though the rest of him is out of view. The other people are sitting where he can't see them, ringed around the table.

"If it comes to a fight, we won't win," his dad says, and even if the words aren't enough to scare Benjamin his tone is. "The Bureau could overwhelm us. Easily. And that's if they don't just drop a bomb full of memory serum on us instead."

Benjamin knows about the Bureau, a little. Not from school - they won't teach about the war until he moves to the junior high school in a few years -, but from his dad. He knows the Bureau wanted to wipe the memories of everyone in their city at one time, during the war, and that it didn't happen because of something Tris' brother did. He's not sure what, exactly, but that's why he died, and his dad told him not ask his Tris about it because it makes her sad.

"We need allies… or weapons," Harrison says from somewhere Ben can't see.

"You can cross 'weapons' off the list," Cara says harshly. "Erudite hasn't been able to development new ones since the war."

"What about that stunner thing you showed me in Amity? Remember?" Tris presses. "If we could build a bigger one-"

"Well, we can't," Cara says with finality.

"And we don't have any allies," Uriah says. "We could teach the other factions to fight, if we needed to. I don't know how we'd arm them, but…,"

"We'll need more than that," Tobias says.

"More than ten thousand other people?" Uriah scoffs.

"Yes. Because you're thinking of the entire population, and not taking into account all the people who are too young or too old or too conscientious to fight. And you're not taking into account all the people that will die and need to be replaced in the process either," Tobias says harshly.

"There has to be a way for us to do this without fighting," Johanna says, her voice pleading.

"And if there isn't? Because we need to know now how far any of us are willing to go with this. If it comes to a fight, are we willing to do that?"

A tense silence seems to fill the room, and Tobias stands up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly across the wood floor. That sends Benjamin skittering back upstairs. He wants to listen, but he doesn't even want to think about what will happen if he gets caught.

Benjamin hastily brushes the dirt from his shirt and tiptoes back to where Zoey and Raleigh are watching him, wide eyed.

"Is it bad?" Zoey asks.

Benjamin's tongue feels thick and heavy in his mouth. "Yeah."

* * *

Tobias misses working in the Control Room. It was soothing, simple work that made a hell of a lot more sense than what he has to do as a councilmember sometimes.

"So, do you really think there's a whole other country on the other side of the lake like Harrison thinks there is?" Zeke asks, his voice penetrating the wall of servers Tobias is crouched behind, wires coiled at his feet.

"Dunno. Maybe," he says noncommittally. "If there is I doubt the Bureau is going to be okay with us communicating with them. They've prevented us from contacting the other test cities completely. I can't imagine what they'd do if we tried to form ties with the government of another country."

"Especially if they knew why."

"Yeah."

"Could solve a lot of problems though," Zeke says thoughtfully. "Another country could offer us protection and all the things we can't provide for ourselves, yet."

"What would they want in return though?"

"Do you always have to be so pessimistic?" Zeke grouses.

"Yes," Tobias says flatly.

"Tris should be sainted for living with you. Seriously, I don't know how she does it. I'm pretty sure I'd smother you with a pillow while you slept if I had to deal with you pissing all over my parade 24-7."

"Then it's a good thing you don't live with me," Tobias mutters, shuddering a little. He couldn't deal with Zeke's insane (to his thinking) optimism all the time either.

"My screen just went black. Is that what you were trying to do," Zeke calls out.

Tobias tips sideways, looking out from behind the servers to see for himself. "No. Give me a minute."

"Sure. Take all the time you need. You want some tea and cookies while you're back there? I'm just trying to keep an eye on the city, no big deal," Zeke says sarcastically.

"The more you talk, the longer this takes."

"Why? What are you even doing back there?"

"It's kind of complicated."

"And I'm not 'kind of' stupid, so tell me."

"It's a cuff on our incoming traffic, more or less. It won't affect anything you do though, so don't worry about it."

"Fantastic," he scoffs, sarcastic. "Is this one of your pet projects that could bring about the digital apocalypse and throw us into the stone age?"

"No."

"So you don't deny the existence of such projects?" Zeke asks, adopting the sort of voice Candor lawyers do when cross examining a witness.

"You're hilarious," Tobias dead-pans.

"And you didn't answer the question," Zeke mutters.

"Your screen back yet?"

He hears the chair Zeke is sitting in squeak as he turns to face the desk. "Yep."

"Good. Leave me alone."

"I forgot how much fun you are to fuck with though," he whines.

"I've got a job to do, you know."

"Yeah, yeah," Zeke dismisses, though mercifully lets Tobias do just that.

They work in silence for a while, Zeke at the desk and Tobias wedged uncomfortably behind the servers with a flashlight in his hands and dust bunnies clinging to his cuffs. He's just about to give Zeke a lecture about the dangers of dust when the phone rings, shrill and insistent.

"Tris is on the phone."

"What does she need?" Tobias asks, his hands not even stilling in their tasks.

He hears Zeke ask her the same question and then the phone being set gently back in the cradle. And then suddenly Zeke is there, leaning into the little space Tobias is occupying.

"You need to go home. Now."

Between Zeke's words and his expression Tobias feels a frisson of fear crackle up his spine.

"Did she say…?" he asks, extricating himself.

"No. Just that. That you need to come home. Now," Zeke says, brushing dust off Tobias' back even as he pushes him out the door.

Tobias bypasses the elevators - they won't move fast enough for him -, and though he keeps his steps steady, if quick, once he's to the edge of the park he breaks into a run. He's not even aware of the icy temperature and grey skies threatening the years first snowstorm.

There's a car in front of their house that he doesn't recognize and that just makes him move even quicker. It's a miracle that he doesn't take the front door off the hinges when he bursts through it. He'd scream out for Tris when he does if she wasn't right there waiting for him, her expression stony and Sophie clutched in her arms protectively.

Tobias' eyes reel around their living room and land on a severe looking woman in a pantsuit sitting primly on one of the couches before flitting to Ben and Matty on the one opposite, looking confused and scared.

"Who are you?" Tobias demands, his arm slipping around Tris' shoulders as he pecks a kiss to her temple, his eyes never leaving the woman though.

"My name is Amelia Crooke," she says, offering him a business card, but making no move to stand. "I'm from Protective Services."

"What are you doing here?" Tobias asks, his voice still demanding. He knows what Protective Services does, of course, but that doesn't explain what they're doing in his house.

"Protective Services audits the factions medical records yearly, looking for any signs of abuse among the members. It's shockingly underreported," she says with a predatory smile. "That's why I'm here. There were notations in your children's medical files that caught our attention, and of course it could be nothing, but in these instances a home inspection and interviews are always conducted."

Tobias would be seeing red right now if he didn't know that's exactly what this woman wants. Instead, he musters every ounce of self control he possesses and sits on the couch, Tris mirroring him on the other side of Benjamin and Matthew.

"Fine," he says through gritted teeth. "What questions do you have?"

Amelia pulls out a thick file and flips to the first page. It only takes Tobias a moment to realize it's their children's medical records. All of them. The interview lasts hours and covers everything from Benjamin's frequent ear infections as a baby right up to Sophie's burned finger - which they hadn't sought medical attention for, it was so slight, but that Dr. Gonzales had noted on her chart the next day when Sophie was there for her 1-year-old check-up.

By the time she finishes Tobias is sure that if Tris didn't have Sophie in her arms they'd be digging a shallow grave for this woman because with every new insinuation she makes about Benjamin and Matthew and Sophie - and Tris and Tobias' parenting -, Tris looks like she's thinking of new and painful ways to commit murder and trying to will them into existence.

But they get through it, somehow. And even though Tobias wants to ask - more than once - where Protective Services was when Marcus was beating the shit out of him on a regular basis, he doesn't. He doesn't even slam the door shut behind her when she leaves like he wants to.

He does share a look with Tris though, one that lets him know that she knows they're being watched. That there was nothing in the kids medical files that can't be accounted for by them being anything other than kids. That somehow, someone, somewhere figured out what they're doing and is trying to scare them or control them in the most effective means available.


	11. Family (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a much shorter chapter then what I usually write, but, in my opinion, it's exactly as long as it needs to be and I don't see any point in padding it with useless scenes. That said, I still hope you all enjoy it :)

"It's snowing," Benjamin says dully, his red rimmed eyes looking out of the living room window with almost complete disinterest.

"Yeah, it is," Tobias says, mostly to fill the void of silence.

It took he and Tris a while to get the kids calmed down because Benjamin understood too much, and Matthew just enough (and Sophie not at all except that her brother's and mother and father are so she should be too). Now they're all tense, silent, and distracted.

Tobias looks over at Tris again, hoping to see something of her thoughts in her expression, but he can't read her any more this time than he has the last half dozen times he's attempted it. It both frustrates and frightens him when he can't tell what she's thinking. It's too much like his past experiences when she's done something rash and reckless, and he finds old fears haunting him yet again.

But there are other thoughts plaguing him too, accusatory ones that he knows Tris would chastise him for, but are nonetheless his first instinct. He works his way out from their family. Tobias knows Tris wouldn't let anything slip, even accidentally. The kids he doesn't even consider. Zeke and Shauna are next, and though there was a time when he would have suspected Shauna of pretty much anything given her disdain and distrust of divergents, that time has passed.

And it strikes him, suddenly, that Zeke realized something bad was going on when Tris called as she did, that, in all likelihood, he's chomping at the bit, biding his time before he appears on their doorstep and demands answers.

Tobias' eyes snap to the window again, to the scene outside it, the snow falling softly. It looks like fog, back-lit as it is by the giant floodlights that illuminate the park every night until curfew, and Tobias knows, he just knows, that Zeke is waiting for them there because even if they're not blood, they're brothers.

"We should go to the park," Tobias announces.

It's met with indifference, but he prods everyone to their feet, giving Tris a look that lets her know this isn't just about cheering the kids up like he claims when Benjamin whines about it. Whatever reverie she was trapped in seems to recede then, and though her enthusiasm is forced, she's by his side as they help the children dress for the cold.

When they spill out the door, he holds her hand firmly, her other arm keeping Sophie propped on her hip as they walk. None of them say anything as they carefully navigate through the brush and trees that separate their cul-de-sac from the park, strange, deep shadows cast at odd angles because of the lights.

Zeke is waiting for them. The rest of the park is full of revelers too since the first snowfall of the year holds a certain kind of wonder, even for the adults. But the children are there too, running around and sliding on the slushy snow, throwing snowballs that are still dirty and wet, but seemingly all the better for it.

"Zoey's waiting for you," Zeke says to Ben, pointing to a group of kids running and yelling and pelting each other with snowballs.

"It's fine, go have fun," Tobias encourages when Benjamin gives him a worried look.

"And take your brother with you," Tris says before he can take more than a step or two. Benjamin rolls his eyes, but does as his mother asks, the dog dutifully trotting along with them, and even she is wearing a coat it's so cold.

Zeke is sure to check that there's no one even remotely close to them before asking, "so what happened?" in a quiet mutter, his lips barely moving, as soon as Benjamin and Matthew are out of earshot.

Tobias gives him an abbreviated version of events that still manages to horrifying and piss off Zeke (and himself and Tris all over again).

Zeke doesn't even entertain the notion that there could be anything to the claims, which frankly, if Tobias is being honest, he's a little afraid of, given his history and the propensity for the abused to become abusers themselves. Instead Zeke swears lowly under his breath, and asks the same question Tobias has been thinking since Amelia Crooke walked out their door: "who?"

"I've been trying to figure that out," Tobias says hotly, his anger surfacing once again.

"No one said anything, Tobias," Tris says firmly.

"I'm not saying on purpose," he hedges, trying to mollify her even if he doesn't believe it himself, "but people let things slip occasionally. We told them not to discuss this stuff on the phone or a computer, but maybe they thought they could get away with it the one time-"

"-I don't believe it," Tris snaps. "On purpose, on accident, whatever; I don't believe it. None of us are that stupid, and if we don't trust each other, we have nothing."

"She's right, you know," Zeke says quietly.

"Fine," Tobias huffs, not giving up on the idea, just the fight that's brewing if he doesn't drop it. "Then we have to consider the house is bugged."

It's not unlikely. The house is empty for a couple of hours, at least, every day and often times longer, giving whoever ample opportunity to do so. And even if they were only the messengers, Tobias and Johanna were the ones who went to the Bureau over a year ago to talk to them about seceding from the agency. It was at the behest of their constituents, sure, but that alone could have given the Bureau reason enough to put at least Johanna, and Tris and Tobias' family under surveillance.

"Have you done a sweep of it?" Zeke asks.

"No," Tobias says, shaking his head. "I don't want to do it with the kids around; they don't need to see that and wonder if they shouldn't feel safe in their home." Because if there's one thing Tobias is adamant about it, it's that their children should at least be able to feel safe there, of all places.

It's quickly decided between the three of them that Tris and the kids will spend the next day with Shauna, Christina too, if she's feeling up to it; doing what doesn't matter so much as the fact that they'll be out of the house.

"I need to get a message to Johanna, let her know what's going on," Tobias says, once that's settled.

"Can't do it tonight, not if you don't know whether there are any safe lines of communication."

"No shit," Tobias says like he's calling Zeke stupid. "I'm talking about after. Even if we don't find anything that doesn't mean it's not there. I just need a way to get a message to her that won't raise suspicion." If it was any other day it wouldn't be a problem because he'd see her at work, but of course this had to happen on a Friday, in fact it was probably planned that way.

"Michael's doing a rotation out at Amity," Zeke says, scratching his chin. "He could carry messages back and forth without raising suspicion. Probably going to take some time to set that up though. Maybe Christina could talk to him, drop off some forgotten knick-knack or something at his place as a co-"

"Yeah, that's going to go over well," Tris says, voice dripping with sarcasm and eyes rolling so hard it looks painful. "Their break-up was so bad Michael moved out the Pire, and now Christina is pregnant. With Uriah's child. The person Michael was convinced she was cheating on him with. You think having her go talk to him is a good idea?" she scoffs. "Seriously?"

Zeke shrugs, looking a little sheepish.

"And it can't be you or Uriah either," Tris adds.

"What did I do?" he asks, reeling back slightly at the offense.

"Your last name is 'Pedrad'; in this case it's enough."

"I'll talk to him," Tobias volunteers. "I might need to for other things anyway."

* * *

 

Tris and the kids leave around noon and not long after Zeke and Uriah arrive, pizza and beers in their hands.

"You look like you haven't slept," Zeke comments as he sets the pizza down in the middle of the dining room table and flips the box open.

"I don't think I did, to be honest," Tobias says, scrunching and rubbing at his bloodshot eyes even though it makes them hurt worse.

He spent last night in the net of their children's limbs, everyone sleeping in the same bed. It hadn't been especially comfortable, but that wasn't what was keeping him up. Because as much as one part of his brain was telling him that he was where he needs to be, the other part - the part that wouldn't let him sleep, even fitfully like Tris - was telling him he needed to _do_ something so insistently his limbs kept twitching, his body trying to pull him out of bed and force him to action.

They each take a slice of pizza, and as Tobias takes hasty bites he scribbles instructions to the other two on a pad of paper. They're not complicated and mostly obvious, though when Tobias brings up the visit from Protective Services as they each shove another piece of pizza in their mouths, both Zeke and Uriah's eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

Tobias keeps talking as he writes, "it would be suspicious not to talk about it," and holds it up for them to read.

And they keep talking, the conversation eventually bouncing to other, inconsequential topics, as the three of them slowly and methodically wave small electronic devices up and down the walls and across the ceilings and floors. It's slow, tedious work, and Tobias is sure to say - in case anyone other than them is listening - that he might subdivide one of the rooms and build himself a new office, just in case he needs a plausible excuse to tear into one of the walls.

They don't find anything, but when they get back downstairs, Tobias motions them out to the backyard with a toss of his head. "I want to search the house again - just visually," he says without preamble. "Under the couches and chairs, places like that. I think we're okay, but I still can't explain how they knew, if someone didn't sell us out."

"Maybe it was enough, all of us getting together here," Uriah offers. "Maybe they don't know what was said, just that there was a meeting, and that since it was at your house, Tris and you must be the ring leaders. I mean, Protective Services didn't turn up at Zeke's door."

"Yet," Zeke adds, uncharacteristically grim.

"Yeah, that's the other thing," Tobias says uncomfortably. "We need one of you clear of this."

Both Zeke and Uriah shout at him indignantly, but Tobias cuts them off with a sharp, "if anything happens to us, there's no one we trust more with our kids. I don't care which one of you it is, but it has to happen. Please. Without one of you becoming their legal guardians - something that definitely won't happen if we're all sharing jail cells - they would go to Evelyn since she's the only living family Tris or I have. And that can't happen."

Neither Zeke nor Uriah looks happy about it, but they both nod, understanding the situation.

"Just… figure out which one of you it will be, and Tris and I will have the papers drawn up."

~~xxxx~~

It's late in the day by the time Tris and the kids get home, dusted in so much snow they looks like a family of snowmen.

"What did you guys do today?" Tobias asks, his hands working to free Sophie from her snowsuit and eyes watching where Tris and Ben and Matty seem to be shedding layer after layer.

"Just hung out at Zoey's and played video games," Ben shrugs, more focused on pulling off his left boot which is being very stubborn than whatever questions his father is asking.

"Did you find anything?" Tris asks quietly, her voice barely louder than her breath, as they fix dinner and the kids are spread out around the living room, doing their own thing and trying not to whine every five minutes about how hungry they are.

"No," Tobias answers.

"Thank God," Tris says, with evident relief.

* * *

 

Tobias stares out the window of his office. It's not often that he does it, but today there is a cloud cocooning the upper floors of the Hub and since he can't see the ground - or anything but the misty swirling white, really - he lets himself stare.

He's so lost in thought that he actually jumps a little in shock when Tris clears her throat, but as soon as he realizes who's disrupting him, a smile spreads across his face. "What are you doing here?" he asks fondly, rising to his feet to hug and kiss her in greeting.

"My husband's taking me out to lunch," she says.

"I didn't know you were married. You'll have to introduce me to him," Tobias teases.

"No one is as amused by you as you are," Tris snarks, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, I'm hungry," she says, urging him towards the door.

The elevator ride down to street level is a quiet one, but that's mostly out of necessity since it's packed with people too, despite it being a little early for lunch.

"What were you thinking about, before?" Tris asks, now that they're outside and the crowd has thinned. "I thought I was going to have to dump you out of your chair before you noticed me."

"That's nice," Tobias grouses. "I was thinking that I might go see Peter after I walk to Michael today."

"Why?" Tris asks, her voice confused and her nose scrunched up in disgust.

"A couple of reasons," he says, though he has to leave it at that for a while, at least until they're settled in same back booth at Bangor's they occupied the last time. There are actually other diners here today, though Tris and Tobias have beaten the lunch rush a little.

They press together on the same seat, like they did before, heads together and lover-like though there is nothing about their conversation that fits that description.

"I want to see if I'm being followed, for one thing," Tobias says in hushed tones. "I figure, if I am and visit a known criminal, they'll pick him up, just as a matter of course."

"And if they don't?"

"There are other things I want to talk to him about," Tobias says simply.

"Like?"

"Like if things go bad and we need to get out of the city quickly and undetected, he can help with that."

"I don't trust him, and I can't believe you do either," Tris says, incredulous. "He would sell us out in a second if it came down to it."

"I know," Tobias soothes. He has has to stem the flow of conversation once again when the server arrives with their soup course, but once she's gone he explains to Tris that all he needs from Peter is a name, someone who can get them out, and not that Peter would be doing it himself. Tris doesn't look much happier at that, but Tobias doesn't give her time to argue.

"If things go bad, I need to know that you're safe," Tobias says. "And this isn't up for debate, Tris. If something happens, you take the kids and you go; that's the only way having both of us involved in this works."

Tris looks at him searchingly for a long moment before she finally says, "Fine. But only if it that applies to both of us. If I'm the one who gets arrested you and the kids have to leave. No matter what."

As they stare at each other, their bowls of soup steaming on the table and their hands clasped under it, neither of them can help seeing the selfless grey-cloaked ghosts they used to be and still are, under the camouflage of black.


	12. Legacy (T)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'll be participating in NaNoWriMo chapters are going to be shorter than usual this month, about 2500-4000 words each. I figure that's a better trade-off than not updating this fic at all during the month of November (though, tbh, that might change, but I'll do my best not to let that happen).

Tobias frowns, noticing how Tris is picking at her main course. "You still don't think it's a good idea?"

"No, I don't," she says simply. "Using Peter to see if you're being followed is one thing, but putting the lives of our children in his hands… No. Just, no."

"He saved your life once," Tobias points out.

"To repay a debt. This is different. He owes us nothing. And I don't care what he's done in the past. I don't trust him with our future, and I can't believe you do either," she says, giving him a betrayed look.

"I don't, not really."

"Then why do it?" she demands.

"Because I don't know what else to do!" he bursts out, his voice louder than he intended, but thankfully lost in the noise of a room full of diners.

Tris cocks an eyebrow at him.

"I need to do something, okay?" he says in a harsh whisper. "I can't just let this net close around us until we're caught. We have to have a way out."

"What about everyone else?"

"I can't think about everyone else right now. I have to think of us, of our family. I can't believe you don't understand that," he says, feeling betrayed himself. "This isn't like during the war. We have kids now, and they have to be our priority. And I can't believe we're even having this conversation," he adds, pointedly.

"If they're our priority we shouldn't be doing this at all, then," she snaps, though it's less because she actually believes that and more to point out the flaw in his logic; they've spent too many late nights talking about the ways in which their world still needs to change, that, in fact, their legacy to their children should be the world as they deserve it to be.

"Change doesn't come without risk," Tobias shoots back, ill tempered as he always is when they fight like this. So many times it feels like they're replaying the argument they had on the train after Tobias committed Dauntless to joining up with the Factionless, even if Evelyn isn't what they're fighting over.

"No, it doesn't," Tris says, her eyes glassy and her gaze locked in the past the way it always is when she thinks about her parents. "But Peter is more of a risk than I'm willing to take."

"Are you telling me not to do this, then?"

Tris laughs, short and humourless. "No. I can't stop you from doing it. I'm asking you not to, though, because this is my family - and they are my children - too, and I think it's a mistake."

Before Tobias can respond the server arrives with their check and though Tris gives the woman a sweet, thankful smile for her attentive service, she's out the door before Tobias even pays the bill.

* * *

Tris' cheeks are still flushed angrily by the time she hops off the train. She strides past the Pire; she'll have to come back here directly to get Sophie from daycare, but first she needs to collect Ben and Matty from the school. The preschool Matthew attends is actually part of the elementary school that Benjamin does, though it has it's own separate entrance.

Tris smiles politely at the receptionist as she signs in, and then slips through the door to the hallway that runs between the two large classrooms. The children can be picked up anytime between noon and three in the afternoon, and during that time the parents are encouraged to come into the classrooms so that they can participate in the child's learning process and confer with the teachers.

There are already a few parents there, but it's not crowded yet and she finds Matthew easily. He's sitting with several other children, his eyes squeezed shut, as he rattles cylinders that make different noises and tries to guess what's inside without the luxury of his eyes to give it away. Tris crouches down behind him, and whispers "I think that one's filled with rice," in the ear he isn't vigorously shaking a cannister next to.

He tips backward, his eyes popping open as his head lands on her chest and he smiles toothily up at her. "Hi, Mom," he grins.

"Hi, Matty," she returns, kissing between his brows.

"Want to play with us?"

"Yeah," she smiles because this is what she needs right now to forget her anger.

Matthew makes a big production of getting the other kids to scoot so Tris has room to sit down with them, cross-legged, as they pass the objects around.

"You have to close your eyes," he instructs, and when she does he adds, "no peeking!" warningly.

She sits quietly, with her eyes closed, and lets Matty and the other kids shake the cannisters next to her ears as she tries to guess the contents. Her brows pinch, perplexed, at the first one. "Something soft," she says slowly, trying to work it out. "Dirt?" she guesses.

"It's sand," Matthew corrects. "But you almost got it," he says encouragingly.

They work their way up from softest to loudest, from sand to rice to beans and eventually coins that make a sharp, jangling noise when Matty shakes it by her ear. By the time the teacher finally comes around to talk to Tris, Matthew is sitting in her lap, telling her all about his day. He smiles proudly when the teacher tells Tris that he learned how to spell three new words today.

"What were they?" Tris asks him.

"Pat, hat, cat," he says crisply.

"Do you remember how to spell them now?" the teacher asks.

Matthew's brows furrow in concentration as he slowly, carefully, spells out each word correctly.

"Good job, Matty," Tris praises quietly, pecking his cheek.

They leave not long after, taking up a position outside the entrance to the elementary school to wait for Benjamin. Tris knows Shauna is around here somewhere, but she encounters Robert before she finds her.

"How are things out on the farm?" Tris asks lightly, not belying how loaded of a question it really is.

"Just the usual," Robert shrugs. "Raleigh's been learning to ice-skate on our pond now that it's frozen."

"You should bring her down to the rinks sometime; they're open to everyone before the hockey and figure skating practices."

"We just might. Do all your kids skate?"

"Yeah. This is Matty's first year playing hockey, but he's been skating since he could walk, really. Tobias brought home a pair of skates for Sophie a few weeks ago; he can't wait to teach her how to skate too."

"She's barely a year old," he splutters, amazed.

"It's not like we just strap the skates to their feet and turn them loose on the ice," Tris says sarcastically. "But it's something that's important to Tobias, and something he wants to pass along to his children."

"So what's your 'thing' to pass onto them?" Robert asks, curious.

It's not an unfair question, but it's a harder one to answer because the thing she wants to give aren't really things she can point at and say 'this is what I want to give my children'. Regardless, she's saved from answering by the bell ringing and the kids bursting out the front doors of the school and bounding down the steps.

Like his brother, Benjamin is eager to tell Tris all about his day, and though he says a long goodbye to Raleigh, they don't linger, restless and ready to find Shauna and Zoey and go to the park for a while, as is their habit.

The snow has piled up enough that the snowballs they lob at each other once they're there are pure and crystalline, exploding on contact in great bursts of white.

"Had any more visits?" Shauna asks, under her breath, once the kids are playing and far enough away they won't hear her.

"No," Tris says, shaking her head. "You?"

"Nothing. We're all pretty on edge about it, but so far we haven't had anyone come by."

"I'm not surprised," Tris says. When Shauna quirks an eyebrow at her in question she elaborates. "Tobias and I, Harrison, Johanna… we're the most public people involved in this. Arresting us, that sends a very clear message: that it doesn't matter who you are, that they will find you and punish you. It wouldn't have quite the same effect if it's just some guy who works in the Dauntless control room. Traitors aren't dangerous if they aren't powerful."

"Then why haven't they arrested you yet? Why haven't they threatened Harrison and Johanna?" she challenges, probably annoyed that Tris described Zeke as 'some guy who works in the Dauntless control room' more than anything else.

"Out of that group Tobias and I are the ones easiest to intimidate," Tris says, nodding towards Ben and Matty. "But I don't think they want to arrest us. I think they're scared to; even though it might scare some people back into line, it will make a lot of other people take a stand because ever since the bombing more and more people have wanted exactly what we're talking about doing."

"So you think we're safe?"

"No," Tris says grimly. "It's like… backing a scared animal into a corner: at some point it will lash out. We just haven't gotten to that point, yet, but when we do…" she trails off.

~~xxxx~~

"Ben, me and Sophie are going to take a nap, okay?" Tris calls down from the landing outside her bedroom to the playroom below where she can hear him and Matthew rummaging around.

"Okay," Ben calls back.

Tris carefully closes the door to her room and then lays Sophie on the bed, toeing off her boots before taking Sophie's off as well.

"Is it nap time, Sophie?" she coos, peppering her face with little kisses that makes her daughter smile and a blowing a raspberry against her neck that makes her laugh and clutch at her mother's face.

Once they get settled under the blankets, Sophie tucked against Tris' side, she tells her a story about a girl from the Fringe who was little and scared and all by herself, so she got a tattoo of a dragon on her back, and how somehow, with magic, the mythical creature gave the girl some of it's qualities, making her smart, and strong, and cunning, and brave.

Sophie's heavy and lax against her by the time she finishes the story, and though normally Tris would let herself doze off too, today she doesn't; can't as a matter of fact, because her mind is too busy churning away, trying to solve all their problems.

And wishing her mother was still there to help her figure out what to do.

Except she's not, and Tris sighs heavily, sadly, and tries to focus on the people who are.

What they need, really, is an ally in the Bureau, someone who can tip them off if things come to a crisis, and someone who can maybe run interference, hiding their activities if need be. Unfortunately, with Matthew no longer working for the Bureau, no one fits that description. He might know someone though who could be useful, and Tris makes a mental note to ask him the next time she has the chance to.

She wakes Sophie from her nap slowly, with little fluttering kisses and tickling fingers; if there's any way to throw the toddler into a tantrum it's by wrenching her from sleep abruptly.

Once she's up Tris carries her back downstairs, stopping in the playroom to check on what Ben and Matty are up to before she starts dinner, though her mind is still mostly occupied by her worries. Benjamin is stretched out on the couch, a book propped on his chest, and Matthew is by the fireplace, making mosaics from a bunch of paint chips that Tobias brought home and Tris cut up into little squares for the kids to play with.

Satisfied, she goes downstairs, though the bottom floor quiet and lifeless. That lasts exactly as long as it take Tris to set Sophie on the floor and give her a metal pot, a plastic bowl, and a wooden spoon to play with while she puts dinner together; soon enough she's treating Tris to a cacophonous concert, banging away gleefully on the objects.

Tris startles some time later when Benjamin sneaks up behind her and asks if Tobias is going to be home for dinner.

"I don't know," she says honestly, her eyes flickering worried to the clock on the wall, trying to figure out just how late he's going to be if he visits Michael after work, and Peter after that.

"Oh. Okay," he says a little dejected. "What are you making?" he asks, motioning the bowl Tris was been dumping dried herbs and spices into when he walked in.

"Chicken for burritos."

"Can I help?"

"Of course," Tris says warmly, smiling a little.

"So what do I do?" Benjamin asks once he's pulled the step-stool over to the counter.

"I'm going to chop the chicken up and then dump it in the bowl, and then you stir it around really good so it gets covered in the seasoning, okay?" Tris instructs, Benjamin nodding along as she explains.

"Now what?" Benjamin's voice is eager and excited, once that step is complete. He holds the bowl against him with both hands, like it's something precious.

"Now we cook it," Tris says, and though she's the one who dumps the chicken in the pan heating on the stove she's quick to hand Benjamin a spatula so he can be in charge of that too. She stands behind him, adding shredded carrots and canned black beans for him to stir around and mix in with the chicken, patiently instructing and praising him as he works.

 _This_  is her gift to her children; simple, happy memories that some day - hopefully a very long time from now - they can look back on fondly when her and Tobias are no longer there to make new ones. It's not something big, or bold, or showy, and maybe it's because Tris was raised Abnegation, but the memories she loves best are the quiet ones; the ones made every day that are so easy to overlook, but often times hold more meaning and comfort than any others.

Eventually Matthew rambles into the kitchen too, and though he scrunches up his nose in disgust at the kale Tris is carefully shredding while Benjamin tends the chicken, he decides sitting on the floor and playing with Sophie is much more fun than cooking. Tris doesn't mind; he's making happy memories of his own, Tris and Benjamin on the fringes of it.

"Is Amar going to drive us to Amity when we have to go to their Thanksgiving feast?" Benjamin asks as they sit down to dinner.

"I don't know," Tris says, trying to get Sophie to eat some baby food. She feels like apologizing to her just because it looks so disgusting out of the jar. "He usually drives us when we have to go to Amity or the Bureau, so he probably will this time."

That's part of the reason Tobias is distrustful of him; no matter how unjust it might be, Amar has always seemed to be so in step with the Bureau.

The thought niggles at the back of Tris brain though, something about it not feeling right. If she's honest, she doesn't know if she trusts Amar either. She'd like to think that if it came down to it, he would help them before he'd help the Bureau, but she really has nothing to base that on other than wishful thinking and a very old friendship that was more than that to Amar.

Tris doesn't know if Amar was ever really in love with Tobias - not like she loves Tobias and vice-versa, anyway -, but it's always made her relationship with him a little strained. She likes him well enough, but it's hard to become friends with someone when you're wondering if they're looking at your husband and wondering about what could have been, or - even more alarmingly - if they're thinking about what they would be like naked and between the sheets.

She thinks it must be a bit like that for George too because, though he's always been polite to Tobias, he's made no effort to be his friend. More than once when they've all been together Tris has given him a sympathetic smile, feeling like they're somehow partners in a very strange dance. Of course Tris hasn't seen much of him since Tori died, which she supposes is natural considering his sister was the social bond that brought them together most often, but it's more than that too.

Since Tori died George has stepped back from a lot of his public responsibilities. It was natural, at first, grieving for his sister, but every time Tris has encountered him in the last few years he's been different; angry, closed off, but silent too. Very silent, especially when it comes to the Bureau.

And the thought hits Tris so hard she nearly drops the spoon she's trying to coax into Sophie's mouth; that the reason for that might be because he's angry at the Bureau, that he blames them for Tori's death, and that if that is the case, as the head the security forces in the city, he might be the powerful, connected ally they need.

* * *

It takes some doing, but Tobias is able to give his driver the slip when he leaves the Hub. Once he's out of the building he ducks into a busy coffee shop and changes into his street clothes in the bathroom, stuffing his suit into the backpack he had tucked under his arm when he left his office. He draws his hoodie up over his baseball cap and ducks back into the street, a cup of coffee he has no intention of drinking warming his hands on the bitterly cold night. It's the most he can do to hide his identity without announcing the fact he's doing just that.

It's a short walk to the hospital, and to the apartments just behind it where many of the medical staff live. Michael isn't home. Tobias waits for a while, but when he doesn't show up he decides Michael probably won't be at home at all tonight. It was a possibility and one he planned for, instructing Johanna to make contact with him in Amity if Tobias' couldn't in the city.

He has to take the train to get to the bad part of town though, the part where Peter operates. It's been a few years - well before the bombing - since Tobias has seen him, but he still knows where to find him.

When he walks into the dingy bar it's empty, save for the bartender.

"What can I get you?" she asks, eyeing him warily.

"Beer," he says simply, sitting down. The counter is sticky and the drink is flat and warm, but like the coffee he has no intentions of really drinking it.

He lets the silence stretch for a few minutes before he says, "I'm here to see Peter."

"I don't know who you're talking about," she snaps.

"Yes you do," he says, looking her up and down. She's got a thick layer of makeup on her face, and between that and the dim lighting it's hard to make out the bruise on her cheek, but it's there and they both know it. "He do that to you?" Tobias asks, pointing to the mark with the neck of his bottle.

Her lips pinch in a tight, hard line, and Tobias thinks she must be thinking of a way to tell him to get the fuck out without saying the actual words, but before she can he says, "tell him Four is here to see him. I promise he'll want to see me."

She hesitates for a moment, clearly debating before disappearing into the back with a huff of annoyance.

Tobias pushes his hood back and removes his cap, letting the tiny camera above the bar - and more importantly, the person watching it - get a good look at him. Not even a minute later another woman joins him at the bar, her dress suggestively revealing even if she didn't sidle right up to him and purringly ask him if there was anything she could do for him, which she does.

Tobias throws off her hand on his arm pointedly and then fishes a fifty out of his pocket and holding it out to her. "Yeah, get lost," he says flatly.

If the woman is offended she doesn't show it, snapping the money out of his fingers like a greedy child.

"He's waiting for you," the bartender says when she walks back in, a look of consternation on her face.

Tobias leaves his beer and slips through the swinging door into the back, through a storage area and into an office. Peter sits behind a heavy oak desk, fatter with age, though his eyes still hold the same malicious glint they did when he was 16.

"What can I do for you?" Peter asks, sizing him up, a hint of smirk playing cruelly around his mouth. "Clearly you're not here for refreshments. Or entertainment."

"Expanding your business into prostitution now?" Tobias shoots back, disgusted. He would love to put a bullet in his brain, just like he did to Eric. Tobias could probably get away with it too, claim self-defense or something, because no one would believe a council member would kill someone in cold blood.

"It's good money, and no matter how bad things are there's always a demand for it," he shrugs. "But clearly that's not why you're here, so what do you want?"

Tobias hesitates, his early argument with Tris playing in his mind.  _I don't trust him with our future and I can't believe you do either_ , her voice chides. Her words carry more weight now than they did before, as he sits here staring at this man who he barely considers human. And he makes the split second decision to abandon his plan, to find another way out of the city if they need it.

"There's a new drug coming into the city from the Fringe," he lies. "You know anything about that?"

"What makes you think I've got anything to do with the drug trade?" Peter asks mockingly.

"The fact that I'm not an idiot, that's what. But if it's coming in from outside the fence it's just as much a problem for you as it is for me. Quid pro quo, Peter," he snaps, making the lie sound as real as possible.

"If there's something new coming into the city I don't know about it," Peter dismisses. "Anything else?"

"No," Tobias says, standing to leave immediately because there's no reason to draw this out any longer than necessary.

Tobias takes the train back into a more populated part of the city and changes back into his suit in another bathroom in another coffee shop before going home. It's not particularly late by the time he gets there, but it's late enough that Tris scowls at him, knowing where he was.

"I didn't tell him anything," Tobias murmurs into her ear as he kisses her cheek and holds Sophie on his hip. He doesn't have a chance to elaborate though until after the kids are in bed.

"What happened?" Tris asks as they lay in the dark quiet of their bedroom.

"It just didn't feel right," Tobias says evasively. It's a lot harder for him to admit he was wrong - harder than saying he's sorry - even if it is just him and Tris.

"I was thinking, earlier, about George," Tris says cautiously, her fingers picking nervously at the blankets covering them.

"What about him?"

"That he could be the ally we need."

"I doubt it," he frowns. "Amar is-"

"-I know what Amar is, or what you think he is," Tris says, cutting him off before he can shoot her idea down entirely. He stays quiet as she relays her theory, but when she finishes she can tell he's still not convinced, so she adds, "just because they're together doesn't mean they agree on everything. We don't."


	13. Sacrifices (T)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this was a... really emotional chapter for me to write. Nothing awful happens, but it was just rough. Also, I am about 60% asleep right now, and I'm sure there are about a million mistakes, so... sorry about that.

The main offices of the Security Forces are always busy, and as Tris wends her way through the hallways towards George's office she has to dodge more than one black-clad officer. Still, no one pays her much attention. She's the Dauntless ambassador and given that the faction and Bureau police the city in partnership there's nothing notable about her being there.

George is the Chief Security Officer though, and a busy man. Even if he doesn't appear in public much anymore, his day is packed with back-to-back administration meetings. Tris waits patiently in reception area outside his office, her knitting needles ticking in a way that keeps drawing his secretary's attention. The woman is young, probably freshly out of the training corps, and clearly wondering how deadly and Dauntless Tris can possibly be if she's sitting there  _knitting_ , of all things.

When the people with the meeting before hers exit George's office she gives the young woman a wry smile and says, "you never know when you'll need a weapon," as she tucks her knitting back into bag, clearly making the girl rethink just what she can do with the long metal needles.

George greets her as the acquaintance she is - warmly, but not affectionately -, offering her coffee or tea as he ushers her onto the couch against the wall instead of the chair across from his desk. "So what can I do for you?" he asks as he pours her a cup of tea, settling on the couch with her.

She shrugs her shoulders and says she's there to work out the details of the Dauntless leaders going out to Amity for their Thanksgiving festivities, since it's an official visit. It's not a lie, but it's not something she'd normally come all the way down to the headquarters to arrange either; usually a phone call will suffice, which George points out, when they're finished.

"I was in the neighborhood anyway," Tris dismisses. "And I wanted to invite you to a Christmas Eve party, at our house, too," she says, smiling a little.

"A little early for that, don't you think?" he says, quirking an eyebrow at her.

"Well, you never know what people's plans are, so I wanted to make the offer early. You don't have to give me an answer today, just think about it," she says, handing him a folded note, which she tells them has their address on it since they've never been there. She grabs her bag and bids him goodbye, meeting concluded.

She emerges onto the street and takes a deep breath, says a little prayer, and then walks to Navy Pier. There aren't many people around because it's bitterly cold despite the sun shining, but there are enough that her presence is ignored; she's just one more person bundled up against the cold, looking to stretch their legs on their lunch hour.

Tris buys a cup of hot chocolate and sits on a park bench nearest the Ferris Wheel, and waits.

And waits.

And waits.

By the time George arrives her hot chocolate is gone and she's pretty sure she's got the beginnings of frostbite on her toes.

"What do you need to talk about, privately?" he asks, holding her note up.

"The Bureau," she says simply.

"We could have done that in my office," he grouses.

"No, we couldn't. Not what I want to talk about, about them, anyway," she corrects.

"So talk," he huffs, sitting down next to her.

Tris licks her lips and tries to remember every word of the very thought out argument she carefully pieced together to sway him, but her mind is a frustratingly blank slate, made worse by the way he's looking at her: annoyed and expectant. So she just starts talking, hoping the words will come back to her before she makes a complete idiot of herself.

"After the war, Tobias and I could have left," she starts slowly. "A lot of people did. But this was our home, and for the first time we had a chance to make a change, to do something right, something better. We fought for that, believed in it. It was broken, then, but we wanted to fix it."

She hesitates before she continues, knowing it will be a sensitive subject. "Tori wanted to fix it too," she says, and sure enough George inhales like it's a physical blow, but Tris presses on, undeterred. "And for a long time - even though the arrangement was more or less forced on the city, and even though they did many things I didn't, and don't agree with - I thought the involvement of the Bureau here was a good thing."

"But you don't anymore?" he asks, his expression inscrutable.

"No, I don't," Tris says. "And I don't think you do either."

They're quiet for a long time, but eventually Tris says, "The Bureau isn't good for this city, George, or the people in it. Maybe without the bombing and Tobias being attacked on the road from Amity I wouldn't feel that way today, but I would have eventually. They have never helped us, only hurt us. It might have been worse when we were still a factioned society, but that's the truth we can't escape. And we need to get away from them."

"And you think, because of Tori, I'll help you?" he scoffs, standing up and pacing around.

"No, I think you'll help me because you understand what a threat they are to us, all of us." Tris isn't sure if it's the truth or a lie, but she says it anyway. "This thing that we're doing, it's a big, hard thing. And maybe we won't succeed, maybe we'll all end up dead as traitors, but we have to try. Because it's the right thing to do. Because this city… it can be great. But greatness like that requires bravery; it requires us having the courage to escape our old ideas," she says with conviction. "Tori understood that then, and if she was here, she'd understand it now, too."

"What do you want from me, Tris?" George asks, his voice no longer challenging like it was a moment before, just tired.

"I want someone who can tell the people who are involved in this is they're being monitored. We need to know if our homes are being bugged, if our phones are being tapped. Because we've already been threatened, Tobias and I, and it's just a matter of time until the others are too. And if worse comes to worse, I want someone who can help get us out of the city, who can at least warn us if they're coming because  _I'm not going to let them take my family_ ," she says, emphasizing the last words heavily, knowing the effect they'll have on him.

He doesn't say anything, just watches her mutely as she rises to leave.

"You don't have to give me an answer today," she says repeating her words from earlier, though they have an entirely different meaning now. "Just think about it."

* * *

The day turns from bitter to frigid to impossibly cold. Tobias runs out of adjectives when the thermometer hits zero, but it just keeps plummeting. By the time he makes it home it's well into the negative teens. Cold snaps like this aren't uncommon, but this one arrived both very early and with little warning, sending the city scrambling to prepare for it. Consequently Tobias doesn't get home until after the children have gone to bed; Tris too, probably, since she doesn't come down to meet him when he walks through the door.

Despite the icy temperatures outside their home is warm and snug. He methodically locks the door and then ambles into the kitchen, shirking his jacket, loosening his tie, and rolling up his sleeves as he goes. The gun he's carried with him ever since Protective Services turned up at their door clinks heavily against the countertop when he removes it from where it was nestled against the small of his back.

The last few days have been hard. There haven't been many bright spots between signing the papers that name Christina and Uriah their children's guardians should anything happen to Tris and Tobias, and everything that work has demanded from them lately. But that's not all that's been occupying his mind. There's still the paranoia of everything going on around them, borne of their involvement in the plot to secede from the Bureau, but if he's honest, all he can think about is Tris and their children and what the future could hold for them.

Still, a soft smile turns up his lips at the plate of peanut butter cookies waiting for him, a note from Ben and a drawing from Matty next to it. His smile broadens to a grin when he finds a note from Tris with stern instructions to eat dinner before devouring the cookies. It's a simple gesture - all of it -, but it reminds him that they still need him, still want him, even if they aren't there to embrace him at the end of the day.

He does as Tris says, though he's too lazy to reheat the plate she left for him. The roast chicken and green beans are actually pretty good cold, but the mashed potatoes are disgusting that way and end up in the trash instead of in his stomach. Besides, he's got to save room for dessert. He flicks the curtain above the sink open a little, just enough to see the frost spider webbing across it as he rinses his dishes. Anyone caught outside in this storm will surely freeze to death, he thinks, but he shakes the thought away, reminding himself the city has done everything they can to prevent that, and focuses on his family's safety instead.

He grabs a handful of cookies and slips into the pantry. It's built into the otherwise dead-space under the stairs, one end of the room tapering down until it's only a few feet tall. The bare bulb hanging in the middle of it casts stark shadows as he drops down to his knees at the narrow end and shoves aside the large jugs of vinegar, and bags of baking soda Tris deems safe enough to to clean their house with to expose the panel he cut into the wall.

If Tobias didn't know it was there it would be hard to detect and even harder to open, though it does easily under his touch since he knows just how to trigger the hidden latches. There's a small computer inside, about the size and shape of a hardcover book. It was Benjamin's at one point; a simple little thing for him to play games on when he was younger that he never had much interest in. Tobias hacked and repurposed it, turning it into a digital log that records the windows and doors opening and closing in their house.

He's still not convinced someone other than their friends and family have been in their home - though he has no evidence to prove that, just his own paranoid assumptions -, but if it happens again he's determined to know. He scrolls idly through the last 36 hours, comforted by the fact he can account for everything listed.

After he puts it away and arranges their cleaning supplies just as they were before, he slips back out and spends another ten minutes double checking the locks on the windows and doors, drawing the curtains to keep as much of the heat inside as possible, and turning off lights before he heads upstairs to check on the kids.

He checks on Matthew first, perching lightly on the edge of his bed and brushing his bangs off his forehead. He stirs a little, tilting into his father's touch and mumbling something in his sleep, but doesn't wake. Tobias gently kisses between his brows and tucks the blankets more firmly around him before tiptoeing out of the room.

He's careful as he steps into Benjamin's room. He does the same thing he did in Matty's room, sitting on the edge of the bed and lightly touching his son's face, but this time, with this child, his eyes flicker open sleepily.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, it's me," Tobias murmurs comfortingly, his hand curving around Benjamin's cheek.

"You're home," Ben sighs, relieved.

"I am. Sorry it's so late."

"That's okay," Benjamin says, his hands curling into his father's shirt.

There's a hint of desperation to the action that breaks Tobias' heart into a million pieces, but that matters less than what Benjamin is feeling right now because ever since the visit from Protective Services, he's been having nightmares; he dreams about being taken away from his family, or his parents being taken away from him and has screamed himself - and everyone else in the house - awake more than once. It makes Tobias feel powerless because he can't fix it, no matter how many time he and Tris tell him that they will never let that happen.

"Were you afraid I wouldn't come home?"

"No," Benjamin mumbles, though it's clearly a lie.

"I'll always come home," Tobias reassures him, willing it to be the truth no matter what the future brings.

Benjamin is quiet for a long moment before he asks, very quietly, if Tobias will stay with him until he falls asleep again.

"Of course," Tobias says, toeing off his shoes while Benjamin scrunches up on one side the bed to make room for his dad. They're even more cramped when the dog decides she has to be on the bed too, eagerly nosing her way into the tiny sliver of mattress left on the other side of Benjamin's body.

"So what did you do today?" Tobias asks once they're settled.

"Hmm… the usual. School stuff," he hums. "Mom taught us a new card game after dinner, one that her mother taught her. You should play it with us, next time."

"You'll have to teach me. I don't know how to play any card games besides Go Fish."

Benjamin twists around, awkwardly craning his neck to look over his shoulder at his father. "Your mom never taught you any card games?" he asks, bewildered. It makes Tobias think about a lot of things he doesn't want to think about, but it also makes a part of him happy that his son can't imagine a world where mother's don't play with their children.

"No," he answers simply.

"So what did you do when it was all stormy out and you couldn't play outside? Because Mom's mom taught her how to knit and play card games, and she had her brother too, I guess, so what did you do?" Benjamin reels off, equal parts curious and oblivious.

"Well, I didn't have any brothers and sisters to play with," Tobias says, deflecting, because the real answer is that he tried to be as quiet as a church mouse so as not to incur Marcus' ire, but Benjamin isn't ready to hear those stories yet, and Tobias doesn't know if he'll ever be ready to tell them.

It was better though, without anyone else there, anyone he'd have to stay to protect until they changed factions. Really though, all he remembers about his childhood is the crushing loneliness; the fear and isolation and anger inside him sharp like shards of glass, and the grief of losing Evelyn - the only parent to show him any sort of attention that didn't come on the wrong end of a belt - being like an ocean of inside him, so large it seemed impossible his small body could contain it all.

"You can teach me to play the card game tomorrow, okay? Right now you need to sleep," Tobias says sternly, not wanting to let this conversation get too close to any of that, not even wanting to think about even though he knows there's no escaping it, no matter how many years distance him between then and now.

"Okay," Benjamin huffs, but doesn't argue, instead settling down to sleep for real.

It doesn't take long before Benjamin is asleep in Tobias arms, but Tobias waits an extra ten minutes, hoping Ben's under deep enough that he won't wake again tonight, that some part of his brain will remember that his parents are here and he can sleep soundly because they'll protect him.

When Tobias trudges up to the top floor it's with heavy feet, not so much because he's tried, though he is. Mostly because his thoughts themselves are heavy. Sophie is sound asleep when he leans over her crib, resting his hand on her chest and reveling in the steady rise and fall of it under his palm as she breathes.

And even though he knows he shouldn't, he wakes her. It's selfish - terribly selfish -, but that doesn't stop him. And, predictably, she cries, loudly, though Tobias rocks and shushes her and swaddles her in her favourite blanket as he sits the pair of them down in the rocking chair. He won't be able to move much like this, but he needs the steadying weight of one of his children right now.

He needs to talk too, so he does.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," Tobias murmurs, his lips pressed against Sophie's temple. "But you're growing up so fast, and I'll never get to do this again once you do. I think if you understood that you'd be okay with me waking you up right now."

Sophie tips back in his arms a little and ke kisses her nose before she nestles more insistently against him. "It's strange to think about it, but when Ben was born I was so many things - angry, and scared, and jealous - and now I'm sad that I won't have this anymore. It's just strange," he continues, thinking out loud because this is his absolution, confessing his sins to his children when they're too little to remember. He'd never have this kind of confidentiality with a priest.

"I don't know what I'm going to tell Ben when he gets older," he sighs, the chair creaking lowly as he rocks them back and forth. "I guess I'm kind of hoping he never finds out what an asshole I was when Tris was pregnant with him because it wasn't… it wasn't _him_ , it was me. And he'll think that it's him. But it was me," he says, his voice slightly strained and desperate. "It was me, and I was still so broken then, and I took that out on him before he was even born."

And unbidden, like it always does, a picture of a boy cringing and crying in a closet pops into his mind; face buried in his knees that are tucked against his thin chest, where he's leaning gingerly against the wall because his back is too raw and painful to do otherwise. It's a picture of himself, obviously, that he kept hidden deep inside, that was truer for far longer than anybody knew, even Tris. Especially Tris, though it wasn't until years after they got together that she unwittingly coaxed him out of that closet. If it proves anything it's that there are still some things he will never give voice to, no matter who's listening.

"I don't think I really forgave myself for that until Matty was born, until we had a baby because we wanted to have a baby; planned and love from the start, and even then. It wasn't until you were born that I even felt like I deserved this family," he scoffs, annoyed at himself. "And if it wasn't for your mother, I probably never would have."

There's a part of him that can't believe he was quite so blind for quite so long, but he tries not to think about it now, tucks it back into the past with all the other things he doesn't want to think about. Revisiting those things - those hurts and mistakes and missteps - have never brought him happiness.

"It's always been that way though; your mother dragging me along kicking and screaming and finding that I'm a better person because of that," he says quieter, calmer now. "I wanted to run when Erudite attacked. I wanted to do so many cowardly things, but she wouldn't let me. And then later, I didn't want to be someone's father, someone's husband." The latter isn't strictly true; he had thought about proposing to Tris before Ben was born, but he just… couldn't. Every time he got close to it he'd panic; his bravery giving way to a cowardice he could never name, but was still there nonetheless.

"Your mother thinks it's because I was afraid of getting hurt again - like with Evelyn - if I let myself want those things, or admitted to myself that I did, anyway. And I don't know… maybe she's right. Because now, I can't imagine not coming home to you," he confesses. "I might have lied to Benjamin though, telling him that I always would."

He goes quiet for a long time, listening to the wind howling around the house, the gurgle and clink of pipes, and the quiet creak of the chair as he rocks himself of Sophie back and forth. She starts to go heavy and lax against him, drifting off to sleep, but Tobias is only aware of it distantly; even so it makes memories of holding each of his children for the first time rise to the surface of the maelstrom inside of him, every one precious and profound in their own ways.

"Natalie, Andrew, Caleb… they all gave their lives so that Tris could have this one. And I was grateful for their sacrifice, but I didn't truly understand it until now," he says, shifting around a little so he can look at his daughter's sleepy face as she blinks up at him. She looks so much like Tris. True, he can trace some of his own features on her, but more than their boys she looks like her mother.

"There's this… insane hope, when you throw yourself into something suicidal in a moment of desperation. You don't think about dying, then, because your will to live won't let you consider it, not really. It's the biggest lie you'll ever tell yourself," he says slowly, trying to find the right words to explain himself, to explain what it feels like to be thrust into a life or death situation. He hopes that Sophie never has to experience it firsthand.

"And maybe that's what Caleb was doing at the Bureau, but Natalie and Andrew? They _sacrificed_ , and there's a difference. They walked into it knowing - not thinking, _knowing_ \- they were going to die. And they did it with honor and dignity and true bravery because it meant that one day their daughter would have a chance at a life like this," Tobias says, barely able to get the words out despite the fact that they claw at his throat and make his eyes burn painfully.

He rises slowly to his feet, careful not to disturb Sophie as he carries her back to her crib and settles her in it once again, ending this conversation the same way it started, with her heart thumping steadily under his hand. "And right now, today, I finally understand, because the only way I could never come home - the only way I would willingly do that - is if it meant that you and your mother and your brothers would be safe from whatever is trying to hurt them. That's the only way I could die, and find some sort of peace in it."

Tobias barely gets the words out before he hears the floorboards on the landing stretching between Sophie's room, and his and Tris' groaning under someone's footfalls, and then, a moment later, their bathroom door slamming shut. He's sure his heart stops and plummets through the floor under his feet when he does.

With one last kiss to his daughter's forehead he carefully leaves her room and enters his. The bathroom door is closed, but he can still hear Tris inside of it. From the sounds on the other side of the door he doesn't need to ask if she heard him talking to Sophie, he knows she did; maybe not all of it, but certainly enough.

Instantly he can feel his heart pounding up his throat, his breath coming short and shallow, and his palms slickening with sweat. Tris was never meant to hear those things, and the fact that she probably heard him talking about her parents and brother makes everything worse because he knows how painful those particular memories are to her.

But even through the door he can hear the sounds she's making and pain lances through his chest so insistently, so ceaselessly, that he'd think he was dying if he didn't know better. Someone once told him that that's how you can tell you love someone, when their pain causes you pain, but Tobias thinks that's wrong; that the real test is when you'd rather take the pain on yourself than make them suffer it.

His entire body is shaking, his nerves like livewires under his skin as he steps into the bathroom, and what he finds is enough to make break him ten times worse than anything Marcus ever did. Because Tris is curled up on the floor, her body wracked with sobs and inhuman sounds pouring past her lips like the tears cascading down her cheeks, completely out of control.

Tobias has only seen her like this once before, when they were hiding at Amity right after her parents died. He feels as powerless now as he did then, and, like he did before, he does the only thing he knows how: he holds her. He wraps his body around hers and tries to keep her together even though she's falling apart.

He doesn't know how long they stay there, a messy pile of limbs. He's barely aware of anything but Tris in his arms anyway, his face tucked against her neck like her's is tucked against his. He's only vaguely aware too, that he's trying to soothe her with his words. If she hears him she doesn't acknowledge it, or can't.

Eventually though things quiet between them enough for her to say, "you can't say things like that, Tobias," her tone accusatory and rough from emotion.

And even though he didn't intend her to hear what he said to Sophie - didn't want her to, as a matter of fact - he refuses to apologize for it, because he needs her to know this, he realizes now.

So instead of apologizing, or forgiving and forgetting, he says, "this is what I want. And this is the only way this works. If we're going to do this, I have to know that you and our children will be safe. And that means that you're not involved in this plot, or whatever you want to call it. It means that, if the worst should happen, our children will still have one parent, at least. Your family didn't die so that you could die at the right time, Tris. They died so that you could have _this_ life."

If he's honest, it's what he's wanted to say to her since she came to him the night before she left for Erudite, to give herself over to Jeanine.

"And the only reason I haven't said anything, to be honest, is because I know you, and I know you'd just throw my arguments back in my face. But this isn't about me thinking you deserve to live more than I do, or our children needing you more than me. It's not about proving something either."

"Then what's it about?" Tris croaks, looking up at him with red, swollen eyes.

"It's about loving you, and them. Because I will fight to get back to you, always, but if Ben and Matty and Sophie lose us both, all of that will be in vain, and no matter what you think, it doesn't have to be you martyring yourself for everyone else."

"It doesn't have to be you either," she challenges, attempting to pull away from him, but he doesn't let her go.

"You're right, it doesn't," he says, forcing her to meet his gaze. "I know how much you love our family, and I know what you'd do for them, but dying is the easy way out for you Tris."

Her face contorts in pain at his accusation, and he knows it's cruel, but it's the truth, and she needs to hear it and he needs to say it because this is a zero-sum argument between them, and it always has been. But that stops, here and now, Tobias decides.

"You think the only way of honoring your parents sacrifice is to die like they did, and you're wrong. You're  _wrong_ , Tris. It doesn't matter which one of us it is, but the bigger sacrifice, the harder one, is living, and you have never been able to see that. You let your guilt blind you to it just as much as I've let what Marcus did to me blind me to all the good things in my life," he accuses, unable and unwilling to hold back any longer.

"But this isn't about me, or Marcus, or Evelyn; it's not even about you and your parents. It's about our family. It's about doing what's right for them, even if it hurts us. Because this - this… plot, or whatever you want to call it - is the most selfish thing we've ever done. And it's the right thing to do, but not at the expense of our children, and I know you know that."

One he's finished he lets her skitter away from him across the floor as he slumps against the vanity. Her tears never really stop her, but eventually her head lolls back against the rim of the bathtub, her eyes shutting as if she's in pain.

"I know you're right, you know. I know it's selfish, what we're doing," she says, her voice hoarse. "I've known that since we had the meeting here. And the last few weeks… seeing how much it's hurting Ben, hurting everyone. I just… I know you're right. But I've had to watch everyone I love die. For me. You don't know what that's like, to carry that guilt around inside of you for years."

And he doesn't, not really, because even though he followed her to Erudite, the plan was always to get themselves out alive. He still got a taste of it, there, but he'll never really know what she lives with, the same way she doesn't know what it's like to live with the scars his childhood left on him.

"I haven't gone back in my fear landscape since the war because it would just be so much worse now. I can't add you to that list too, Tobias. I couldn't when I was 16, and I can't now."

"You have to. If we do this, you have to," he insists.

"I know," she says, wiping her cheeks though it's pointless because the tears keep coming. "But I don't know how."

Tobias crawls across the floor carefully, still half expecting Tris to slap or yell or lash out at him in some way. It's what he would do if the roles were reversed.

"You live, that's how," he says, once he's next to her, their arms barely touching. "I'm not saying it will be easy - I know it won't be. But sacrifices aren't meant to be easy, they wouldn't be sacrifices if they were. But we're not teenagers anymore. We have a family now, and we'll fight hard for it. I promise that I will do everything I can to come back to you, but you have to promise me that if I can't, you will live for them, no matter what."

Tris is quiet for a long time, hopefully mulling over Tobias' words, but he has no real way of knowing what she's thinking until she says, "okay," so quietly he almost thinks he's imagining things.

"Promise me," he says, fierce and determined.

"Okay… I promise," she says, fresh tears making the words come out stilted and choked, but she says them.


	14. Grace (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And... I'm back. Just a heads up: I will only be updating this fic every other week during the month of December. Too much holiday craziness :p 
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy this chapter because it did *not* want to be written. I've got four different versions of it and I'm not 100% pleased with any of them, but I just needed to get this out there and over with so we can move on. 
> 
> Also, just in case you missed it: THERE'S AN "M" RATING ON THIS CHAPTER.

Tobias hisses slightly, a sharp inhale drawn through his teeth as the nurse at his arm digs the needle further into his arm.

"You have very deep veins," she scowls, her eyes slitted and brow pinched.

Tobias grits his teeth and doesn't say anything; certainly doesn't ask her if she forgot her glasses at home this morning because his veins aren't deep or thin or anything else:  _they are right fucking there_ , and if he can see them in the harsh fluorescent light of the infirmary he doesn't know how she can't too.

When she pulls the needle out his jaw aches in concert with his arm, and it only gets worse when he grits his teeth again as she goes in for a second attempt. Thankfully, it's successful this time.

The Infirmary is really the last place that Tobias wants to be - even without the blind, sadistic nurse mutilating his arm -, but he doesn't have much choice in the matter. Every year, every member of Dauntless has to have a physical, prove their proficiency with weapons and hand-to-hand combat, and go through a fear landscape. Medical exemptions can be made if the "recertification" as they call it comes up while someone is sick, or injured, or pregnant, but since Tobias is none of those things, here he is.

Still, it could be worse,  _was_  worse before the war, as a matter of fact. Back them failing even one of those tests was grounds for expulsion from the faction. Things are different these days though, since even if people are not "fit for combat" the faction values their experience, and often promotes them to training or leadership positions, depending on their qualifications. If they're not suitable for that… well, there are a lot of jobs around the Pit, at the Hub, and even desk jobs with the Security Forces that don't involve combat or leadership.

It's a welcome change to most people in the faction, giving them a level of security they never had before the war. There are, of course, some people who see it as a demotion - Dauntless pride often running too deep -, but they are the rare exception.

Tobias scowls at the nurses back as she leaves the room, full of resentment and thinking that they really need to make the vision test a lot harder to pass then it apparently is.

The doctor who exams Tobias isn't his usual one, a precaution against personal relationships affecting clinical diagnoses, or so he's been told. There's nothing remarkable about it though, and he mostly gets through it by grunting yes or no at the appropriate times. When they're done and he's redressing the doctor snaps off his latex gloves and says, "be happy I don't have to give you a prostate exam, yet," with a wry smile and then he's gone too. Tobias feels faintly sick at the idea, but that might just be from the blood loss the nurse inflicted.

Tobias decides that he's not going to eat lunch alone, and on his way down to the dining hall he stops by the daycare center to pick up Sophie. She can't stay with him all day, obviously, but even though it's been months since the Bureau's thinly veiled threats he's not going to miss a second that could be spent with any of his children, just in case.

It's a little early, so the dining hall is mostly empty, but Tobias still picks out the most secluded table in one corner of the room and fixes her a peanut butter and banana sandwich. After her first bite she holds the piece of bread that he folded in half to construct it and and exclaims, "'Nana!" loudly. She grins like a fool when Tobias takes a bite out of it, pretending to enjoy the snack a lot more than he does just to please her.

When they're done he carries her down to the bottom of the Chasm, the same place he likes to visit with Tris, and cuddles her close until she falls asleep in his arms. It's always perplexed him, the soporific effect it has on her, but it does. She's never had problems sleeping through storms, even ones that send Ben and Matty scrambling into their parents bed.

It makes Tobias wonder if that means she'll be Dauntless someday. He thinks about that a lot whenever his recertification rolls around, but this year, after everything that's happened, he wonders too if he'll be around to see it. He wants to be around to see it. He hopes he's around to see it. But if he's not, well, he and George have worked out a plan to get Tris and their children out of the city.

That had been a surprise, George's complicity in their plans; a welcome one, but a surprise nonetheless. Still, there's a part of Tobias that finds it hard to trust anyone; hard to trust George, hard to trust Tris, even. But he has to, and given their other option - Peter - it's worlds better than he could have hoped for.

He stands up slowly, careful not to disturb his sleeping baby, though at almost two years old Sophie's hardly a 'baby' anymore. She snuffles in her sleep, burying her nose against the crook of his neck and balling his shirt in her tiny fists. She fusses a little when he drops her off at daycare again, but that's mostly because she half-wakes as he does, claws her hands more insistently into his shirt, but as much as he wants to stay with her, he can't; at least for today he'll be able to come back to her though.

* * *

Benjamin is surprised but not scared when he finds his Uncle Zeke waiting for him, Matthew propped on his hip - though he really shouldn't be because he's 4 now, for crying out loud -, at the end of the school day. It happens sometimes, when his mom or dad get unexpectedly stuck with work stuff, and it just means he gets a few extra hours to play with Zoey.

So when he jumps and lands in front of his uncle an unconcerned, "what's up?" pops past his lips.

"Not much. Your Aunt Christina's having her baby though," he says with a smirk.

The groan that sounds behind him lets him know Zoey has arrived. Zoey never gets excited about babies; Benjamin only does when they're not his siblings.

"Where's my mom?" Benjamin asks, trying to keep up with Zeke's long strides as he guides them away from the crowd and towards the Pire. Usually Zeke goes slow enough they don't have to struggle to keep up, but he seems to be in a rush today.

"With you Aunt in the infirmary," he answers.

There really isn't much for any of them to do except wait once they're actually at the infirmary, so that's what they do. Zeke tries to keep them entertained, telling them increasingly outrageous - and probably made up, though Zeke denies it - stories.

Benjamin expects his Uncle Uriah to arrive next, but his dad who shows up first. Ben looks at him with wide eyes when he flops down into the chair tiredly, his hands dragging across his face like he can wipe away the lines written there. His knuckles look raw, red, and angry, and though he doesn't say anything, when Matty crawls into his lap since Tris isn't here for him to sit on, he cuddles him a little closer than normal.

"How'd it go?" Zeke murmurs.

Tobias doesn't say anything, just shrugs.

"You wanna talk about it?" Zeke asks.

"When do I ever want to talk about it?" Tobias scoffs.

"Fair enough."

Benjamin goes back to the puzzle he's putting together with Zoey, the pieces old and softly frayed around the edges, but he keeps sneaking peeks at his dad. He looks older than normal, older than he did this morning when he made everyone breakfast, saying that since he couldn't sleep he might as well do something useful. Kids at school are already talking about what factions they're going to join when the time comes - even if it is years from now - and they're all so certain, and Ben is too whenever anyone asks him, a confident 'Dauntless' slipping past his lips, but looking at his dad now he's not so sure.

Eventually Tobias asks where Uriah is, sounding a little like himself and letting Benjamin relax a little.

"Out guarding the crew extending the fence around Amity," Zeke answers.

It wasn't a surprise, exactly, that the Bureau decided to do that; they had certainly been talking about it long enough. Benjamin knows Johanna isn't happy about it, but his parents seem to be; his dad especially, though he can tell his mom is a lot less nervous whenever they go out to the farm now.

People come and go and Ben and Zoey try to keep themselves occupied, at least, though he can't help thinking that being stuck waiting is boring. So boring. He's pretty sure math is more interesting than this. In fact, he starts going over his multiplication tables in his head just because it's something to do and he likes the way his 6's sound in his head, something about the cadence and rhythm of the number is inexplicably satisfying, though it probably doesn't hurt that that's the set he picked up the fastest. Three's were hard, seven's too.

Shauna breezes through the door, barely paying them any of them, any mind. Ben still hasn't seen his mom, has no real idea how long she's been here or they'll be here, or what is going on really, aside from fact that his Aunt Christina is down the hall, in a hospital room, having a baby.

It's hard to get excited about that when he could be doing what he normally does after a day of school. He could be at the park, and everyone here would be with him, more or less, but it's infinitely more fun running around and playing games and listening to Bandy bark after them than it is sitting in the infirmary, waiting for a baby to arrive.

If it was Friday - which it isn't, though it almost is because it's Thursday - he'd get to stay up late, and he and Zoey could have a sleep-over, and maybe even Raleigh too. She's only stayed over a couple of times though, and on those nights his dad is never home until really late, when they're all supposed to be asleep. They don't have secret meetings at his house anymore, but Ben thinks on those nights, when Raleigh's there and Tobias isn't, that those meetings are happening somewhere at someone else's house. His mom always says his dad is just working late, and Ben's never been brave enough to ask her if that's the truth.

Uriah tumbles through the swinging doors then, pulling Benjamin out of his ruminations. Ben's never quite seen so frantic and disheveled, but maybe that's how father's are when their first baby is born. His Uncle Zeke told him that he had to get his dad drunk when his mom was giving birth to him because he was so upset.

He takes off down the hallways Zeke points him towards, and not long after he disappears, Tris appears.

"How is she?" Tobias asks, craning his neck up to meet Tris' lips with his own.

"Pretty angry that they won't give her the epidural yet because she's not far enough along. I had to move anything she could throw at the nurses out of her reach," she says wryly.

"It will be better; Uri's here now," Zeke says confidently.

"It's going to be a long night. You guys don't need to stay here if you don't want to," she says, raking her fingers through her hair the way she does when she's exasperated.

"Zoey can spend the night at our place," Tobias offers. "You and Tris should be here though."

"Yeah, okay," Zeke concedes. "Brynn will sleep just about anywhere so she'll be fine with me, here."

Tris kisses Matthew and Benjamin and Tobias goodbye and waves them out of the waiting room, reminding them not to wait up for her. The only stop they make is to pick up Sophie, and then they're blissfully free of the Infirmary.

It's getting-off-work time for most people, and the streets outside the Pire are crowded with people getting disembarking from the trains or going to the park, but instead of stopping there Tobias takes them right to their house. As soon as they open the door Bandy is jumping up and down trying to lick all their faces. Tobias shoos them all into the backyard, like he knows how much they all need to run and play and burn off the extra energy they've accumulated during the day.

Winter lingered this year, and Spring was late in coming so the lawn in the backyard is squashy with mud, dirtying their feet and the cuffs of their pants as they play tag. Sophie tries to keep up, but her little legs are no match for the bigger kids, and more than once she cries indignantly that she can't catch them. She can always catch Tobias though, and when she does he swings her up and around and makes her giggle and forget that everyone else bounds out of her grasp when she gets too close.

Once they're all finally spent they tumble back into the house Bandy sprawls dramatically on the floor, her tongue lolling out and her chest heaving, but a happy dog-smile curling up her lips. Ben and Zoey and Matty don't really do much of anything at Tobias cooks dinner.

There's the usual scuffle for space around the kitchen sink to clean up before they eat, and things around the table are just as loud and disorganized, but they usually are when there's four kids to feed. Both Ben and Zoey offer to help clean up the dinner dishes, but mostly it's just a ploy to put off doing homework, and his dad seems to be realize that because he sternly orders them to living room to do just that.

As he pulls his books out of his bag Benjamin feels a little jealous that Matthew gets to stay at the table playing on his tablet while Tobias cleans up the kitchen himself. So it's with scowling annoyance that he sits down with his vocabulary list, trying to fit words he's sure he'll never use in real life into awkward sentences.

He's still trying to figure out a way to use the word 'peculiar' when Zoey knocks her foot into his, drawing his attention. "What?" Ben asks, only to receive a frantic hand wave and harsh "shh!" in response.

Zoey's eyes cut to the kitchen where they can hear Tobias washing dishes though they might not be able to actually see him through the doorway. "What was your grandmother's name?"

"Natalie, why?" Benjamin asks, giving her a curious look.

"No, not that one. The other one. The one who's still alive," she says, eyes cutting between Ben and the doorway to the kitchen.

"Evelyn," Benjamin says, without hesitation. As much as his parents might not want to talk about her, Ben hasn't been able to forget her name.

"Evelyn Johnson?"

"I don't know her last name," Ben says, scooting closer to he can see the screen of Zoey's tablet. It's full of text, but there's a tiny picture on one side of the screen. Though she looks much younger, it's definitely the woman who was at his father's swearing in ceremony.

"Yeah, that's her," he confirms. "What is this?"

"Homework. I have to summarize this article," Zoey explains. "It's about the end of the war."

"What else does it say?"

"That she was the Factionless' leader during the war. And that she was the one who locked up Tori and your mom and a bunch of other Dauntless as traitors even though they weren't."

Benjamin's brow puckers in confusion. Every time his parents have talked about war they haven't told him that his grandmother (though it feels weird to think about Evelyn that way) was the leader of the Factionless. They told him Dauntless had to ally with them to defeat Erudite. That some of the Factionless betrayed them, which is why his dad and Zeke had to break pretty much everyone they know out of jail before they went to the Bureau. But they never told him this.

"Maybe that's why my mom doesn't like her," Benjamin says, thinking out loud and recalling the icy glares the women leveled at each other the one time he's seen them together. "Because she put her in jail"

"Or maybe she locked her up because she hated your mom," Zoey says, her voice grim.

They share a look before their eyes rivet back onto the screen propped up on Zoey's knees. Certain names stand out; both his parents, Tori's, Uriah's.

The article doesn't say what serum the Bureau was going to release on the city to bring it under control again, but Benjamin knows this part by heart. He's heard the story enough times from both his parents to know that it was the Memory Serum and that, in order to stop it his uncle, Caleb, ultimately lost his life wresting control of it away from Bureau.

The article only mentions Evelyn once more, noting that, because of her betrayal of the factions, she was barred from holding elected office in the city, though she avoided being exiled from the city or executed as a traitor the way some Erudite, and even some of the Candor were after the war.

"Do you guys need anything?" Tobias asks, making both Ben and Zoey startle and jump a little, the latter dropping the tablet onto the floor where it lands with an incriminating thud.

"We're fine!" Zoey says, her voice both too loud and too bright.

Tobias strides over to them, Sophie propped on his hip and picks up tablet. As soon as his eyes slide over the text covering the screen - and not the game he probably suspected they were playing - he hands it back them.

"I'm going to give Sophie her bath and put her in bed. Finish your homework," he says, and walks upstairs.

Benjamin and Zoey collapse against the couch, each letting out the breath they didn't realize they were holding until now.

"Scroll back up to the top," Ben instructs, clicking on Evelyn's hyperlinked name as soon as she does. It connects them to a biography about her, but it doesn't contain much information; the year she was born, the year she was excommunicated from Abnegation, the years she led the Factionless. There's nothing after the war, though there are two other names linked at the bottom of her entry:  _Marcus Eaton_  and  _Tobias Eaton_.

Benjamin taps on Marcus' name with shaky fingers. Tobias  _never_  talks about his father, but Benjamin has heard the Abnegation talking about Marcus Eaton when he's gone there with his mom, and he's seen her tight smile and pinched lips likes she's trying to not say anything if she can't say anything nice, like she so often reminds him to do.

His biography doesn't contain much more information than Evelyn's did, but they find links to an article he's mentioned in and click on that. It's a short piece about the way the government worked before the war and the criticisms the other factions had of it. It lists several prominent Abnegation leaders - though the council wasn't supposed to favor a single person over the many who sat on it -, Marcus among them. It also notes that, of the ones active at the time of the war, most were murdered. Marcus' name is not listed as one of the ones who were though.

Benjamin and Zoey click around trying to find information, but there isn't any. It seems strange to Benjamin that it would have so much information about Evelyn, someone who, apparently, was a very bad leader, and so little about someone Marcus who was supposedly a prominent figure in the faction both Ben's parents grew up in, and who controlled the city for so long. But maybe he didn't do anything too good or too bad, and in the absence of that there isn't much to write about?

They flip idly between articles where the people they know are mentioned, but they never offer nearly as much insight as they've gained from listening to their parents stories over the years because even though it has been years, the war is still very present in the lives of the people who lived through it.

It's in their skin and their scars, like the silvery one on Tris' shoulder Benjamin sees every summer when she wears tank-tops. It's in their eyes too, when they have the yearly service to remember the dead at the War Memorial; it's the only time Benjamin has ever seen his Aunt Shauna cry, and Uriah and Christina always spend time with their hands pressed over certain names, seemingly having silent conversations with those they were closest to in life.

Benjamin clicks on his mother's name as an afterthought. He's already read his dad's entry and Tori's, which were the only other names he knew that warranted elaboration, at least in the estimation of the people who composed the book. Her biography is similarly thin, and it's not until he idly clicks on a link to an article she's mentioned in that his eyes nearly pop out of his head.

He's know -  _has_  knows for a while - that his mother doesn't like going to Erudite. Not as much as she hates going to the Bureau, but she never lingers there the way she does when they visit other factions. When he was younger he didn't exactly understand why that was, but when he asked one day when he was about 4, she said it was because there were a lot of bad memories there. Even at that tender age Benjamin knew about the war, about the attack on Erudite that ended it. In the years since he's just assumed that she knew too many people who died there, and that might still be true, but he thinks it's much more likely that the reason she doesn't want to be there is because she was locked up there. And tortured. For weeks.

The article doesn't go into details, but Benjamin's imagination fills in the blanks in terrifying technicolor. He imagines his mother a lot like how she looked after the bombing: dirty, bloody, covered in bruises. He imagines her with her eye blackened and swollen shut like it was once, after she lost a fight in the training rooms. Tobias is mentioned too, as another prisoner, though he was there to try and rescue Tris from inside. She was there of her own free will though. She wasn't captured, she didn't fight. She tried to sacrifice herself to save others.

And something clicks in Benjamin's brain. All the time his father was so upset with her for being 'reckless'; the fight they had the day after the bombing that didn't make much sense to him at the time does much more so now.

But a peculiar ache settles in the space where he can feel his heart thumping (and he chuckles a little, mirthless, to himself at the use of one of that vocabulary word) in his chest because they could have told him, his mom and dad. Instead, he had to find out these things from a textbook. But they never tell him anything. They're always trying to protect him that way, always silent so they don't scare or upset him, but it doesn't work. He's still scared sometimes, like when his dad doesn't come home until late, and he's still upset at finding out that his mother was held captive and tortured because she is Divergent. They're not protecting him by never telling him anything.

"Ben, time to get in the bath," his dad calls from upstairs, and he can't help glaring a little in his direction.

"Are you going to tell him what we were reading?" Zoey asks, her eyes wide and scared.

"No. He never tells me anything," Benjamin snaps and then stomps upstairs.

* * *

Tobias lies in bed, trying to fall asleep even though he knows it's not going to happen. Tris still isn't home for one thing, and he's so used to sleeping next to her it's almost impossible to do so if she isn't here. But what's really keeping him up is Benjamin.

For the first time that Tobias can remember he actually kicked him out of the bathroom when he went to take a bath, turning on the shower instead with a sharp, stubborn, "I don't need your help," that left Tobias gaping at him.

He replays the night over and over because Benjamin's attitude didn't stop there. He was quiet and standoffish right up until the time Tobias ushered the kids to bed. He actually glared at him when he re-emerged from the bathroom to find Matthew sitting on his lap. That is not so unusual though; Benjamin's always been possessive when it comes to Tobias, especially since Sophie was born, and since he's been bonding a little more with Matty lately.

Tobias smiles to himself. Tris had been flustered and frustrated to find out that Matthew, in all his four-year-old precociousness had memorized the password for her laptop. It probably shouldn't have come as a surprise given how much time he spends sitting on her lap while she works, but it did. On Tobias' 30th birthday Benjamin was fretting that Tobias wouldn't be home in time for the surprise party they planned for him, and to calm his brother down Matthew simply grabbed Tris' laptop, entered in the password and then figured out how to make a video call (which isn't hard, but is still impressive given his age).

It had been so impressive, in fact, that Tobias couldn't get mad over it and instead got him a tablet of his own and programmed a game that would nurture those skills. It was a lot like what Marcus did for him when he discovered that Tobias had an affinity for computers at about the same age, but he doesn't like to think of that.

So now, most nights, Tobias will spend some time - just him and Matty - playing that game. He helps him work out the simple clues that add up to simple passwords, and teaches Matthew the simple codes that will make the little characters do something like run across the screen or eat a sandwich like a chipmunk, their cheeks puffing out comically. Matthew loves it, and Tobias loves that he actually has something in common with his second son now.

But none of that solves the mystery of what's going on with Benjamin.

He could have had a fight with Zoey, Tobias supposes, since she was quiet and pensive all night. They're good friends,  _best_  friends, but that doesn't mean they don't fight on occasion. When Raleigh started hanging around Zoey was a little wounded by all the attention Ben paid her, but there are other, simpler scuffles kids get into; things that are silly and petty and blow over as quickly as it takes to shake off their temper.

But Tobias doesn't think that's what happened. He doesn't really have a reason for thinking that other than it felt like Ben's ire was directed at him, even though it's not uncommon for him to get sullen and cross with everyone when him and Zoey are having a tiff.

And Tobias has no idea what he's done to earn that, so he goes over their day, again. Over and over until the wee hours of the morning when he hears the front door open and close and Tris' footsteps climbing up the stairs. He hears her moving around on the second floor, checking on the kids before she comes to the top floor. She spends a long time in Sophie's room before she eventually comes to their bedroom.

"Hi," Tobias says softly from the bed as she stands at the dresser and takes off her watch. It's still the only piece of jewelry she wears most days.

Tris looks at him in the mirror hanging over the dresser and reflecting their bed back at her. "Hey. Did I wake you?"

"No," Tobias says, rubbing his face tired. "Couldn't sleep."

"Everything okay?" Tris asks, shuffling over to the bed. It's dim in the bedroom, the light spilling out the cracked bathroom door barely illuminating Tris enough to make out her features.

"Just couldn't sleep without you here," he answers, deciding to save whatever is going on with Ben until morning. It might blow over by then anyway, and Tris doesn't need to worry about it now, not when there's nothing she can do about it anyway, short of waking Benjamin up in the middle of the night and trying to coax it whatever's wrong out of him.

"Sleep sounds so wonderful right now," she groans. "How bad would it be if I called out tomorrow and just stayed in bed all day?"

"Awful," Tobias teases. "I might have to fire you."

"You're a mean husband. Why did I marry you?"

"Because neither of us are very nice," he says, reaching out to pull her down on the bed with him. She skitters away though.

"If I get in that bed right now I'm not going to be able to move for at least twelve hours, and I need a shower. I hate smelling like the infirmary." Tobias can just imagine her nose scrunched up in disgust, even if he can't see it.

Ten minutes later she's back, her hair damp and a towel wrapped around her.

"How's Christina?" Tobias asks.

"Tired," Tris says, not even bothering to change out of the towel before laying on her side next to Tobias. She's finally close enough that he can see her. "Happy, though. Mostly that it's over, I think."

"Boy or Girl?"

"Girl," Tris answers, smiling. "Grace."

"I thought for sure they'd name a girl 'Marlene', or maybe 'Wilhelmina'," Tobias says, rolling over to face Tris.

"I told you, they didn't want their baby plagued by their past," Tris says, her eyes falling closed at the feel of Tobias' hand gliding over her shoulder. "That's not a bad thing, you know."

"I know."

"She's not as cute as our kids were when they were born though," Tris says conspiratorially.

"I think every mother is supposed to think that," Tobias points out.

"No, it's true. Our kids were empirically cuter babies than all others. I have the pictures to prove it," Tris argues.

"You should bring the pictures with you when we go visit the infirmary tomorrow; do a side-by-side comparison."

"Christina would murder me. Besides, you're not supposed to brag that your kids are cuter than everybody else's. It's tacky," Tris reprimands, though she's smiling.

"Can I tell you something without you freaking out?" Tris asks after a minute's silence.

"Okay," Tobias says slowly, uncertain, because there have been very few times where Tris prefaced what she was going to say with that, that he didn't freak out about.

"I'm sad that… we'll never have another baby. I don't miss being pregnant or giving birth, but it's just… sad," she sighs. "I felt hollow walking home, knowing I'd never have another one."

Tobias is quiet for a long time, tracing patterns on her back with his fingers the way he knows she loves before he says, "We're still young. We could have another one, if you want."

"I think it would be selfish to have another baby."

"Why? We've got three already."

"Because it would be selfish to have another baby just because ours are growing up and I miss it. It's not like Matthew and Sophie, not like our family wasn't complete yet. It's just me, missing that. It's selfish."

"I just want you to be happy. I don't want you to have any regrets if something happens to-" Tris cuts off his words by kissing him.

It's not the first time Tris has kissed him to keep him quiet, in fact it's something they've been doing since they were teenagers and he was trying to persuade her not to go to Erudite, and like it did then, it pushes everything else away, at least for a little while.

Tobias pulls Tris on top of him, the blankets getting tangled irritatingly as he tries to kick them out of the way. There's no immediacy to their actions though. They kiss slowly, with little pecks punctuating deeper, more insistent kisses. Tris' lips are plump and swollen by the time Tobias unknots the towel from where he had it tucked under her arms, and even then it's just because he wants to take the rosy tip of her breast in his mouth and kiss that too.

She rocks over him as he does, grinding down just enough. Her fingers tugging at his hair makes him moan just as much as the wet heat seeping through his sleep pants does when he bucks up against her. Eventually they tug his pants down, together, after he's left marks shaped like his mouth on her breasts.

Tris sinks down slowly onto him, only letting out her breath once he's fully inside her. She stays like that for a moment, and Tobias doesn't ask her to move, not yet anyway; he knows she likes the way it feels like he stretching her open and he can give her this, at least. When she does start to move his hands grab on her hips, guiding back and forth, encouraging the movement that makes her toes curl because - despite her initial reservations - this is still the position that feels best to her.

And it feels good to Tobias too, and he loves watching her above him, but tonight he needs more, needs her closer. So he sits up and wraps his arms around her, keeping them connected as he scoots them both up to the head of the bed. And he never really lets go either, as they find their rhythm again, just adjusts so that one arm reaches across the span of her back so his hand can curl around the back of her neck as they kiss, keeping her there.

Their hips roll together sinuously, in this dance that they've perfected over so many years. Tobias knows Tris is scared of losing him, just as he is of losing her, but right now that doesn't matter. All that matters is here and now and in their arms. They keep kissing, and when they have to break away for a second to catch their breaths they keeps their foreheads pressed together, breathing in the same air.

Tobias can feel Tris getting close in the way she tightens around him, but in other ways too because he knows her body so well now, and it's that thought that makes him surge up into her a little harder and little sharper before. It makes her head tip back and a moan escape her lips. Tobias holds her tighter and does it again, his mouth sucking a mark behind her ear that he knows she'll be careful to cover with her hair until it fades, but that makes her wetter nonetheless.

"Make me come, Tobias," she pleads, desperate, and so so  _so_  close.

He lets himself fall backward slightly, changing the angle enough that her clit rubs against him in just the right way to tip her over the edge. He covers her mouth with his own so she doesn't wake the kids. He buries his own shout in the curve of her collarbone, setting it free with the rest of the birds that flock there.

Tris might as well not have taken a shower at all since they're both covered in a thin sheen of sweat now, but neither of them move. Tris keeps him inside her, her legs splayed across Tobias' hips and her fingers carding through his damp hair while his face rests against her breasts.

"You can't leave me," she murmurs, pressing her cheek against the crown of his head.

"I won't," Tobias murmurs back though they both know it's a lie, just like the one she told him the night she left for Erudite. He'll leave if he has to, but he doesn't want to, and that has to be enough for now.


End file.
